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Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Marriage and Pornography - The Saddest Battle

In 1964 Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart gained a measure of fame by choosing not to define what constituted hardcore pornography - instead saying "I know it when I see it".

And fifty years later, in 2014, you can see it on the Internet, in the privacy of your own home.

And so can your kids.

I don't think that there's anything quite as destructive for a marriage than pornography. It changes those who become attracted to it (almost exclusively men). The husband you married, after prolonged exposure to pornography, will become someone different entirely.

Sounds far-fetched? It;'s not. The imagery viewed satisfies a psychochemical  craving for quick arousal, something like a drug.

But the 'kick' doesn't last, and like drugs, the 'dosage', or 'arousal potential' of the images viewed has to increase to give the same level of...well, satisfaction.

I won't go into what those images are. Like Potter Stewart, I'd just rather not. But what they do is portray a view of sex that is horribly warped and corrupt.

If you thought your husband was thinking about sex in that way, you'd be shocked, and disgusted, and most of all, saddened.

Saddened because you'd realize that when you're intimate, he's not thinking about you. The images in his mind are of other women, other situations. He's not there, except for the physical release.

The figures of how many men are attracted to - or addicted to pornography vary widely. But there's no question - the numbers are huge.

And the effect beyond your marriage is evil. There's a lot of talk about human trafficking...where do you think these women go?

Prostitution and pornography, forced drug use, and an early death. Every click a man makes on a pornographic website is more profit for the vermin that are in this business.

It's also a good way for a man to lose a job...most companies have a zero-tolerance policy for viewing pornography online while at work, and that's a pretty horrible thing to have to explain to a human-resource officer while trying to find another job.

How can you protect your marriage against this devil's trap?

Simple. It's really simple.

Total transparency in your online presence. That means shared passwords, shared email accpounts, shared Facebook pages.

It means installing software that tracks websites that have been visited on every computer you own...and having the courage to check. Regularly and thoroughly.

This is not a time for "you're suspicious!"

It's a matter of preserving health and preserving marriage against something sent by Satan.

This post is linked to Wedded Wednesday, a compendium of really cool posts on marriage. If you click on the logo below, you'll be taken to www.messymarriage.com, which is the springboard to a wealth of information.


  1. This is a needed post. Thank you for taking the time to do the research and having the courage to publish it.

    1. Thank you - I did think about this for a long time before deciding to publish it, and it's no accident that I'm putting it out on Easter Week.

      We have let the peddlers of obscenity take away the hearts of so many men - old and young. They have subverted the Constitution for their profit, and they are victimizing literally millions of women.

      It's time to fight back, using whatever means necessary.

      And never to yield.

  2. A very straightforward post on a much needed and too-oft-concealed topic.

    Thank you, Andrew!

    1. Thanks, Joe.

      I am beginning to think that the mindset that tolerates pornography may be the greatest threat to our society. If there are no firm standards, there are really NO standards, and the predators are free to do their best to ensare the young and unwary - for their own gain, and their own twisted satisfaction.

      The rise of radical Islam is partly a reaction against what has been seen as the corrupt West. We are bringing the whirlwind down on ourselves through passivity, and the reluctance to stand up to bullies who excoriate us for trying to hold onto decency, and who misappropriate the First Amendment.

      It's time to define decency, and turn on the lights in the cellar, confront the vermin living there...and get rid of them.

  3. I wholeheartedly agree, Andrew. My husband has a "Covenant Eyes" app that keeps track of the sites he goes to and alerts him if he is going to one with questionable content. It also sends me and his boss a report each week. So good so far, but I know that many are caught in the vice-grip of this addiction. It's a quick and easy counterfeit for the love God intended to be shared in the boundaries and sacredness of marriage. But then, any time we go outside of God's bounds, we end up in territory full of "landmines!" Thanks for sharing and I hope you're feeling more encouraged in your walk with the Lord. Blessings to you!

    1. It is indeed a counterfeit, and one that breaks so many hearts and lives. I've known many who were caught there as well, and recovery, though possible, is hard work. Most young men unfortunately aren't up to it

      Takes a lot of 'knee time'.