It's solid in the bones now, and with the tumours I can barely walk. Dog's are learning to do their business off leash, while I lean on a tree-stump.
And at night, the bones are the worst...something I was told to expect. Sleep's overrated.
Sometimes, I am tempted to pray for release. It's wrong (and I'm not suicidal), but what was never close to a wish hovers around the edge of my mind.
Dear God, my bones are near the end,
I hobble where I once was swift
and do know what this doth portend;
forgive me if I pray for lift
past the things that are to come,
past this long and aching fate,
pray you take me, make me young
again, to walk through Heaven's Gate.
I know that I need more resolve,
and asking this, hang head in shame,
but shame does not weakness absolve,
so make me fit to play this game
as long as I still walk this earth
until my day of full re-birth.
I hobble where I once was swift
and do know what this doth portend;
forgive me if I pray for lift
past the things that are to come,
past this long and aching fate,
pray you take me, make me young
again, to walk through Heaven's Gate.
I know that I need more resolve,
and asking this, hang head in shame,
but shame does not weakness absolve,
so make me fit to play this game
as long as I still walk this earth
until my day of full re-birth.
Music from The Fifth Dimension, with (what else?) Up, Up And Away.
Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.
Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.
Praying that you know God's presence and strength.
ReplyDeleteso much...I do feel His Presence, and I lean into His Strength.
DeleteYour resolve has no bounds, Andrew.
ReplyDeleteSusan, thank yoy. 'Doing life' takes everything I have now.
DeleteI wish the pain you experience could stop. Not that I wish for you to stop, but for the pain that you live with to ease up. May God be your sustainer.
ReplyDeleteAnnette, thank you so much...I know the pain has purpose, and it's only God who sustains me now.
DeleteI read your words of honest fear as your most courageous act of faith. Thank you for blessing us all, dear friend. <3 (Karen, FMF #20)
ReplyDeleteKaren, thank YOU for these loving, kind, and affirming words!
DeleteSending you prayers for strength and peace.
ReplyDeleteCorinne, thank you so much for your prayers...prayers mean so much to me!
DeletePraying for the Lord to continue to give you peace and strength and courage. I am grateful for the transparent way you share your words even in this most difficult of journeys.
ReplyDeleteJoanne, thank you for this. I only hope my words can be a help to someone, somewhere. That thought makes it all worthwhile.
Delete(((((Andrew)))))
ReplyDeleteAnnie in Texas
((((((ANNIE!!!!!!))))))
DeletePraying for you to have peace and comfort. Your honesty and courage is a testament to your faith. May God richly bless you, and may you be encouraged and lifted up by the prayers of your friends.
ReplyDeleteKym, thank you so much for this...I am truly blessed, by God's love and the love and prayers of my friends, and I would not have missed it for the world.
DeletePraying for God's peace and comforting arms to surround you during those times of pain. May his strength sustain you. Blessings for sharing your heart.
ReplyDeleteLisa, thank you so much for being here, and most especially for your prayers!
Delete