Your Dying Spouse 594 - Oh, CRAP!

I can see where it might get easy to start feeling hopeless.

A couple more lumps in really bad places, and fatigue that seems to increase by the day. It's Monday, and I can't do what I still could on Thurday last.

What's proof against hopelessness, and the antidote to despair?

I don't know.

It's just to keep hoping, I guess, and to decide not to despair.

I don't know how to face

this, no 'coping' works this time

and how on earth does one embrace

this demon from a pantomime?

There are bad things growing

and there is room for sorrow

because of the dread knowing

that soon, there's no tomorrow.

I suppose I should be afraid

but now I'm just too tired

for that, too tired for the plans I've made

and for all I once desired.

But you know, it doesn't really matter;

this iron heart will never shatter.

Music from Celine Dion, with My Heart Will Go On. I mean, why not? It's a nice song.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.

Your Dying Spouse 593 - Don't Cry For Me FiveMinuteFriday

Yes, it's bad, but it's no tragedy.

It's hard and painful to breathe, and any movement's agony, but it could be way worse; I still have my soft and bouncy hair.

In the end, yes, I'm going to die, but I'm going to a better place.

And I'll save a spot at the bar for you.

Don't cry for me FiveMinuteFriday,

the truth is, I'm really okay

through every bad day

and bloodstained bouquet

God's on my side,

He keeps me strong.

Let the devil hide,

we'll ring his gong.

Someday it will be finished,

and it won't be a defeat,

won't be diminished,

it'll be complete

and I'll await you there,

with a beer and beach chair.

Music, of course, is madonna singing Don't Cry For Me, Argentina from Evita. Casting madonna as Eva Peron may seem like the weirdest Hollywood decision on record, but it worked.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.

Your Dying Spouse 592 - Tell Me About Your Day

One of the things about terminal illness, and perhaps especially terminal illness without benefit of medical care, is that routine is really everything; it makes life a LOT easier if you are doing essentially the same things, in a particular rhythm.

I don't find it boring; it's all very much a physical challenge, just pushing through the pain and other stuff (and timing things so I am close enough to the loo when needs must).

But it sure doesn't mae me a scintillating conversationalist. "How was your day?" isn't really a question you would want to ask me.

So, I listen to Barb's description of her days, and in that way I can still have at least a ghostly presence in the wide world.

Don't try to live inside this place;

let me sit with you a spell.

You really don't need to face

a guided tour of hell.

My days are a roundabout

from which there's no escape.

Pain and puke, no time without

cancer's dark and dreadful shape.

Show me life through your eyes,

and let me feel the sun

and share with me every surprise

each way your day has run.

Honour me with this bestowment,

and let me feel normal, just for a moment.

Music from Gordon Lightfoot, with If You Coud Read My Mind.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.

Your Dying Spouse 591 - Guess I'll Stay Awhile

This is getting boring...it still gets worse.

Lymph nodes in the groin make walking hard, lymph noes in the armpits mean I can't lower my arms and I look like I'm doing the perpetual Funky Chicken...and my respiration's trotting along at a happy 20 per minute, interpresed by coughs that are deep, and epic.

I'd say it's hard to stay happy, but it really isn't. Too dumb to despair, I guess, while dancing.

To live is Christ, to die is gain;

Saint Paul is surely right,

but since my going would leave some pain,

I'm going to stay and fight.

People say, you've done enough,

all that one man can do,

you don't need to prove you're tough

'cause that's all we know of you.

But I have dogs, I have a wife,

and they take up all my heart.

Every day I give my life,

die in sleep, and then restart.

The goal is not in the least confused;

I'll go 'till the last of me is used.

And in case you've forgotten (though I know you haven't), here's how to do the Funky Chicken.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.

Your Dying Spouse 590 - Beautiful People {FMF}

The post today was originally to be Carefree Cancer, and would have described the positive aspects of facing terminal cancer with no medical care.

I dozed off while writing it. (It will eventually appear, as the subject's kinda important.)

Things are just so very bad now. The pain's risen too high, and I'm undone.

And I don't want to write about it today.

Instead, inspired by Shrek, I offer you this:

Now, in all my great humility,

I'm nae the most handsome man,

but to deny it is futility,

so, well, I guess I am.

So when I set upon the quest

to find someone to marry

she really had to be the best

looker, and so I did not tarry.

Barbara sure fit the bill,

I'd seen none like her before;

if great looks could kill,

she'd run up quite a score.

And when we were out walking,

for the eyes, we were a feast,

I heard a neighbour talking,

"There go Beauty and the Beast!"

Now I mean no disrespect, but I gotta say it flat,

how could he speak of my wife like that?

Music from Smashmouth, with All Star and the opening creits from Shrek.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.