Your Dying Spouse 335 - Run For Your Life

Well, this was supposed to be a post about the importance of exercise to both a caregiver and a terminally ill patient...

But I'm not up to writing that. I'm sorry.

Instead, it's perhaps appropriate for the caregiver to consider this...that your dying spouse is actually running for his or her life, using mental techniques and sometimes physical ones to keep the reality of dying at bay.

It's easy to dismiss this as denial, but I think there's something deeper involved...the desire to leap over that wall of one's own death and to continue living in the world.

For the unbeliever, I suppose it's a desperate grab at immortality...but believers do this, too.

I think it' more about not wanting to say goodbye. I know that's true for me.

As the caregiver, what should you do? If you go along with this kind of thing, are you enabling a fantasy? Are you making it easier to shy away from the end-of-life decisions and stock-taking that really need to be made?

Yes and yes. And it's something you should do. (Within limits...if the 'planning for a future that ain't gonna happen' involves large expenditures of money or the making of plans that can never be implemented, yeah, don't go along with that!)

But the point is that death's going to come, regardless...and personally (and selfishly) I have no desire to go through my books and tools and portion them out to appropriate recipients.

I should do it, I know...but it's going to get me really, really depressed (kind of depressed writing about it!), and I think that might be worse for Barbara than leaving her holding the baby, so to speak.

So I'll continue, as strength permits, to build parts for an aeroplane I'll never finish, let alone fly...and I'll plan to see the next Avengers movie when it comes out...and the one after that.

So now, let's change the mood...here's Boy George and Culture Club to the rescue!

Still hoping to get the new and improved version of Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart up and running in the near future. Just haven't had the energy to do it yet...but if you would like to read it, please say so in your comment and I'd be glad to send you a PDF (which should fit your Kindle).

I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.

WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.

Your Dying Spouse 334 - Jesus Calling

This is the evening of Sunday, July 9, 2017

Yesterday, Saturday the eighth, Jesus dropped by.

I was in really bad shape, alternating between unconsciousness and shrieking in pain, and during one of the interludes I remember (most of the day's lost), Jesus stopped by.

First He gave me a cold bottle of water. I can't tell you how it tasted...I know it's supposed to be the best water eer, but all I can remember is that it was water. Sorry.

Then He told me He admired the smooth transition I made from hardass to dumbass. His words.

And finally, He asked me just who I was still trying to impress.

And that was the end of the interview.

It's tempting to insert commentary here, to give this all a context and framework, but it wouldn't be honest.

This was just Jesus, my friend, stopping by to give me some water and a hard time.

Still hoping to get the new and improved version of Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart up and running in the near future. Just haven't had the energy to do it yet...but if you would like to read it, please say so in your comment and I'd be glad to send you a PDF (which should fit your Kindle).

I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.

WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.

Your Dying Spouse 333 - From Humiliation To Hope {FMF}

Well, the last eighteen hours or so go into the books as some of the most painful and humiliating in my life. Didn't realize just how much illness could take, in terms of control of the body. (I won't be too specific, but I won't be coy.)

Never wanted to realize it, and darn sure didn't want my wife to see it. I don't want her to think of me that way.

I don't want to think of me that way, either.

(This is written ahead for Five Minute Friday, and I will try to include this week's keyword when it's announced.)

The FMF word is PLAY.

But, as is usually the case, God was waiting behind Door # 1 (and Door #2, get it??) with a lessons learned folder, just for me.

After the lengthy cleanup or surroundings and self, I was exhausted, and weak as the proverbial kitten.

But I felt good.

There was no spring in my step, but there was a lightness of heart that I had not felt in a long time. That's odd, because these events that steal one's self-respect are normally attended by depression, both from the physical discomfort and the shame that it's past the point where not even Depends would make a public outing a good idea.

So why the joy?

Because I felt clean.

The ordeal was behind me, at least for now; skin was cool and my and clothing smelled of new soap and detergent, and a really nice fabric softener. It lay loosely against me, and a fan stirred a gentle breeze past my face.

If felt good just to enjoy that washed and fresh feeling. Not to compare it with anything, just to be there in the moment, and let quiet stirrings of hope lift the corners of my heart, and lift the corners of my mouth in a smile.

My prospects didn't change, but my outlook did.

And I wonder...did Jesus feel this way when He started taking off the tomb-wrappings? Did He occasionally just stretch out His arms for the sheer joy of stretching them, treasuring the moment?

And is this how we all will feel when we look first time and forever into His Face, as He welcomes us home?

Clean.

Washed in the Blood of the Lamb.

You may have noticed that I m slower in replying to comments, and sometimes don't make it back to your site...I am sorry for that, but I've lost a lot of energy lately. I do ask for your patience, and please now that I treasure your comments.

And the FMF word? I guess this situation is a challenge to live the words of Hugh Latimer:

"Play the man, Master Ridley; we shall this day light such a candle, by God's grace, in England, as I trust shall never be put out."

Let's call in The Hooters for a musical theme, with the high-energy and fun And We Danced.

Still hoping to get the new and improved version of Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart up and running in the near future. Just haven't had the energy to do it yet...but if you would like to read it, please say so in your comment and I'd be glad to send you a PDF (which should fit your Kindle).

I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.

WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.

Your Dying Spouse 332 - Days Of Trial

This will be another short post...I did catch up on the comments from the previous two posts, and I greatly appreciate the time y'all took to drop by and comment.

More than you know; in a life that's become very isolated, all y'all's a lifeline.

Yes, I did live in Texas. However did you know?

These have been very hard days, both physically and mentally. The battering my body's taking is leaving me, most of the time, in an eerie netherworld between cognizance and unconsciousness, and memories, dreams, and the like float by unbidden.

Most of them pretty unpleasant.

I'm not asking for sympathy here...but if you ever find yourself in the role of a caregiver for someone who's terminally ill and going out hard, expect the toll it will take on the soul.

Hey, a rhyme! The toll it will take on the soul...cool.

And it's not easy for Barb, because pain makes me somewhat less than coherent. She mentioned that I had recently told her that she looked like Patrick Stewart, and that Leonard Nimoy was in the closet.

Ah, the cultural influence of Star Trek!

I have to go now, but I'll leave you with a bit of music that I hope you'll enjoy...The Seekers, from way back in the 60s...I'll Never Find Another You.

Your Dying Spouse 331 - Nice Music

Way too ill to write anything worthwhile, but here's some music you may enjoy. Perhaps you've not heard it before, but I imagine you'll recognize the voice of David Gates.

Your Dying Spouse 330 - This Is How You Do It {FMF}

Maybe the title should be "this is how I do it"; I've had a lot of people say that they don't understand how I can keep functioning effectively with increasing levels of pain and debility (as in, fatigue and incontinence), and even more...how I can maintain a positive attitude.

So I'll let you in on some of the secrets. And you can take advantage of this SPECIAL OFFER to buy the DVD for just...

Oh, shut up, salesman-me. There's no DVD.

But there are some books...

Oh, shut up!

Will the salesman stay quiet?..let's hope so. I do have a roll of duct tape handy.

And, oh yes, this is written for Five Minute Friday, over the span of a few days (which included being bitten by a brown recluse), so please excuse the somewhat choppy tone...and I will work in the keyword if I can, when it's announced. (The word's BLESSING. It's there.)

Where were we? Oh, yes. the secrets to dealing effectively with a hopeless situation:

• Embrace the horror...that's a cool line from the 1998 Bruce Willis movie Armageddon, and I couldn't resist. But seriously, not saying cancer is not going to make it go away. Ascribing a new symptom that falls within your diagnosis to something more benign (like allergies) is not going to halt the progress of the disease. You'll have to face it some time; do it now and have some energy saved for fighting back.
• Get comfortable with discomfort. Ever wonder how seals learn to balance a beach ball on their nose...uh, wait, wrong analogy. Ever wonder how NAVY SEALS can do cool ninja stuff under the worst conditions? It's simple; their training is done on a schedule, and not according to the weather or making allowance for injuries. If the job has to be done, it gets done, no excuses. They have to get comfortable with extreme discomfort. Same thing here. I don't seek to make myself 'comfortable' beyond certain limits, because it degrades the edge I need. For example, I very rarely use a chair, and sit instead on the floor...and I sleep on an ottoman whose cushion is perished, so it'a like sleeping on a pallet that's missing a few boards. Accepting chosen discomfort without complaint makes it easier to face the pain of the illness that happened to me.
• No whining...OK, limited whining. I do allow myself to say, "This hurts!" or "This is scary!" It does hurt and it is scary, but what's saying it going to do for me? Nothing. Some doctor once said "you are what you eat" (having eaten bugs and snakes and worse, I don't like that). I have a better one...you are what you say. Whine, and you can be a victim. Any takers? Didn't think so.
• No downbeat media, so cancel that Ingmar Bergman film fest you've been planning for the next three-day weekend. Roll with Adam Sandler instead. May I recommend Anger Management?
• Perspective pays off. Sure, I'm dying, and it's going to get nasty...it's starting to get even nastier than I ever thought it would. But hey...I have a dry place to sleep, adequate food, entertainment, work that gives me purpose (this blog), and most of all the love of my wife, my dogs, and all of you out there in Internet-land. And no one is trying to kill me; no one is taking pleasure in my pain. There are a whole lot of people in the world who can't say any of that. How can I be so gauche as to complain about my lot?
• Push past physical limits. If pain demands that you walk a mile with him, go for two...seriously, do more than you have to, so that you know that tomorrow you'll have the confidence to achieve the 'minimum'.
• Set short-term goals; don't look at the Big Picture. Today my goals were feeding the dogs without collapsing, and then taking a rest whilst trying not to pass out while smoking a cigar. If I can do any writing the first goal will be to bring up Word, and type a paragraph. If I can do more, fine. But if I only do the paragraph, I have achieved my goal.
• Plan for the future; having a personal stake in tomorrow, something you really want to accomplish, that gives you the hook that can pull you through a deadly today. Make the future your magnet, and let it draw you through today's Slough Of Despond (with a nod to John Bunyan, there).
• Did you catch the words 'hopeless situation' above? Well, you've got to have hope. Not the "my healing miracle is just around the corner because I discovered the secret code to effective prayer!" kind, but the hope that's rooted in the conviction that all of what is happening can be turned to a better and higher purpose. You don't, like Job, 'get double for your trouble';  you get the opportunity to witness God's presence in your life, and the fact that if you trust Him to get you through each day, He will.
• Count your blessings. You have more of them that you ever thought possible.

See how simple it is? There's no 'secret sauce'; I'm no braver than you are, and my faith is probably more fragmented than yours.

If I can get through this with head high and self-respect intact, anyone can.

The musical theme today is the very first music video ever aired on MTV...The Buggles' Video Killed The Radio Star. Enjoy some New Wave without shame!

Still hoping to get the new and improved version of Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart up and running in the near future. Just haven't had the energy to do it yet...but if you would like to read it, please say so in your comment and I'd be glad to send you a PDF (which should fit your Kindle).

I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.

WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.

Your Dying Spouse 329 - YGBSM

After The Weekend From Hell, part passed in pain-induced shock and thus unremembered by me (but engraved on Barbara's soul), the fun continued.

I was bitten by a brown recluse, one of the more venomous spiders in the US.

The bite is halfway up the thight, and the leg's swollen and nasty, with involvement into the lyph nodes in the groin. It hurts, and amputation would seem really cool right now.

And...there's the abscessed tooth.

Hence the title..after the extraordinarily rough weekend...this too, God?

Ya gotta be s****n' me! YGBSM.

But no, He's not. This is simply what happens when you live in a fallen world.

You get sick, you get bitten by spider, accidents happen.

If God shielded you from it, as a reward for being a good Christian, He'd be undermining His own purpose.

And His purpose is to let each one of us choose to become citizens of Heaven.

We have to choose Him. That wasn't His original intention, but we've inherited Adam's 'curse'; we've inherited the rejection of Grace.

And we can't earn it back.

We can only live the lives we have, with all the horrible things that may happen, and live in faith, and hope, and in the love that affirms that we are, in spite of it all, Loved.

We can accept that love through our adversity, as a help and a guide, or we can choose to distort that love through the lens of entitlement and our idea of 'justice', and throw it back in God's face.

I don't deserve this! It's not fair.

No, we don't deserve the trials of this life.

We deerve far worse. Eternal damnation, in fact.

The thing that saves us, the only thing, is the miracle we inherited, along with the curse of Adam.

Someone already served our sentence.

And we're free to go.

The musical theme is, perhaps appropriately, Pat Benatar's We Belong.

Still hoping to get the new and improved version of Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart up and running in the near future. Just haven't had the energy to do it yet...but if you would like to read it, please say so in your comment and I'd be glad to send you a PDF (which should fit your Kindle).

I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.

WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.