Overwhelment
Everyone has days,
weeks, or months that life
becomes more then our human capacity can handle. I realize the Bible says that God won't give
us more than we can handle. But there
are times I honestly thinks He's out of His mind. Anyone else been there? Be honest!
I accept but don't understand God's Sovereignty,
His special rules for the balance of life and the universe. As a long-term caregiver, I'm at the point of thinking even God's gotta
be willing to make an expectation. What
in God's creation are we doing wrong that would keep Him from making this situation
better or give the sufferer ultimate relief.
It was overwhelming a very long time ago to watch Andrew
slowly lose abilities, joys, and life
satisfaction. Yes it happened incrementally, but what is the point now? The increments are smaller fractions of lose, but lose feels greater to Andrew. The frustrations higher, the emotions unstable.
I realize we haven't even hit the additional worst for a homebound
person. God help me even more
then!
For those who have additional family, freinds, or community
service support to elevate the stress, I hope you value the blessings. As many of you know, I'm sole caregiver and provider with no
feasible possibility of assistance. So
life easily becomes beyond overwhelming, not incapacitating. Although concern lives in the recesses of my
mind that I may not be able to physically handle all the demands someday. After all, I'm only one human with
limitations too.
Once again, I have no real answers to a dilemma. But I do again ask for each of us to
consider how can you better prepare yourself, your lifestyle, etc. so life could
be easily adjusted? Adjust for your
needs yes, but more for the caregiver(s). Daily life needs a simplicity for those who
provide the essentials of your life one day.
Music for today is from Mercy Me, with Even If.
Oh Barbara! He won't temp us beyond what we can handle, but with God we can handle more than we ever thought possible. I LOVE, LOVE LOVE that Mercy Me song!
ReplyDeleteOur oldest daughter's birthmother has been given 1-2 weeks, she has a fast growing cancer that was just discovered about 2 months ago. This I don't understand, why do some suffer so much longer and others don't?
Praying for you both!
Praying for you daughter.
DeletePraying for your daughter's heart, mind, and soul. May the birth mother find her way to God's arms, if she hasn't already.
ReplyDeleteWe used to say, God's got some answering to do. Now, we are so indifferent as to why, if God wants to answer why fine and if not, then a useful and peaceful existence in eternity will have to do.
Barbara, yes, overwhelmed is the word for it. Even professional caregivers get overloaded and burnt out, needing respite. It seems you need to train a respite person for an emergency?? One that knows not to take them to the ER? Our thoughts and prayers are with you, dear friends.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Tammy
Tammy, in a worse case scenario we have a long time freind in Abilene Texas. He loves Andrew very much and would abide by Andrew's wishes. He stood in my steed when my mother passed, so I could be with family.
DeleteI hate to impose upon others a situation very difficult to step, I've grown accustomed to a chaotic lifestyle most would run screaming away.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteYes, Barb, that is all so very true. I know you may be a bit familiar with our story, but my FIL who lived with us already had short-term memory issues (from a minor stroke), then got throat cancer --- so he couldn't swallow, but couldn't remember that he couldn't swallow, which led to quite the unproductive and frustrating cycle. And he was such a good man in all the crucial ways --- it's hard to understand why he had to have that particular last journey. I will pray for you --- and if you ever need an ear (or whatever) don't hesitate to let me know. paulakiger@gmail.com
ReplyDeletePaula, thank you for sharing. Andrew, as well, has goodness, kindness, compassion, wisdom that still gets me through the daily work day dilemmas. His daily prayers for my team and boss and VPs are incomparable to any prayers I've ever read.
DeleteIt is confounding to grasp long journeys of suffering and how the journey teaches anyone affected some growth lesson. Many people I've encountered have ultimately shrunk away from any caregiving after the death of the terminally ill person has passed. I'm unsure how I will ultimately react.
Thank you for offering to be a leaning post. Part of this unexpected journey has been wonderful unexpected freinds and support.
Barbara, I hear you. It is overwhelming. Praying for you both. Your post also reminded me of a blogpost I read today over at the Mudroom. I think it will speak to you. About how God is with us in the midst of it all, God can handle it!
ReplyDeleteTara, would this be the correct link, http://tammygrrrl.com/the-mudroom ?
DeleteThis is the post I was talking about: http://mudroomblog.com/foster-care-more-than-i-can-handle/
DeleteBarbara, thank you for the straightforward honesty here. I cannot imagine the burden you carry. I wish I lived closer and could offer a helping hand from time to time. It is hard when God doesn't seem to answer our pleas. I am praying as you and Andrew press on in the unanswered seasons.
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for strength for you, for rest, and for encouragement. I'm praying for Andrew as he walks out each agonizing day.
Thank you for the questions and suggestions at the end of your post. I need to consider those. Praying for you tonight!
Jeanne, thank you for your specific prayers and your desire to help. 😁 I have to admit, neither Andrew or I know how to completely give up. In very different ways, we both had to overcome obstacles that created a "do or die" attitude. I guess that is why, admist insurmountable odds we still fight, we still get in each others way fighting for survival and occasional battle one another unintentionally. Ah the joys of communal living. ☺
DeleteBarbara know you and Andrew are being lifted up.
ReplyDeleteMay you find comfort in knowing you aren't walking through this alone. This community cares, but most of all God is walking along beside you. Let Him help you carry it.
Deborah, 4th and you for your faithful prayers and the reminder we don't stand alone. 😀
DeleteBarbara, I don't even have words. I so appreciate your honesty and transparency. May you and Andrew cling to Jesus even more tightly than ever before. I only know one answer - Jesus and Jesus alone. He is our only Hope. And I am not sure how, but I know this, He somehow holds us up. Praying for you both today. Truly.
ReplyDeleteJoanne, He does protect us daily. Ofvthst fact I am assure.
DeleteBarbara, no wonder you feel overwhelmed at times. I am constantly amazed at the strength both you and Andrew have shown as you walk through something so difficult for so long. I wish there was something practical I could do to help, but I will be praying for you both as always. I love the song you shared!
ReplyDeleteLesley, provide the something practical to a long-term caregiver near you. Be their answer to a prayer.
DeleteJust sitting here with you right now, Barbara ... praying as the rain comes down.
ReplyDeleteOh Barbara. All I can say is praying for you. And asking Him to show you that He is holding you both very close and giving grace to help in time of need.
ReplyDeleteRebekah, thank you. We need our daily prayer warriors.
DeleteGod bless you, Barb. God bless you.
ReplyDeleteSusan, thank you. Even If the answer is no, He is still our Provision.
DeleteWishing I could be there to do something practical to help. I only get a snap shot through your blog. I don't understand why there is no assistance and what I or anyone else can do to help other than pray now. What else can we do?
ReplyDeleteLeigh, thank you for your concern. Neither Andrew or I are parents so no t
DeletePossible kind of support there. My immediate family lives 1500 miles away and Andrew's is all deceased.
Finally and most disappointing the social security disability process has failed us after 5 years of jumping through hoops and an attorney. So we trust in God's provision and we move to the next day.
Don't lose heart, Barbara.
ReplyDeleteBeth. I hold on to Jesus everyday. This is His gig, I just get to be the instrument. That Does mean I require maintenance and I do remind Him that's His job.
DeleteWhen all you can do is all you can do, that's all you can do, as the saying goes. I won't stop praying for both you.
ReplyDeleteJanet, so true. Thank you.
DeleteI think the crux of that verse is the second part...He will with the temptation make a way of escape so you may be able to bear it. Look for the way of escape, not from the situation, but from the temptation, whatever that is. It may be giving everything over to Him a thousand times a day, pray without ceasing, or getting with a friend to just rant or laugh, whatever the release is. And be kind to yourself. Yes you are human and have limitations. Praying still for you both.
ReplyDeleteMary, thank you for the words of God's wisdom. We will look for the way ofescape from temptation.
Deletebarbara, we will pray for you since i don't know where you live and can't help in person. GOD gives grace to us when we fell in over our heads...even when we are overwhelmed. i'm not sure what your solution is for now. i have felt overwhelmed more than once in the past couple of years since my husband has been sick, but he isn't ill in the same ways andrew is. i do know that more than once, when i felt overwhelmed, i told GOD that i needed Him to intervene. sometimes i wasn't even sure in what ways i needed the help. he has done it in different ways, sometimes he sends a person, at others, He sends some very encouraging words. it is interesting to watch Him work! each time I have been thankful and encouraged. often, He has provided people who could help me to finish projects i needed help with. sometimes, He gives me an extra measure of courage. i will pray for Him to give you encouragement and hope today.
ReplyDeleteMartha, thank you for sharing. God is our provider of our needs and not our wants. That includes providing for the dog sanctuary that we still. Not one of us has gone hungry or thirsty since I became sole income. I don't make the same income level Andrew did. Regardless, God has provided. He also provided freindship in a technology atmosphere that would not have occurred 25 or more years ago. We are thankful daily for God's provision.
DeleteEverything you said – YES!! Everything is overwhelming when you're a caregiver. I, too, have wondered... God, what is the exact point of all this? Although I yearn for an answer, I've learned to just let God be God. He IS bigger than anything we have to face, whether caregiver or patient. How I wish we could be near you to lend support – physical, emotional, spiritual. We lift you and Andrew up to the Lord constantly. God leans over the bannister of Heaven to hear our prayers. Our hearts are with you both! ♥
ReplyDeleteLord Jesus, we ask for You to surround Barbara and Andrew with your presence... give Barbara the physical and mental strength she needs as she faces each day... hold Andrew in Your arms, provide the comfort and peace that he so desperately needs. Let their faith grow in You... give them courage and hope, and rain down the power of Your grace upon them. Amen and Amen.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDiana, beautiful and perfect prayer. This evening Andrew was needed a special touch and he suddenly said, "I feel someone's warm had touching my back". Shortly thereafter he took a nap.
ReplyDeleteThat's so wonderful!! I'm sure it was Jesus, right there to give Andrew the rest he needed! We know that He works in mysterious ways, and we know that prayer works. ♥
DeleteThank you for keeping Andrew's blog alive. It's nice to hear your voice and to know how you're managing. I hit overwhelm this week, too, in my caregiving role with my folks. But even in this, there were some beautiful moments. I wish it could be easier for both of you, and I hope and pray it will be. Snow was on the western mountain range this morning, how lovely. Rain in the valley, how needful. A homemade lemon cake for my sister's birthday, how delicious. A blog by Andrew's best friend and wife, how meaningful. Bless you, Barbara. Bless you, Andrew. May you find joy in the little things. Still praying.
ReplyDeleteNorma, praying for you and your folks as each day is blessed time. My Mom was been gone 4 years and most days something I do reminds me of her.
DeleteI have been considering the next several blogs, and would like to discuss the blessings in our days that mostly outweigh the hardships.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteMarie, thank you. I heard a sermon this evening the made me immediately think of this blog and everyone's response to help. The topic was taking on the action of hospitality. The desire to help us is awesome, but since time and space may make that difficult, there are other long term caregivers near you. They may need a yard cleaned, or need grocery shopping done when they are sick themselves or need a nap instead, or in the fall there maybe a need for preparation for the winter, or a million other daily/weekly things that have to take less priority. One other item is, if the family lives in the county trash pickup may have been a cost the reduced budget could not allow. A group of families with trucks could make arrangements for a Saturday morning community service project and lend a helping hand. No cost to the caregiver
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure there is an easier adjustment, Barbara. You are living in a war zone with Andrew fighting for his life and no let up in sight! I'm praying that you feel God's comfort and grace as you both trudge through the Valley of Death together. Prayers are being lifted, my friend!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteBeth, thank you. You are correct it is a war zone. The fight is not over Andrew's physical body but his soul. Lucifer tries to our smart the Children of the Most High God, forgetting we wear the Armour of Our Lord, bought by Jesus. So Lucifer fails miserably each time.
ReplyDeleteHave you considered Hospice care. Medicare pays the entire amount.
ReplyDeleteThank you, sweet Barbara. In my mind, I picture Andrew whole and fine, in spite of what I know to be true. I don't think I could stand to see him in pain. My heart is so full of love for you both.
ReplyDelete