Thursday, June 13, 2024

The Virtue Of Self-Pity


Yeah, that's an odd title. (And no, that's not Honey feeling sorry for herself. That's Honey stealing my bed.)

To most, self-pity is a culturally defined weakness, something to be held in contempt.

But is it?

If you can't genuinely feel sorry for yourself when you're facing hard trials, can you feel for anyone else?

Obviously, an excess of self-care is wrong, but, in this life, so is an excess of ANY virtue.

Does killing self-pity also devalue empathy and sympathy? Will you become like the centurion Rufus that Tacitus famously described, 'all the more relentless because he had endured it himself '? (BTW, Rufus did get his comeuppance, a blanket party given by his men, in which they put a blanket over his head - so he couldn't see who was there - and beat the tar out of him.)

I think the question is valid, mainly because...this is me. I cope with an increasingly painful and tiring situation by saying that it's mind over matter.

I don't mind, and it don't matter.

And, for me, it works. I've callused my own heart, and get through each day, doing what I still can, in good and upbeat style.

But someone pays the price...Barb, because if I don't really care about myself, how can she care about me without feeling foolish...and how can she trust my sympathy for her?

I need to change, but don't know how. And maybe more tellingly, I'm afraid I might not like what I become.

They will tell you it's a sin
if you go and pity you,
but it's somewhere to begin 
to learn to pity others, too.
Being hard has much allure 
to men who went through life like me,
but it cannot be a cure,
and indeed blocks sympathy 
for those who've been less fortunate,
and are perhaps more sensitive,
so don't let your heart denigrate 
who they are or how they live,
for the pride in your stiff back
only highlights what you lack.

As further food for thought, here's a clip from The Fellowship Of The Ring

The Five Minute Friday prompt this week is COVER. Can I cover that subject? We'll see.

Cover is as cover does,
it keeps you safe from harm.
Though you hear the bullets buzz,
you need feel no alarm,
for they cannot get to you,
on their single-minded path.
Knowing that this is quite true,
you can stop to laugh,
but not too long, so have a care
that the little folk are banking
on your being unaware 
that they might be flanking,
and in your mind this thought might lurk,
'Shoulda found another line of work!'

Three minutes flat. Experience matters.

Sylvia thinks anyone who isn't her
 SHOULD feel sorry for themselves.







12 comments:

  1. Hmmm lots to ponder here, Andrew. I think pity is a slippery slope to destruction. And I think empathy can be cultivated. I personally don't think pity and empathy correlate. I think it's good to extend grace to ourselves and others which gives room for our strength and weaknesses/good days and bad days, etc. May the Lord continue to give you both grace as you walk this journey together.

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    1. Lisa, good points. I may have been a bit loose with the semantics, intending to describe empathy rather than pity, but I don't know. I might have said exactly what was in my heart, and there uncovered that slippery slope!

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  2. I think I see your insignias in the background. I wish they weren't blurry. :)

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    1. They have to be blurry on purpose, Lisa. Even now!

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  3. One of your Best and Honest posts to date.

    It is true the more hard and self distant one is to themselves, the less empathetic, less sympathetic one is to a harsh condition, the more those vlose to them become that way to themselves and the person suffering.
    I have learned to be more harsh to myself, suffer more in all respects, abd distance feelings that are unproductive.
    - Yep Me again Barbara

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    1. And for that I am so, so sorry. I have been so wrong, all the way through.

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  4. That's Hunny, never thought a person would will a dog to someone. I learned a new lesson in trust.
    Yep Me again

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    1. She's almost a caricature German Shepherd, overdosed on Rin Tin Tin. But by God we love her.

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  5. Interesting thoughts, Andrew! There is a fine line between self-care and egoism, discipline and self-judgment...

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    1. There is a fine line indeed, and sometimes it can only be seen in retrospect.

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  6. oh... I laughed with your cover poem... very apropro Visiting from FMF15 and honey looks like she deserves to steal your bed. :)

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  7. Hmm. Interesting thoughts about self pity. I'd never thought of it that way before. Will have to ponder your words some more.

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