Staying Close To God

 As the whole cancer thing gets way worse (major setback in the last couple of weeks), I find that I'm still happy, still forward-looking, and still find purpose in days in which simply rising from a chair, let alone walking, takes planning.

(For what it's worth, I have two favoured chairs, one a wooden dining-room chair, the other a piece of plastic lawn furniture. Both are relatively tall, and neither are cushioned, factors which make getting to my feet with leg metastases a lot easier.)

Anyway, I think that the reason I'm doing OK is that I make a deliberate effort to stay close to God.

First, whenever I'm tempted to self-pity or frustration, I think about Jesus' ordeal, from Gethsemane to Calvary. The remembered imagery from The Passion Of The Christ helps.

Second, I censor what's coming in, and any media with unhelpful messaging gets the boot. This does include some Christian programming; Health and Wealth gospel isn't welcome here.

The only commercial TV we watch is NASCAR and football. Otherwise it's all TBN.

Third, I keep The Chosen on while I'm doing woodwork, or, more often now, cleaning up 3D prints (I got a low-budget Ender 3 cheap). The way the story is told really resonates in my heart.

Fourth, and most important, I talk to God. Yes, He reads my heart, but I've got to use words, so I know exactly what I'm saying.

I always had a yearning for just this, casual conversation with an immanent God. Now I'm here, and if cancer is the price of entry, it's gladly paid.

I wanted so to stroll with Him

in the fragrant cool of evening,

when streetlights were all a-glim,

that I'd listen close, receiving

wisdom and enlightenment,

holding all He cared to say,

but this smacked of entitlement,

and things didn't work that way.

Now my dinner makes me wince,

and 'fore I stand I grit my teeth,

but I won't whine or murmur since

through cancer I did fall beneath

the blessed shadow of His wing,

and I would not change a thing.

The Five Minute Friday prompt this week is MAINTAIN.

I once thought I could maintain

a quite vigourous life,

but then the cancer brought the rain,

and flooded days with strife,

a fight where I could not prevail,

but moved backwards, inch by yard,

and in the face of this I'd quail

because it was so very hard,

but Someone stepped in front of me

to take all of hell's rage,

Someone who I'd learned to see

upon thin dusty page,

but now stood boldly in my stead

that I might rest my weary head.

Four minutes, and about fifteen seconds.

Music from Jimmy Buffett, with Jolly Mon Sing

Sylvia stays close to God through ice cream.