Thursday, June 29, 2023

Afraid



An interesting cloud formation, and Barb with Roscoe P. Coltrane.

Things have gotten a lot worse of late. Thought I was dying this afternoon. Don't think I did.

Scared, and don't want to leave.

I'm in good company.

He knew just where He had to go,
He knew about His Father's plan,
but this was His first rodeo,
and our Lord Jesus was a man
who felt the sunlight on His skin,
smelled raindrops in the early morn,
and how might even He begin
to see the fabric rent and torn?
His faith was good as it could be,
but even He did have to leap:
'I commend My soul to Thee!',
and in these last words He did keep
covenant with we souls that pray
for a path that leads beyond today.

The Five Minute Friday prompt this week is MUSIC. So let's make some.

I really thought I died today,
but there was grace between the fears
as from somewhere so far away
I heard the Music of the Spheres,
and beheld the shining orbs
as I sailed above the sun,
rising ever-lighter towards
the blessed union with the One.
And then I fell back through the sky
to gasp upon the kitchen floor,
glad to live, wondering why
the Lord of Hosts had slammed the door
to leave me at the edge of night
with yet another tale to write.

A touch less than three minutes, maybe because the experience is so vitally fresh.

Music from Manafest, with Every Time You Run.

Sylvia's faith is direct. Ice cream comes from God.


28 comments:

  1. Beautiful Andrew. One of your Best!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I appreciate this, Andrew, "grace between the fears" and "rising ever-lighter towards the blessed union with the One." May the Lord continue to give you and Barb grace as you walk this journey together.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lisa, thank you for this, and for your continued prayers. Things are physically awful now, and I joke that if God's got a healing, He'd better shift it, otherwise there will be nothing left to heal

      But, if course, I jest; I have been healed from resentment and rancour.

      I'm OK.

      Delete
  3. Oh Andrew, I have no words. Sending (((hugs))) and prayers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Grams, thanks so much...hugs and prayers are so appreciated!

      Delete
  4. My heart is sad to know that your journey higher is paved with such pain. I know that you have many FMF friends who are praying for you and Barb as you "rise towards the blessed union with the One" (beautiful imagery there, Andrew). It will be a sad day when I look at FMF and don't see a post from you, dear brother Andrew. I will truly miss your inspirational tales and poetic comments. That said, I know that when your journey Home is complete, your earthly pain will be forever gone, and that will be a glorious day. In the meantime, I am praying for continued "grace between the fears" for both of you. Your sister in Christ, Cindie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cindie, your loving words and affirmation are a treasure. Thank you so much for this.

      Delete
  5. Andrew, I am so very grateful God gives you "grace between the fears." And I am also grateful you are yet among us. I am amazed at the community God creates among His children, even when we all may not be in person. May the Lord continue to be with you and Barb, giving you strength and peace each day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Joanne. I'm glad I'm still here, and still able to be part of this community, for such, methinks, is the kingdom of Heaven.

      Delete
  6. I also always look forward to reading your posts and poems. Praying for you and your dear wife and pup. Your raw honesty is so deeply appreciated.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Allie, I am so glad that you find something of value here... and we are all so grateful for your prayers!

      Delete
  7. I'm sorry things have been so hard and scary, Andrew. Praying you know more and more of God's "grace between the fears."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lesley, thanks. God IS here; without His presence I would be lost indeed.

      Delete
  8. I'm torn. Because you are torn with wanting to go and wanting to stay. I am encouraged by the way you can see the angst of Christ in your suffering. I'm sorry you are suffering and I want you to be free, but I would miss your words full of pictures and meaning.
    Prayers for a more peaceful and smooth transition.
    ~Lisa #fmf 10

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lisa, I am torn as well... I want to stay, but I am so tired!

      Thank you for the loving affirmation. You made my day.

      Delete
  9. One of these days, that experience will be lasting. I look forward to an end of pain for you, but will regret the loss none the same.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh Andrew, I'm heartbroken at your pain but rejoicing that you always testify to God's "grace between the fears". Praying for you that God will continue to carry you until you arrive home, whole and well. But oh how you will be missed!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kym, it's hard, harder now than when I wrote this, but it's worth it. I know God so much better, and see the definition of His purpose in this writing.

      Delete
  11. Andrew... your unwavering hope has gotten me through the dark days of being angry with God "between the fears" of his disappearance. He is still gone. It has been 5 years this month... but if you can still believe in God's love and His plan, then I can too. Thank you. And honestly, I think you could just end up being Lazarus with the grace we've seen present in your life. Praying praying praying for sweet peace in body, mind and soul. Jane Williams

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jane, my heart goes out to you. It can be so hard...for me, wanting to have a couple of limbs cut away because the metastases hurt so much.

      And I hear the TV preachers...buy my book, and I will show you how to pray prayers that GET ANSWERED!

      But Jesus prayed at Gethsemane, for the cup to pass from Him.

      God said, No.

      That's reality, and acceptance is the bedrock of redemption.

      Delete
  12. Oh! The slamming of the door was a disappointment, and perhaps you wonder why. Maybe it is so that we on FMF can read of 'the grace between the fears'. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tish, the door slamming was indeed hard. Just waiting for a window to open now...

      And your comment speaks to that window. Thank you.

      Delete
  13. So powerful... and touching. Praying for you and Barbara... trusting His timing for that final call will come only when He calls you Home! Selfishly, for us and for Barabara - we want you to stay... but only as long as HE has allotted... oh for the Grace between the Fears!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Karrilee, I truly believe that it will be in the fullness of His grace that I am called home...and meanwhile, I will do my best here, where I am placed.

      Delete
  14. The beauty of your words, Andrew, is that they give us so much hope. I know you are suffering, as is Barb, but your faith is such a powerful testimony. May God ease your way with continued grace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Corinne, I have found that for me, hopeless pain has been the crucible of faith.

      I would never wish that I might have avoided this, for in flinching from hell, I would have flinched from God.

      Delete