"Please tell me how this ends..."
It's a plea writ both large and small, in a country that seems literally hell-bent on destroying itself by cutting away the rule of law...
...and in a life that's gotten so hard of late, with trips to the dunny on the quarter-hour, dry heaves in between, a total aversion to food, and pain about which I can no longer joke.
Will our days devolve to armed mobs battling in the streets, burning neighbours in their beds, and an army desperately turned inward to try to quell the madness?
Am I fated to a feeding tube, to keep me alive as long as possible, even though I'm DNR with a living will? If I were a horse they'd shoot me, but conventional wisdom says that suffering is good for a man's soul.
Perhaps there's a reason God made the world round.
This has all gone too chaotic,
my light in cancer's prism bends,
and the earth's kaleidoscopic;
can you tell me how this ends?
I have loved You since my youth;
God, I thought that we were friends.
Will Ye not reveal the truth,
and please tell me how this ends?
Came an angel from the welkin,
came an angel to the ground,
"I am here for you need telling
there's a reason world is round:
horizon hides both joy and dread,
lest by either you're misled."
Music from Ed Ames, with Who Will Answer? (Blogger changed its interface, and some folks are having trouble; if the video doesn't appear, you can click the title to see it. It's a good song)
I do try to answer each comment in a timely fashion, but with Internet providers really stretched, I have only about half of the access I once did. Please bear with me!
Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.
Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.
Andrew, my heart goes out to you. Hope and peace can be such slippery things to hold onto, especially in the midst of pain, I know.
ReplyDeleteMay you hear His whispered comfort in the eye of the storm xx
Liz, thank you so very much for this support, and reassurance. I do listen for His whispers; I do hear them.
DeleteAndrew, in all you are going through, may you hold onto the One who calms every storm. Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteJoanne, thank you so much. Your prayers are really, really appreciated.
DeletePromise me brother - if the fit hits the shan, YOU hand the arms to B. xo
ReplyDeleteSusan, yes...my role will be that of spear-bearer.
DeleteXOXOXOXO
May the peace of Christ guard your heart. Lord have mercy on my brother.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this...my heart is at peace, more so than when I wrote this, and though the mercy is severe, it's there.
DeleteWe can know how all this ends... Nothing can separate us from the love of God. Peace, dear Andrew.
ReplyDeleteKaren, thank you so much for this wonderful reminder, that nothing can separate us from His love!
DeleteThank you for sharing the tunes! I always look forward to what you'll bring out of the music box. May the Holy Spirit continue to comfort you.
ReplyDeleteAnita, I'm so glad you enjoy the music. I always have fun selecting it.
DeleteAnd thank you o much for your presence and good wishes.
Andrew I relate on a totally different level, but I too have been asking God how things will end and I have been writing poems on suffering and cycles and seasons, all searching for reasons. He is pure wisdom. He led me to Psalm 139 (again). My favorite Psalm tells me I am known and loved and held and protected in every season. And so are you, my friend, even in the midst of this delirious haze we stumble threw, and throw up all over. Yes, there is no shame and He is not offended by our disillusionment of it all. Praying for you along with all believers to keep looking to Him though we so often cannot see Him.
ReplyDeleteMary, I love Ps. 139. We are indeed loved an protecte, even when we can see and feel neither...the limitation is in our eyes and hearts, not His.
DeleteThank you so much for the prayers, and know that we are praying for you.
I have no idea how this ends. But my hope is in the next world. A new body (A slim one please) and a life with our saviour. I pray for peace and comfort for you in this time. I have absolutely no idea how this is for you and B but I pray for a double.portion of peace too. God bless incredible man. An inspiration to us fellow bloggers
ReplyDeleteLoretta, thank you so much for the prayers...and yes, the hope is, and ultimately must be, in the world to come. Hope can only grow through the infinite.
DeleteAnd thank you so much for your kind and loving thoughts!
For what it's worth, I also have a DNR and living will, and they can't force a feeding tube on you if that's not your wish. That aside, you're in my thoughts and prayers. Praying for the Lord's mercy and grace, and that He would hold you close and comfort you, and gently blow away the fear, and replace it with is peace that surpasses understanding. Praying that He would touch you where you most need His touch today, and reveal Himself to you in a special, personal way that assures you He is right there with you as you travel through this dark valley. Prayers for a double portion of peace and comfort for Barb as well. How is the hydroplane coming along? Have you finished it?
ReplyDeleteGrams, thank you for this...I didn't quite know if the Living Will covere a feeding tube (though I should have), and you have brought reassurance.
DeleteAnd thank you so much or your prayers. They mean the world.
No further work on the hyrdro; I've just been too ill. But I won't quit.
It's a crazy time, getting crazier every day. But God is not done with the world, or you, for that matter. We are not alone. "Dear God, give Andrew strength, touch his body, help him every minute of every hour. He needs you. Amen." Thank you Andrew for being courageous.
ReplyDeleteMy dear Norma, thank you so much for the prayers, and for the support. These are indeed wild times; I will stay the course.
DeletePraying continually for you friend!
ReplyDeleteTara, thank you so much for the support and prayers!
Deleteyour poem sent a chill down my spine. I"ll be thinking on it, and you, for a bit yet. Continue to go well Andrew.
ReplyDeleteAnnette, thank you...that the poem sent chills down your spine is high praise indeed!
DeletePraying for you brother for peace and comfort.
ReplyDeleteDuane, thank you so much for your prayers. You're appreciated, brother.
DeleteI think there's a special place in heaven for souls who suffer like you've suffered and suffered for so long, Andrew! You certainly have a fighting spirit, even if this cancer rebels and fights against you each day.
ReplyDeletePraying for you, my friend! I've been away on vacation, so I've been a bit distracted, but you are always in my thoughts and prayers!
Beth, thank you so much for this. I hope your vacay was terrif!
DeleteI won't quit till the last bell.
Andrew, you ask the questions on so many of our hearts. The only thing I know is that God is in control, even when we can't see how He's working. If we could see the joy and dread around each bend, it would mislead us and instill false perceptions. i am praying for you and Barb, my friend.
ReplyDeleteYour poem says so much. And I love, LOVE your conclusion about why the world is round. It's so true.
Jeanne, thank you for this, and for your prayers.
DeleteTruly, it's God who is in control, and His ways are not ours. We just have to trust.
Marie, I often go back to your oler posts or encouragement and hope. Your words continue to inspire, always.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your prayers!