Your Dying Spouse 506 - Play The Man {FMF}

"Play the man, Master Ridley; we shall this day light such a candle, by God's grace, in England, as I trust shall never be put out."

Hugh Latimer (c. 1470 – 16 October 1555 )

Hugh Latimer was the Bishop of Worcester and Church of England chaplain to King Edward VI. He was burned to death with his friend Nicholas Ridley, by order of Queen Mary, on October 15, 1555.

Play the man.

Unbelievably, the pain gets worse...pancreas and lungs and lymph nodes, and oh, my right femur (with the metastasis) now has a break in it, so I have to use a staff to walk...and it attacks in different ways, so there's no getting used to it, no anticipating an enemy who is both resourceful and relentless.

I'm way past chest-thumping "I will prevail!" boastfulness, past the motivational slogans, past the inspiring books and films that gave me path and paradigm.

And even Scripture is fading..."My God, why hast thou forsaken Me?"

Lost and alone on this burning desert of loneliness, feeling sometimes bereft of hope...

I pretend.

I pretend that I'm happy, that there are no tears of anger and fear, that I don't resent what's happening, that it is bearable and that I find purpose in this dark passage.

I pretend that I'm strong.

And a funny thing happens.

Make-believe becomes real.

I'm happy, and I'm neither angry nor resentful nor afraid.

It's bearable, and I do find the fulfillment of my life, my true purpose, here.

And I'm strong.

A child's game, and it's saving my sanity and my soul. It takes a child to be a man.

But then, didn't Jesus say that we could only enter heaven as little children?

Here's a blast from the past, Blues Image with Ride Captain Ride. Enjoy!

Please pardon my slow response to comments. I do my best, and your comments are really precious to me. Barb is answering many of them now. I'm running on fumes, if you don't mind a macho metaphor.

I'm grateful for the energy to have written this. I'm so glad Barbara's stepped in for many of my posts. I'm really not doing well at all.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.