The last week has brought a tidal wave of pain, and my hands are shaking as I write this. I can barely move. Each step, and I'm impaling myself further and deeper, onto the spear.
Rationally, I can see the abyss opening at my feet, pulling me in.
And then I remember the signature line from that fine film Rogue One: A Star Wars Story.
"Rebellions are built on hope."
So is survival.
Somehow, I'm going to find a way through this.
Somehow, I'm going to keep going.
Somehow, my story doesn't end here.
And somehow, I'm going to find the energy and the fortitude...and the words...to write one more book, to say that there is a way back from despair, that the intention to live with the joy and care of love and responsibility will carry the day.
That living for others will bring one out onto the broad sunlit uplands, and that no enemy, not even cancer, can stand against the incandescent brightness of the complete giving of oneself.
I don't know how. Not yet.
But somehow, I'll learn how to say these things.
Somehow, I'll find the words, and the frame in which they can live.
And somehow, I'll last long enough to get that message out, to fly that bright banner from the depths of hell.
Because hell won't win.
Not if we stand together.
Not if we won't let it. (The Five Minute Friday prompt this week is if.)
What better music for this than Journey, with Don't Stop Believin'?
Please pardon my slow response to comments. I do my best, and your comments are really precious to me. Barb is answering many of them now. I'm running on fumes, if you don't mind a macho metaphor.
I'm grateful for the energy to have written this. I'm so glad Barbara's stepped in for many of my posts. I'm really not doing well at all.
Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.
Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.
Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.
WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!
And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.
If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.
Dear Andrew...if I had even the littlest bit of strength and faith and whatever...that you do!!! You are so brave and persistent and hanging on for everyone around you...including those all around the blogging world that draw inspiration and strength from your words. God loves you and knows what you have left to do; and He will give you the strength to get it done...somehow! With HIS help! Thank you for your words! Hugs! And prayers, always!
ReplyDeleteBarbara, I am so very honoured by these words...all I can say is Thank You!
DeleteAnd the hugs and prayers are very appreciated, and needed.
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DeleteYou are always in my prayers, Andrew. I am so sorry the pain is so bad. I cannot give any encouraging words. The Lord has this. Your #FMF neighbor at #4
ReplyDeleteMaryann, you actually did give me very encouraging words...the best...when you said, "You are always in my prayers..."
DeleteThe power of prayer is the greatest we can access, and I am so grateful!
You have a powerful message of hope to share, Andrew! Thank you for consistently making the effort to do that even in the midst of your pain. And no, hell won't win. That has already been decided. Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteLesley, you're absolutely right. Hell's already out of the game! Your prayers are very appreciated!
DeleteAndrew, may you see you already have. You have been writing the story. You have been sharing the message of hope and fortitude right here, brother! May you know that both you and Barn are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteJoanne, thank you for this! I hadn't really seen that, but you've given me another perspective. We're so grateful for your prayers.
DeleteContinuing to pray for you and Barb in the midst of the pain. I think your book is already written in these series of blog posts. They inspire and bring hope to all who read them.
ReplyDeleteDebbie, thanks so much...I hadn't really thought of the posts becoming the book. But they can! And e really appreciate your prayers.
DeleteThank you for your message of hope, for continuing to reach out toward others instead of withdrawing into yourself. You are touching our lives and leaving us better than we were before.
ReplyDeleteAngela, I'm so grateful for this lovely comment...you made my evening!
DeleteHello Andrew and Barb. Thank you for being you.
ReplyDeleteAnd thank YOU, Paula, for your care, compassion, love and prayers. We appreciate you.
DeleteAndrew, you could combine a lot of your previous posts into a book. Whatever you write is sure to be good.
ReplyDeleteJan, thank you...that's how it's going to happen, if I can muster the energy.
Delete:-)
DeleteAndrew, I have not been active with FMF for awhile, but yesterday as I was thinking about it you came to mind. Praying for you as you push through and live as you die. What a paradox you are in. Thanking God He thrives in paradoxes.
ReplyDeleteLeah, it's so good to see you again! God does indeed thrive in the paradox...and I am so grateful for your thoughts and prayers.
DeleteIn the somehow of everything there is always hope. Hope lives because God is hope. He gives us the somehow to reach for that hope.
ReplyDeleteWhatever your day is like today, Jerry and I are lifting you high to the Lord, and praying you somehow feel that hope wrap around you to give you comfort in whatever way is needed.
And whatever you end up writing, we know it will be great!
Hugs and blessings!
Diana, He is indeed Hope. Yes!
DeleteThe prayers are truly, deeply appreciated. Today as physically horrible, but I am cheerful and in good spirits. Tomorrow may be worse, but my heart will be better still.
Praise God you're still here. Thankful your voice is still heard far and wide. Glad you're hanging in there. You keep us in suspense! Hope your weekend is better.
ReplyDeleteMy dear Norma, thank you so much...and I'm glad to still be here. Hurts a lot, but I'm nonetheless glad.
Delete"Because hell won't win." Amen! We all need to remember this. Praying for peace and strength for you.
ReplyDeleteBethany, thank you, and especially for the prayers.
DeleteAll the emotions are just swirling, and swirling... Don't give up hope. Without the hope, it's the end. Isn't that the only thing that makes sense, in a situation where nothing is at all fair or makes any sense at all? (Also... thank you for your VERY amazingly kind and generous comment on my blog this morning...) Sending so many prayers up, for you...
ReplyDeleteMisty, no worries...I'll never give up. Partially by nature, but also by very, VERY expensive training (for which I did not have to write the cheques).
DeleteIt may not be fair, may not make sense, but those are just the parameters of the game.
I so appreciate your prayers...and think you are a truly awesome writer.
"That living for others will bring one out onto the broad sunlit uplands, and that no enemy, not even cancer, can stand against the incandescent brightness of the complete giving of oneself." Oh, Andrew, you are a living example of this and so is Barb! Once more your words have brought light and hope. You are a fighter and God's strength surely comes through your weakness to inspire us all. Blessings and love to you!
ReplyDeleteGayl, we're so grateful for your loving, grace-filled words...truly! Love and blessings back, from both of us!
DeletePraying for you Andrew, I'm not seeing the male metaphor. I often run on holy spirit fumes...Journey was my first concert well paid for, and your number 1 fmf linkup running strong now.
ReplyDeleteNancy, running on Holy Spirit fumes is perfect! That''s one to put up on the refrigerator.
DeleteThank you so much for the prayers, and I'm glad we share a love for Journey!
Andrew, your words always inspire. I'm so sorry you are experiencing so much pain but I know you will conquer in the end.
ReplyDeleteJeannie, thank you so much...this weekend the whole thing has been awfully discouraging, the pain, I mean, both in character and severity.
DeleteBut tomorrow is another day.
andrew, blessings to you as you pass through the valley of the shadow of death...literally. fortunately the Shepherd is with you to comfort and care for you...and barbara.
ReplyDeleteMartha, going through that valley with The Shepherd...it's kind of cool, sometimes. I feel safe.
DeleteYou might have three of my comments show up in a row here after a bit -- technology. But in any case, I'm trying to comment about the incandescent brightness of Christ's complete giving of himself for us, against which neither cancer nor hell itself can stand. In which we have the victory. Thanks for the reminder!
ReplyDeletehttp://betweenbluerocks.wordpress.com
Stacy, thank you for this...and no worries, only one of the comments showed up. But I truly appreciate the effort!
DeleteYeah, Blogger's weird. But I like the colour scheme.
Hell lost a long time ago! You got that right! No ifs about it! Praying for you Andrew! #58 a poem.
ReplyDeleteMary, thank you so much for this, and especially for the prayers. I will be over to your place shortly.
DeleteHugs, blessings and prayers to you! May God's will be fulfilled in your life.
ReplyDeleteLeigh, thank you so much...the hugs and prayers are really appreciated.
DeleteAnd I'm really good with God's Will. No question!
Yeah, don't stop believing. Let Jesus carry you, bask in God's grace, brother. May healing grace surround you, now and forever. Praying for you and yours!
ReplyDeleteMari-Anna, thank you so much for this...and the healing grace is here; it's healed my heart.
DeleteWe so appreciate your prayers!
You're one kick A dude. It's not a good Christian example to swear, so notice I didn't. Jesus Christ died to pay for your sin. You've accepted his free gift of salvation by believing, faith. Do after this, heaven. That's certainly, more than we can even imagine!, a win.
ReplyDelete*So* after this, heaven.
DeleteDude, I have a feelinging Jesus was down with people cussing; look who He hung with! I've worked construction, and what might be called 'bill collection' (like Matthew), and the language often disguised (and sometimes illuminated) a real yearning for God.
DeleteIt can be a lot easier to bring a gangsta to Jesus than those who would look down on him.
And yes, after this, Heaven.
Thank you so much for stopping by!
Oh, I love that line from Star Wars! You're a rebel and you never give up hope. Thank you! We for sure stand together – I am always amazed about the strength and encouragement of this community even though most of us have never seen each other.
ReplyDeleteKatha, this community is a huge part of what keeps me going. Where two or more are gathered in His name...
Delete...cool stuff happens, yeah?
Marie, you did indeed make me smile...and you're SO right!
ReplyDelete