Your Dying Spouse 490 - The Power Of Somehow {FMF}

It's bad.

The last week has brought a tidal wave of pain, and my hands are shaking as I write this. I can barely move. Each step, and I'm impaling myself further and deeper, onto the spear.

Rationally, I can see the abyss opening at my feet, pulling me in.

And then I remember the signature line from that fine film Rogue One: A Star Wars Story.

"Rebellions are built on hope."

So is survival.

Somehow, I'm going to find a way through this.

Somehow, I'm going to keep going.

Somehow, my story doesn't end here.

And somehow, I'm going to find the energy and the fortitude...and the words...to write one more book, to say that there is a way back from despair, that the intention to live with the joy and care of love and responsibility will carry the day.

That living for others will bring one out onto the broad sunlit uplands, and that no enemy, not even cancer, can stand against the incandescent brightness of the complete giving of oneself.

I don't know how. Not yet.

But somehow, I'll learn how to say these things.

Somehow, I'll find the words, and the frame in which they can live.

And somehow, I'll last long enough to get that message out, to fly that bright banner from the depths of hell.

Because hell won't win.

Not if we stand together.

Not if we won't let it. (The Five Minute Friday prompt this week is if.)

What better music for this than Journey, with Don't Stop Believin'?

Please pardon my slow response to comments. I do my best, and your comments are really precious to me. Barb is answering many of them now. I'm running on fumes, if you don't mind a macho metaphor.

I'm grateful for the energy to have written this. I'm so glad Barbara's stepped in for many of my posts. I'm really not doing well at all.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.

WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.

Your Dying Spouse 489 - Yellow Submarine

Pain is beyond dealing with; I can see where it can be beyond survival.

Spending the night screaming (literally) for relief, any kind of relief...would someone please get me out of here!

Morale is good, but the physical fabric is giving way, and I can't stop it.

Get me out of here!

No one's coming, and the pain's ripping further, further...

I'd rather be elsewhere.

So, courtesy the Fab Four, let's take a trip in a Yellow Submarine.

I'll meet you at the dock.

Please pardon my slow response to comments. I do my best, and your comments are really precious to me. Barb is answering many of them now. I'm running on fumes, if you don't mind a macho metaphor.

I'm grateful for the energy to have written this. I'm so glad Barbara's stepped in for many of my posts. I'm really not doing well at all.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.

WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.

Your Dying Spouse 488 - Arrow To The Future {FMF}

I'm ready to go.

I'm ready to die.

My body's breaking up fast now, new pain, and worse. And I'm so very, very tired.

It's in the bones and the lymph nodes and the lungs now. Oh, darn.

And from a truly dreadful pain event last weekend, my head's been recalibrated; I'm not really myself at the moment. Trying to navigate a life that's only half-remembered on the other side of Hell, that's hard.

However.

I still have a hand-hold in tomorrow, and I intend to use that to pull myself forward.

There is Barbara, whom I can support in her diligent, dedicated work. I don't understand much of what she does (she's an accountant, for Pete's sake, and who understands that?), but she deals with people, and people I sort of understand. I can offer prayers and find Scripture that bolster her compassion and professionalism in bringing out their best. She's a supervisor, with the emphasis on Super.

There are the dogs, who have carried me so far, and whom I can support in love.

There are friends whom I can encourage, like Jeanne Takenaka, who writes a terrifically inspiring blog, and whose fiction will one day leave a bright meteor-trail in the Kingdom of God on Earth.

And Carol Ashby, whose historical Roman fiction, the Light In The Empire series, brings the Light of God's Love to illuminate dark old days.

Being ready to die doesn't mean giving up.

It means that I'm finally ready to live.

Music from Switchfoot, with Who We Are.

Please pardon my slow response to comments. I do my best, and your comments are really precious to me. Barb is answering many of them now. I'm running on fumes, if you don't mind a macho metaphor.

I'm grateful for the energy to have written this. I'm so glad Barbara's stepped in for many of my posts. I'm really not doing well at all.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.

WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.

Your Dying Spouse 487 - At Peace

Pain in new places, more cutting and severe.

Sylvia and Ladron, the chief service dogs, finish my meals.

And the fatigue is crushing. So much I want to do, and can't.

I am at peace with this.

I will be leaving before too long, going home. But I have been, and am doing, the very best that I can.

Music from Johnny Mathis, with Coming Home.

Please pardon my slow response to comments. I do my best, and your comments are really precious to me. Barb is answering many of them now. I'm running on fumes, if you don't mind a macho metaphor.

I'm grateful for the energy to have written this. I'm so glad Barbara's stepped in for many of my posts. I'm really not doing well at all.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.

WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.

Your Dying Spouse 486 - Both Sides Now

After a truly brutal weekend, we have no words, so we leave you with Judy Collins, and Both Sides Now.

And may we ask your prayers? This isn't survivable, but we can only ask for courage in the hard days.

Please pardon my slow response to comments. I do my best, and your comments are really precious to me. Barb is answering many of them now. I'm running on fumes, if you don't mind a macho metaphor.

I'm grateful for the energy to have written this. I'm so glad Barbara's stepped in for many of my posts. I'm really not doing well at all.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.

WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.