Your Dying Spouse 315 - Victory {FMF}

I don't have to play the lottery. I've already won.

Every step I take, every time I rise, every push forward against that solid wall of pain, and through the putrid mud of despair, is a stick in Satan's eye.

We're with Five Minute Friday, and I wrote this ahead of time...if I can, I will work in the keyword when it's revealed.)

(The word is VISIT. It's down there.)

It took me awhile to realize this; So much has felt like defeat, or, at best, a call to brittle and hopeless bravado in the face of hopeless odds.

But it just depends on how you look at it. Sure, my career is ruined, and I doubt I'll ever finish my writing projects, much less have the energy to even make them available of Kindle. Trying to find an agent is so far out of view now...and it would be unfair to any agent who thought to take a chance on me, if lightning struck. Can't pursue hobbies even to a small degree any more, and even reading is getting tough. I re-read a lot, because it's like visiting with an old friend, and things come back to me, and I can keep continuity.

All this is true. But look at the opportunities I have! I can set myself a challenge with every moment, to get to my feet without my legs buckling.

I can do a load of laundry, and even though the effort leaves me gasping (and it takes forever to load and unload the washer ad dryer), I can see how far I can push myself, bracing shaking knees and a spear-struck midsection to finish the task.

I can contemplate God's goodness in allowing me to see the triumphs here. And these are not small victories. Me-then would not have been up to the challenge.

As I have weakened, my strength has grown.

As hope fades, I am brim-full of hope, without a drop of despair slipping from the mug.

I can step out under the open sky, under the bright blue vault of the burning day or the velvet star-crowded night, and raise my arms in gratitude for this place, God's Own hospice for me. Every "Thank You!" I send up is a win.

My body is wracked by pain and nausea, but my heart leaps, and I can taste God's manna, the blessings of friends and family and love and laughter with which He's surrounded me.

As the prospect of future years dims, the brightness of the moment is so intense that I've gotta wear shades.

Death visits, but Life has come to stay.

Victory is sweet, and I savour it every hour, and every moment.

The musical theme is from the recent film "The Walk", about Philippe Petit's high-wire walk between the towers of the World Trade Center in 1974.

Still hoping to get the new and improved version of Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart up and running in the near future. Just haven't had the energy to do it yet...but if you would like to read it, please say so in your comment and I'd be glad to send you a PDF (which should fit your Kindle).

I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.

WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.