Your Dying Spouse 306 - But I Still Trust God {FMF}

Five Minute Friday again, and again I have to write in advance of the keyword reveal. But I will try to work it in when it's available. I just don't have the dependable energy to do this otherwise. *The word is SHOULD, and it's in there somewhere.)

And things are getting worse, and harder. Adapt to one level of pain, and another appears. Make allowances for fatigue, and then you have to make allowances on top of those allowances.

I believe the scientific term is circling the drain.

Yes, I've heard the advice. "Curse God and die!"I've heard this from devout Christians who are sick of watching someone of whom they are fond fighting a losing battle.

But I don't think I'll curse Him, and I don't plan on dying anytime soon.

I plan on trusting Him even more.

Item - in 2005, Barbara was in a spectacular rollover accident that left the cab of her beloved Dodge pickup crushed...except for a dome-shaped spot where her head was. (Yes, I'm aware of the alternative explanation that her hard head was the immovable object.)

Item - in December of 2016, Barb was run off the highway, and the ensuing off-road trip (in a Chevrolet Cobalt) trashed the front suspension and brakes, to the tune of $700...which was the amount of the Christmas bonus she had just received.

Item - last week Barb was having trouble with the Cobalt's clutch, and when she took it to the shop the mechanic was aghast, and did not know how she had managed to keep driving the thing. The clutch was shot...another $700. No Christmas bonus, but the timing of the calendar and her pay periods ensures that occasionally she gets back-to-back cheques without the mortgage having to come out of one...and this $700 came out the day after she had received the second non-mortgage paycheque. The timing could not have been better.

But this isn't why I trust God. It is cool, though.

I trust Him because of what I find in my own heart; as the days get harder an the dreams and hopes fade,I find something there, a voice that's not my own.

It's a voice that says, be your best.

It's not something the 'natural' me wants; I'm very, very tired, and in more pain, all the time, than I thought I could ever stand. I don't want to be my best, and what's the point? It's too much work!

The point is that we hold Christ's love in trust. He gave His Blood, His Sacrifice to us, trusting that we would live His example, and extend the grace that He has made our birthright...if we accept it.

But the problem is that it's too heavy for us to bear, individually. We have to share it, pass it around, and not hold it to ourselves.

We have to give grace away in the trust that there is enough for us.

And the only way we can do that is to be our best. The ultimate achievement becomes the ultimate surrender becomes the ultimate trust.

And yes, it's hard. Most days I am like a child being taught penmanship, my hand being guided by One that is larger and infinitely patient, turning my shaky scrawls into coherent copperplate.

Other days I'm worse; a whiny kick-over-the-toybox kid who has to do it all himself. And I don't want this to be happening anyway! It' not fair!

The best I can be is only reachable by accepting that help...by trusting that Hand.

And in that trust, I find victory in surrender...I win as I lose.

I should have known...

So, now, over to ABBA, and a song that explains this theological point perfectly...and what a beat!

A bit of news..."Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart" has come home! Tate Publishing has gone south, and I regained the rights, so it'll soon be available in both Kindle hardcopy versions once again. In the meantime, if you absolutely can't wait (!), you can still get used copies from Amazon.

I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.

WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.