Your Dying Spouse 282 - For Love's Sake {FMF}

We're back with Kate Motaung and Five Minute Friday, the writing flashmob working from a time-limited keyword. Please drop by for some really great faith-filled and excellent writing!

I've written this ahead of time to try to document what has been a heartbreaking week, and I'll try to work in the word when it's revealed. (It's ABANDON.)

When Barbara is at work, we communicate by email at lunch, to check in. (As I've mentioned, talking is hard for me now, so a phone's of little use.)

Anyway, the other day she asked me how I was doing, and this was my reply:

"Pancreas and tooth are giving me a bit of trouble but I take a certain
pride in my infirmities and pain, knowing that they are given me to
glorify the Lord and to bear steadfast witness to His Love and Mercy.
He is my rock, my deliverer, and my comforter. He is my Friend.

"So I am OK."

She said that was worth publishing, so here it is.

This is my heart and faith written to a God-sized canvas.

But it can be written smaller, from the macro to the micro.

We lost one of the dogs this week; Dukee, a very large and lovable Pit, everyone's friend. In the morning he was right as rain, playful and waiting for breakfast, but when I brought him his food he had suffered a heart attack, and shortly after noon, he died in my arms.

This hurt; Dukee was my go-to pal for hugs when the pain got scary, or the PTSD memories became too much to bear. He was calm and loving, and never shied away from a hard hug, and never turned his face from my tears.

He wouldn't abandon me in my despair. Ever.

He was my heart's security, though I didn't fully realize it.

When he died I felt that my heart had been torn in half. I wanted to just stop. The sun had gone in, and it seemed a long night was beginning. The thought of moving forward, writing, and continuing my life, leaving this sturdy cherished memory diminishing in the past, seemed the worst of disloyalties.

I wanted to quit, and to stay in the valley of the shadow.

But what kind of legacy would that have been for him? What kind of honour would it be to take his example and use its loss as an excuse for my own self-destruction?

No.

The only way to honour love is to carry the memory of it within us as we move forward, and to let the sparkle and joy infuse, all the more, every waking moment.

Only love hoarded is truly lost.

And so we go on as we have to go on, our hearts broken by circumstance, and sutured back together by love.

A bit of news..."Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart" has come home! Tate Publishing has gone south, and I regained the rights, so it'll soon be available in both Kindle hardcopy versions once again. In the meantime, if you absolutely can't wait (!), you can still get used copies from Amazon.

I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.

WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.