It's all a matter of stress hormones and stuff like that.
Whatever. I don't want Barbara to go through that.
Death is a part of life. I've buried friends. Too many, but you don't always get what you want in this life. I've learned that life does indeed go on.
And I want life to go on for Barbara, after I am dead. I want her to have joy and bright days and feelings of satisfaction and accomplishment that are unshadowed.
And above all, to feel God's grace.
Sure, she'll mourn. That's to be expected. But mourning has to have an end.
God did not intend for us to be crushed by sorrow, or worse, the sentimentality that turns the transition from this life to the eternal one into a kind of tragedy.
I'm not saying she should say, "Whoop-te-do, he's in heaven!" That's silly; it's a childish theology.
After all, Jesus wept at the death of Lazarus.
But I earnestly pray that my wife will be held by God in her grief, and that like a rainshower, the grief may move on.
And like that rain, that it, and my life, may water the soil of her future, bringing out new green shoots of hope.
(Please pardon the brevity of this post. I have the flu. We're linked with Kate Motaung's special post on 'Best Books Of 2016', but I can't for the life of me remember what I read.)
I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.
Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.
WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!
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I totally understand what you are saying. However, I worked in a couple of nursing homes and in the hospital during my career as a nurse. I have seen husbands die and a few short days (sometimes even just hours) when the wife will follow him to heaven. And vice versa. So I truly believe people can die from a broken heart. I also know that our time on this earth is up to God. He will take us home when he is ready. God Bless you Andrew and I hope the flu passes quickly!!
ReplyDeletePaula, I sure believe it too...I've seen people just give up. I jut don't want Barbara to go that way. She has so much to give!
DeleteBut yeah, when God calls time, it's REALLY time.
Thanks so much for being here!
Thanks for sharing so candidly. I hope my husband enjoys a full and rewarding life, too, if I go before him. Also praying you recover soon from the flu. (visiting from the linkup #25).
ReplyDeleteTanya, thank you so much! I truly appreciate your comment, and your presence here today.
DeleteAnd I am really grateful for the prayers. It is a nasty version of the flu.
May the flu leave your body and your home quickly, friend. And may this coming new year find you anticipating more profitable writing as you share your wisdom with us all ...
ReplyDeleteLinda, thank you so much!Still dealing with the flu but it will pass, and we wish you and yours a wonderful transition into 2017!
DeleteHope you get over the flu soon, Andrew. Your words here are so meaningful. I love how you don't gloss over the grief, but understand that grief is necessary. I also love how you want Barbara to continue with her life and to be able to move forward taking with her all she has learned and the love she will remember. Blessings to you both! Happy Birthday to you, Andrew!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Gayl. It's a bad flu bug, but it'll be over one day. I so appreciate the grace and kindness in your words!
DeleteBlessings, Gayl, and many thanks for the birthday wishes!
Yes, Andrew, a person CAN die from a broken heart...and you show such love and grace to your precious Barbara in thinking to the future for her, and giving her permission. I've not grieved for a spouse, though I have been divorced once and that's kind of like losing a relationship or spouse. Will I go on after my husband is gone? I sure hope so because there is much in the future for us. Your words always open my heart and my eyes to my surroundings and to what I can and should be focusing on. This evening, as he was flipping channels, he stayed on a country music channel and we sat their reminiscing and listening to the music of his younger days (and mine, as I grew up with my parents listening to it)...it's one of those times when he wasn't being ugly to me; when we could actually remember together even though he wasn't really aware of what was happening.
ReplyDeleteThank you as always; and continuing prayers and hugs and following...you are a blessing to me and to many!
Barbara, thank you for sharing that experience of listening to country music together. I hope and pray that you have more moments like that.
DeleteI've been divorced too, and yes, it's a terrific loss...to the degree that I swallowed my considerable pride and arrogance, and started courting barbara all over again...for it was she whom I divorced!
Prayers are so appreciated...and prayers for you and hugs back!
Well, Andrew, you just shared a bit more of you and Barb's relationship!! I am so glad you swallowed your pride and arrogance and courted her again!! You seem to be so...well, suited together!!! HUGS!!
DeleteGrief support groups can be a big help. Are there any in your area?
ReplyDeleteJan, there are some good support groups here. Barbara has to carve out time to get more acquainted with them, though because she's got a lot of new responsibilities at work (which is in itself a good anodyne).
DeleteHope you are having a wonderful New Year's Eve!
I'm completely with you in understanding on this post! My daughter-in-law and three grandkids have struggled immensely since my oldest son's death three years ago. Our family's hearts were "extra" broken as it was a traumatic workplace death and how it happened... no preparation such as when there is time to say good-byes during a terminal illness. I firmly believe that had my daughter-in-law not accepted Christ into her heart just six short months before Jeff's death, we would have lost her, also. I've spent most of my time the past three years on my knees before God asking Him to heal her and the grandkids' broken hearts, to give them peace and comfort... it's finally beginning to show that prayers are slowly being answered. Yes, death brings a different type of broken heart to those who are so bound by love... but when there is God, there can be healing. I've no doubt that through your care and love and God's grace, Barbara will make it through should that time ever come. :) Praying for the illness to vamoose from you and your home! Blessings to you and Barbara for the new year!
ReplyDeleteDiana, first please allow me to say that I'm so very sorry for your loss. Not being able to say goodbye is terrible, and magnified when it is one's child.
DeleteIt's so wonderful that your daughter-in-law accepted Christ in time. The road is no less hard, but there is a light at the end of it, when it's walked with one's Friend and Saviour.
I'm so grateful to you for sharing this, and very much appreciate your prayers.
We'll be praying for you and your family. God bless, Diana.
I suppose I don't agree that grief has an end in this life. That doesn't come until the next. Grief isn't something you get over; it just changes with time. I've been told that grief is love with no where to go. We don't ever stop loving those we've lost, therefore we don't ever stop grieving. But it comes in waves. And like this chart that Sheila Wray Gregoire, the waves become less intense and shorter lived with the passing of time, but they still come. And that's okay. Obviously, if you get stuck drowning in the grief, it may be time to seek a support group or a counselor who can help you move forward, but I don't think moving forward means you move on. The healing process begins now and we should earnestly seek it, but it will not be complete in this lifetime. Healing (from grief or any sorrow) is a direction, not a destination.
ReplyDeletehttp://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2015/07/grief-process-you-dont-just-get-over-it/
Karen, thank you for this; you said it beautifully, and you are of course right.
DeleteRichard Bach, in his first book "Stranger To The Ground", described losing Air Force comrades as "bright sparkles of pain that never quite disappear."
Thank you so much for being here and contributing to the conversation!
Yes, that's true. I've read it too. I hope things would get better with you this year, dear.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Lux!
DeleteI wish you the very best in 2017, my friend.
Hi Andrew. Insightful post... and it got me thinking about if God calls me home first before my husband or children. I have the same attitude as you. I want them to not only survive, but thrive after I'm gone. I want them to cling close to God, to find hope in Jesus, and to make an impact in this world with joy and love. Thanks for this perspective, Andrew. I always enjoy your writing. Bless you, brother!
ReplyDeleteJulie, thank you so much! I love the way you put this, so centered around Christ!
DeleteI really appreciate your being here, and hope that 2017 started well for you and yours!