First and foremost...Strawberry is learning to play. It's heartwarming, and because she's still completely uncoordinated, hilarious. She is also learning to sing, with an absurdly high voice.
This week's word is LOSE.
I don't like to lose. As in I really hate to lose.
And so, I don't plan to. Things are getting worse - and today I had rather a bad fall - but there is a plan.
(Over to Barb..."You have a plan? Mr. I Wanna Be Spontaneous If It Kills Me?" Yes, dear, and if you roll your eyes like that they'll get stuck and you'll look like a zombie.)
Where was I?
Ah. The plan.
It involves giving myself Hooks To The Future.
See, if I have enough to look forward to, I'll be more likely to keep fighting when I do stupid things like...well, stop breathing. As I did on Monday.
Lay down on the floor because I was about to pass out, and suddenly I could not take a breath. It was like drowning. Couldn't call out, but I did beat on the floor with my hands...well, you would, too...and Syl and Ladron came running. I grabbed Syl's collar and she pulled me upright while Ladron pushed from behind. And I could breathe. Kind of. It hurt. Still does.
But I want to live, and I set small goals to tomorrows...like seeing the next Star Trek movie.
Seeing Strawberry grow up.
Reading books I have been saving.
And yes, getting well enough to work on the aeroplane again for at least a little while each day.
Not losing means finding an excuse to win. Any excuse.
It means overlooking things that are demeaning, like puking and incontinence. Those are passing things, really. (Did I just say passing? Forgive me!)
And it means flogging myself to the point where my dear wife simply can't bear to look.
But seriously, if you win ugly, it's still a win.
And there is only winning. "I'll do my best" is an excuse for losing.
Game on.
If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.
THIS: "Not losing means finding an excuse to win. Any excuse." Yes! So glad you're still here. Let's keep fighting! Im not always good at that and you are teaching me how to keep fighting, I'm in the #3 spot this week.
ReplyDeleteTara, thank you...and I think you are indeed a fighter. You pick me up when my spirit flags.
DeleteThank you so much for being here!
Wow Andrew, full on! But I love your goals and your tenacity despite life throwing so many curve balls at you... Such a reminder for me to live in the moment more and appreciate the health which I know I take for granted far too often. Thank you for writing. (#10 this week)
ReplyDeleteThank YOU, Emma...I always find a lot to love in what you write, and in your comments.
DeleteI was kind of lucky - in my previous life I has daily face-to-face with the knowledge that now is all I have. I didn't know anyone who died of natural causes until I was in my forties!
Thanks so much for commenting. I truly value your contribution here today.
WOW! Keep fighting. Perhaps God created you to HATE to lose so you would fight so hard now? Praying for you, and thanks for writing!
ReplyDeleteTammy, thanks so much...and yeah, I think God did make me that way. Not everyone around me sees it that way. They think I'm nuts.
DeleteBut I'm working with what the Good Lord gave me, and I won't give in.
So glad you're here!
Fantabulous write-up Andrew. I'm with @Tara Ulrich:
ReplyDelete"Not losing means finding an excuse to win. Any excuse."
I'm in agreement!
You can see my post here:
https://awifesreflections.wordpress.com at 4:00 am pdt
Kimberly, thank you so much...and I truly appreciate your being here.
DeleteGoing to your site now!
I like your thought here. I like your motivation.
ReplyDeleteKeep on keeping on, friend.
Ifeoma, thank you so much. Your words always mean more to me than you may know - you have such wisdom, and you're such an inspiration!
DeleteKeeping on keeping on. No fear.
How on earth could I ever be justified in saying, "I just can't do it." Andrew, you are a crazy rock star of a Merc. Love you friend...my hubs and I were talking about you the other day!!! xo
ReplyDeleteSo THAT is why my ears were burning! And I thought it was just another welding mishap. (Haven't done any welding in a while. Service dogs won't allow it.)
DeleteI so appreciate your words, Susan. More than you may know.
You're a winner alright ...
ReplyDeleteKeep on, keep on!
No fear, Linda.
DeleteDucemus - We Lead!
i like it andrew:) and to follow the metaphor...in Christ, you have already won. that is even better news! you won't win the earthly battle with death. it WILL get you. but with Christ, whether here or there, you will win! it is a sure victory over sin and death..pain and evil. it isn't pie in the sky. it is something to hang onto especially at times like this. blessings brother. whenever it happens for both of us, i hope to see you on the other side:) (and yes, you did say passing...and i so got it! )oh my!
ReplyDeleteMartha, yeah...passing...glad you got it and were not appalled!
DeleteWhat Jesus offers is definitely not pie-in-the-sky...but...since I can';t stomach apple pie any more He had BETTER have some ready!
Thank you so mich for being here with me this week!
" if you win ugly, it's still a win." Yes. Ugly is still a win. And fighting is still being in the game.
ReplyDeleteI love your humor and your fight. Most days, I don't have to struggle with puke or incontinence, but I have less humor and fight in me in the minutiae than I ought. Not breathing is no small matter, yet you face it with a fierceness of not-going-to-lose-today. I find that spirit inspiring.
Cheryl, thank you so much for your thoughts and words. Getting to a point where I can laugh at this stuff has been hard (and it's a don't-try-this-at-home evolution) but it's really accessible to all. Through faith, yes, but also through comparison.
DeleteYeah, I'm incontinent (I really HATE to say that) and I throw up about seven-ten times a day...but right now no one is shooting at me, and no one wants to kill my family because they go to the wrong church.
So, yes...it's possible to laugh at the extra laundry loads...and at throwing up on the service dogs (though they might not agree, because they get baths afterwards).
\\
Thank you so very much for being here. I truly appreciate your coming to visit.
What a great post, Andrew...and like Tara, this says a lot: "Not losing means finding an excuse to win. Any excuse." And, sharing your...should I call it "Bucket List"??? No, I tend to like to call it something different...like "Things I'd like to do..."; and they are so much more meaningful than listing out all the grand places I'd want to visit before leaving this space.
ReplyDeleteSo good to read that you are reaching for those things that will give you things to look forward to. We all need that, whether in your circumstances or not.
Thanks as always for sharing!! Prayers and Hugs and still with you and Barb, my friends!
Barbara, thank you so much! It's not really a Bucket List, because "ah ain't a'fixin ta leave'. I'm going to win this one.
DeleteBut for Bucket Lists, the way I feel is this...if the life you have right now doesn't look like your Bucket List, something's wrong.
Mine does. It really does, even considering the limitations, because I've learned, at last, to live in the Now.
Thank you so much for the prayers, and for your presence!
Yes, Andrew! To live in the NOW! And that is truly, afterall, what I am doing!!
DeleteKeep on keeping on.
ReplyDeleteNo fear, Janet. I am the Energizer Bunny of fell times. I will persevere, and win.
DeleteAndrew,
ReplyDelete"Hooks to the Future". You keep coming up with phrases that up-and-coming metal bands would envy for their album or even band name. Your post made me smile. A lot. I can just imagine Strawberry. She reminds me of Wilbur, for some reason. And that's just special right there.
This week I wrote about losing pride.
And flub.
You're ahead of me in every way on this one. Hope you like Chariots of Fire, I linked the theme song.
Love,
Tammy
(#45 today)
Tammy, WOW! Strawberry IS Wilbur! (And whenever I read "Dream Big" I always make it "Dream Pig" and think of you-know-who.)
DeleteAnd...y'all pegged me. I am a metalhead. Poor Barb,,,she loves Luther VanDross...and she married Mr. AC/DC.
Will be going to your blog this weekend. Had kind of a rough couple of days, and I love the Chariots of Fire theme.
Love back, Tammy!
This line is so powerful "If I have enough to look forward to, I'll be more likely to keep fighting." That is what we do, stand fast and stand firm. Such a good reminder.
ReplyDeleteMarvia, thank you so much...and thank you for your inspiring post today, on your blog. You are one of the greats, and I am honoured by your presence.
DeleteThinking about you and praying for you constantly.
ReplyDeleteShelli, that means so much to me! thank you. I'm sorry I have not been up to commenting at your place as regularly as I have in the past. But you do, always, make my heart rejoice with your strong and transparent faith.
DeleteAndrew, such wisdom here. Winning ugly is still a win. Truth, that. Winning begins with a mindset that you're going to win. I love the next step you've taken toward winning . . .those hooks. This is a great recipe here, Andrew.
ReplyDeletePraying for you night and day, friend.
Jeanne, thank you so much. It is really a choice - choose to win, or to lose. It really is that simple. Winning just means you keep looking for ways forward, and taking them as they are discovered. It can be painful, and it can be hard, but it's infinitely better than the alternative.
DeleteI so appreciate the prayers!
You're inspiring, Andrew! Rather than focus on the negative, you set your eyes on what to do next. Taking a cue from you!
ReplyDeleteCarrie, thank you so much! Your words and thoughts mean a lot to me, perhaps more than you know.
DeleteThank you so much for being here!
Agreed. Keep fighting and keep winning that the war is won. Thanks for sharing once again. Hang on and keep pressing in! Blessings from FMF.
ReplyDeletePressing on, Shannon, and I don't even know how to spell 'kwitt'.
DeleteI appreciate your being here; I have gotten more faith and comfort from your blog than you may realize.
You are indeed a winner! I like the idea of having something to look forward to, to fight for. This is true for transitioning into a new country or job, but it might also be true for life in general. Keep on fighting!
ReplyDeleteAndrew, after reading your words I had to think of this Scripture:
ReplyDeleteLuke 16: 8-9 “Now here’s a surprise: The master praised the crooked manager! And why? Because he knew how to look after himself. Streetwise people are smarter in this regard than law-abiding citizens. They are on constant alert, looking for angles, surviving by their wits. I want you to be smart in the same way—but for what is right—using every adversity to stimulate you to creative survival, to concentrate your attention on the bare essentials, so you’ll live, really live, and not complacently just get by on good behavior.”
This is what I see you doing. Your future is secure and your eyes are being opened more and more to the goodness in the Land of the Living: and in all of that God is using you to encourage those of us whose eyes need further opening. Giving thanks to God today.