This week's word is ALIVE.
Works for me, and what I have been thinking about, because why am I still alive?
It's a puzzlement to doctors and family. Professional opinion is I should have been dead last year, and every time I go in, my doctor's always faintly surprised to see me.
So why am I still here?
It's not easy, and not terribly fun. I've got to will my body forward, and talk myself into doing darn near anything. Like writing; every keystroke hurts.
I figure that God simply isn't done with me yet. He has His plans, and they involve my utility to His purpose, and emphatically do not address comfort or enjoyment.
It doesn't mean, to me, that He doesn't care. Quite the contrary; I think he, unlike Bill Clinton, truly 'feels my pain', and wishes it didn't have to be.
But if wishes were horses...well, God made the rules, and if he starts breaking them to give me a break, then we'd have absolute chaos, and a Creation that ended up denying His purpose...which is to make of us fit companions for Him in Heaven, for eternity.
So I'm here on His orders, and while He'll help me, it's up to me to keep going, spurred by the conscience and will He gave me, and reinforces.
That's why I am still alive.
(The really weird thing is that this is the post I would have written ahead of time, but I wasn't well enough. I truly didn't know if I would have had the energy to get one done, but seeing the prompt, I thought, well, that's a sign if there ever was one.)
If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
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Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links (they're 99 cents each). And if you'd like a free PDF, please email me at tempusfugit02 (at) gmail (dot) com, and I'll gladly send them
So relevant to your life...and to mine. We ARE here on His orders. Through rough times we have to remember that. I'm glad you're still alive, Andrew, and continue to pray for you!
ReplyDeleteCarol, yes...and that is what fuels gratitude for what I have, rather than resentment for what I may see as lack.
DeleteThank you so much for being here, and for your prayers. It has been a dreadful couple of days.
I am happy you are shocking doctors and still here fulfilling your God-given mission Andrew. Praying that you are able to know your purpose and be content whenever, however you leave us for Heaven. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteMarisa, thank you for the prayers and hugs, and for being here! If you could keep the prayers coming...this has been a very tough day.
DeleteI'm thankful God has you here, Andrew. I'm thankful for your life and how God continues to use it to bless others through your words. Great prompt for you (and for all of us)! Praying for you tonight and celebrating you're alive! (How are the dogs, by the way??)
ReplyDeleteJulie, thank you...I so appreciate your words and prayers, and I always draw both wisdom and comfort from your writing.
DeleteThe dogs are good...they are very supportive, and on really bad days - like today - they make as little fuss as possible. Hard for them, when the neighbour's cats keep peering in the windows.
I'm so thankful that you are still here friend. I wish I could take away your pain. But I trust and know that God overcomes death and the grave when Jesus is resurrected. Continually praying for you friend, I'm in the #5 spot today.
ReplyDeleteTara, thank you so much...I'd kind of like the pain to be gone, too, but through it I've really come to a feeling of 'knowing' both Jesus and Paul. I would not want to have missed that.
DeleteI so appreciate your prayers, Tara!
Echoing the above: so thankful you're still here. I wish it was easier on you physically, though I know God's plan and reasoning is sovereign over ours. Love you, brother.
ReplyDeleteLove you too, Jordan...and yes, God's plan does trump everything else.
DeleteI'm OK with that. A lot has been lost, but His presence and consistent, coherent support make up for it!
When I saw the prompt? Honestly? I thought of YOU. Before I thought of anything/anyone else. You are ALIVE. And, the FMF Community is glad, selfishly happy. Love to you and Barb. Prayers without saying amen. Celebrate His Resurrection...xo until next week.
ReplyDeleteSusan, thank you...for your friendship, support, and prayers!
DeleteIt was so weird...I was going to try to write an ahead-of-time post on just this subject, but just wasn't up to it. And then the prompt came up, and it simply had to be written. Fast, while I could remain upright!
XO back, from both of us...and all the dogs, too. He is Risen!
Sorry it's so hard and painful but I'm glad you're still here and surprising the doctors. Praying for continued strength.
ReplyDeleteCarly, thank you...it is sometimes kind of cool to see the docs' surprise!
DeleteAnd thank you so much for the prayers!
Yes Andrew every one of us is here on His orders and will leave this life at the time He appoints for us. We cannot will ourselves to breath one more breath than He appoints for us. I'm thankful you're still breathing today!
ReplyDeleteExactly that, Christy...and I am thankful to have a few more breaths left, too!
DeleteThank you so much for being here today.
I'm so glad you're still alive and able to write! You remind me, once again, that I am not my own. I was bought at a price and my life has a purpose.
ReplyDeleteAnita, EXACTLY. We have been bought at a blood price, and can never...for even a moment...allow ourselves to forget that, and think that we're 'irrelevant'.
DeleteI'm so glad you said this!
It is awesome that we serve a God who is in control of our every breath and every brain wave! You are alive because you are in His arms. What a peaceful thought!
ReplyDeleteIt is a peaceful feeling, Kristina...and sometimes I drive people nuts because I am really OK with what's happening. It's part of the Plan, and how can I resent it?
DeleteThank you so much for being here!
Wow, Andrew. So glad I ended up here today. And that God isn't done with you here yet. If wishes were horses... Asking God to bless you today.
ReplyDeleteAngela, thank you...I so appreciate your being here!
DeleteIt makes all the difference to know we have a purpose, doesn't it, Andrew? Thankful you're still with us, encouraging and inspiring us to every day glory. Blessings to you and Barbara this Easter. May the day bring a measure of peace with it's message.
ReplyDeleteIt does make all the difference, June. As Anita said, above, we were bought at a high price, and implicit in that is an important purpose...for each and every one of us.
DeleteThe past two days have been beyond the pale of awful, but there's peace in knowing that He Is Risen!
Oh yes, Andrew, quite a sign from HIM...you ARE still alive; He IS still using you and your words and whatever it is that He is using you for!! I appreciate the effort you take to continue sharing your heart and love reading your words. You are truly a blessing, Andrew! And prayers continue for you and Barb...
ReplyDeleteBarbara, thank you! More and more I find that it's an "Over to you, God" sort of thing; letting Him work through me, leaving me as the instrument, and not the hand. And I am content with that.
DeleteAnd we thank you so much for your prayers!
"I figure that God simply isn't done with me yet." - Saying a grateful Amen to this. So thankful to see you still faithfully here, Andrew, writing each wrung out, hard fought for word at a time. Although there must be moments when your body at least cries for release. Intractable, excruciating pain is no picnic. It takes raw courage to face it, steel yourself to write one sentence then the next. Praying for an extra measure of relief, rest, sleep and peace. May you be sustained in these dark days by a fresh anointing of grace and ability to feel alive on the inside even as a body leans toward its last breath. I haven't been active with FMF for a while but I always try to stop by here and read your words. Keep on keeping on, friend.
ReplyDeleteJoy, thank you...and you are right, there are moments...like, about fifteen minutes ago...when my body would have loved, I think, to throw in the towel.
DeleteBut the part of me that makes the decisions still wants to see the sunrise on the other side of what promises to be a nasty night.
I so appreciate the prayers and thoughts, Joy...and hope to be seeing more of your lovely, faith-filled poetry soon!
Andrew, thinking of you, as I often do, and admiring your bravery and grace. You are an example to so many of us. Helen
ReplyDeleteHelen, you're an example to me as well. I think of you and the littles daily, and you are always, always in my prayers.
DeleteAndrew, you're still influencing people with your internet writing. When you do get to Heaven maybe you'll see that something you posted changed a life. God isn't finished with you yet.
ReplyDeleteJan, thank you for this. Tonight, in rather a fell and trying time, your words have truly lifted my spirits.
DeleteThis is honest and powerful! My heart cracked a little bit when I connected with your ache. Then seeing just the little green sprig of hope sprouting in your choosing to walk in faith. Marching orders. Precious and difficult simultaneously. Thank you!
ReplyDeletejennifer (#8 at FMF)
Jennifer, thank YOU!
DeleteHope can be both the heaviest and most precious burden we can bear.
I so appreciate your being here!
YES!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Norma!
DeleteAndrew! Look at the impact of your life. You are spreading the life of His love everywhere you go and I am on my knees in awe of Him. Your words have profound impact and God has poured out His anointing and favor upon you. Thank you for coming by my blog to offer encouragement, knowing each key stroke is painful makes the treasure of your words tremendously valuable. Thank you. Thank you for not giving up. Thank you for pressing forward and Thank you for being obedient. :) I am one of MANY blessed. :) (total side note: have you ever read Pain Perplexity and Promotion by Bob Sorge? It's an amazing look at the life of Job, reading your post reminded of Bob's testimony and his take on Job is breathtaking). Blessings to you friend. May His love abound to you even more.
ReplyDeleteBrandi, thank you1 Your words mean more to me, especially on a night of rather difficult trials, than I can say. I am so grateful!
DeleteI will look for Sorge's book; thank you so much for this reference...and for being here!
((Andrew)) What a beautiful testament to your life in Him. I haven't had the opportunity to get to know you well, but I'm inspired by your graceful response to this difficult place. Thank you. God bless you. Happy Resurrection Sunday to you. Because He lives, we also live, praise God. ((Hug))
ReplyDeleteBrenda, thank you! Truly, I find that I can't, even for a moment, resent the situation. It is as it has to be, and while I can't see the purpose, I CAN say, "Thy will be done."
DeleteAnd it is kind of awesome to realize that my decision for faith rather than despair can have a part in His will. It's almost dizzying.
I hope you have a wonderful Resurrection Day, and hugs back! (Denali The Happy Husky sends a special Husky Hug...and if you've never been hugged by a Husky, it's a treat.)
Your words hold much impact. Perhaps you're here to leave us with that impact? As always, praying.
ReplyDeleteCarrie, thank you...what you have said...that honours me beyond anything I can say.
DeleteAnd thank you so much for the prayers. Today and yesterday were awful, and the prayers are appreciated and needed.
Still looking forward to tomorrow's SonRise!
Usually when I visit here, Andrew, quite frankly I'm inspired in a painful and sorrowful way. But today, rather appropriately since it is Easter, I am encouraged with a feeling of joy, hope and excitement for the good you feel and do through God's enablement! I know that "good" is not felt without pain, as you pointed out, with each keystroke. But it is with a sense of joy in the fact that God has kept you here for His higher purpose. We all share that joy, Andrew! You keep on, keeping on, my friend! And Happy Easter or "Defeating Death" Day!
ReplyDeleteHis purpose is my joy, Beth. Not the pain, surely...only a madman would embrace that. But the purpose beyond the pain...in that I rest in His arms, and I'm content.
DeleteThank you so much for being here!
He is risen indeed my friend. And He's got your back.
ReplyDeleteHe does, Paul. And so do you; I appreciate that so much!
DeleteTruth be told, I did think of you when choosing this prompt (you, and Easter, of course). ;-) So glad you wrote. Thanks for making the effort to show up each week.
ReplyDeleteKate, I am so honoured! As it is an honour to be here, every week. Honestly...I save my energy, what's left of it, for the FMF posts.
DeleteAndrew, every keystroke that you use to declare God's praise is a 21 gun salute defying the irritated enemy. Joseph was imprisoned a long time before he got his reward.
ReplyDeleteYou are "doing hard time", and yet you are remaining faithful. Your reward will be great. I can hear you smirking silently, "Is that all you've got?!"
The life in you is brighter because of the darkness.
"Oh death where is your sting? The resurrected King has rendered you defeated..."
-Tammy
Oh, Tammy! Thank you so much for this. You have truly eased a hard, hard evening, and given me a smile.
DeleteI read your comment to Ladron the Service Heeler. She is sitting up, looking very alert.
Thank you so much, my friend!