Your Dying Spouse 115 - A Hopeful Heart {FMF}

It's time for Five Minute Friday, the weekly keyword-driven timed writing challenge hosted by Kate Motaung.

This week's word is...well, I don't know yet. I'm writing in advance, and if you read these words it means I wasn't able to get a word-specific post together. I'm sorry, Kate.

First...many thanks to those who have sent cards, and to those I have not emailed yet...please forgive me. Barb only collects the mail once a week or so (remote rural box), and...I'm very tired.

But please know that they mean the world to me. Truly.

Okay, here we go.

I knew this day would come; I'm wearing out. It's getting too tiring to do more than the minimum, just the bare necessities...and some days, not even these.

Pain, nausea, and other, less pleasant things are taking a toll, and I am beginning to see that it's not recoverable.

There's still so much to do...bring Emerald Isle in self-published form, along with a couple of other completed novels...finish the sequel to Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart (it's nearly done), finish my Civil War novel, Lady Stonewall...and most important, finish my Viet Nam narrative, Travels With The Dude (and where else will you find Marines contemplating a pinup of Katherine Ann Porter?). You can read the latest installment of The Dude's story here, if you'd like.

There are two inspirational self-help books, as well, Your Winning Season, and Keeping The Vow - Christian Marriage In A Pagan World.

And Unsung Heroes Of The Bible, which features such worthies as Uriah the Hippie, Tobit's Dog, and the Rich Young Ruler.

Oh, sorry...Uriah was a Hittite, wasn't he?

And there are airplanes I have been working on, that I'd like to finish...and fly (real ones, not models).

But the tools are quiet now, and so, largely, is the keyboard.

I dreaded this, but the funny thing is that it's not nearly as fearsome as I had thought it would be.

Because, you see, I can still do something, like writing this post. (I have to confess that I'm cheating; as mentioned above, I am writing it long before the word is revealed, and will be editing it to drag the given keyword in by its hair, kicking and screaming...if I can  And I'm not setting a timer. I can't do that today. This is being written in fits and starts. Call it 3-Hour Friday. )

My days are much more 'reading' than 'writing'. A good cigar, and energy drink (but where's the energy?), and a good book...and a houseful of quiet dogs who understand that the best support they can give is their loving, warm presence.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not going gently into that good night, but the fight I can bring is exactly that...what I can still bring, and it's much more a matter of attitude.

Not militance, but the knowledge that I don't have to quit. That quiet resistance is still resistance.

That even when I'm too tired to do much else, there's still something worth doing.

That as long as I keep a hopeful heart in spite of the pain, there is still room for a miracle.

And that the miracle is here every day, precisely because I have and keep that hopeful heart.

I may not have keyed in the word for this week...we'll see tonight. But I'm happy with this, right now.

That's it.

Addendum...Kate graciously let me know in advance that the word is FOCUS. I'm not up to retooling the above, but here's 'something'...

A Texas oilman had two sons who wanted, more than anything, to be cattle ranchers. So he bought them a ranch, on the condition that they let him name it.

They agreed, and asked what he wanted to call the spread.

"Focus," he said.

Say WHAT?

"Sure. because it's where the sons raise meet."

As a final word, I wrote a post this week that I kind of liked, on caregiving, dying, and the Lord's Prayer. If you're interested, you can find it here.

The musical inspiration for this post came from Coldplay...

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links (they're 99 cents each). And if you'd like a free PDF, please email me at tempusfugit02 (at) gmail (dot) com, and I'll gladly send them