Thursday, October 22, 2015

Your Dying Spouse 73 - A Fierce Joy {FMF}

Back again with Kate Motaung's Five Minute Friday, the timed keyword-inspired writing challenge.

We're also linked with Messy Marriage's Wedded Wednesday/

This week's word is JOY.

Execute.

Every time I think things can't get worse, they do. Realizing that you need to get to the bathroom, and all you can do is crawl...and you don't make it...what do you call that?

Living the dream.

I'm living the dream because, please, fellow Brits (by way of Mongolia), pardon me...I AM STILL BLOODY HERE.

This hasn't knocked me off yet, and with the pain, and the humiliation (both physical and in regard to some relationships, I am beating this.

Because I am still alive, and I am still looking forward to tomorrow.

Sure, today was kind of lost to anything but just maintaining position. I wasn't able to do more than take care of the dogs and watch a couple of DVDs as reference to writing projects.

But I am looking forward to a better tomorrow. Cancer, you can't take that away from me!

And there is joy in this fight.

My main allies on the spot are dogs; better than people, they are closer to blood and bone. They get it.

And this is a fight of blood and bone. I have to talk my way through everything I do..."Okay, just do this...and now do that..."

One step at a time.

And there is joy in this. There is joy in kicking this illness in the face, by finding life to be something worthwhile.

There is joy in sharing this, that a death sentence can be something to be celebrated (as long as you have to be there) because you can witness to life's value, and not waste time in stupid sentimental pathos.

"Oh, poor me, I'm going to DIE-eee!"

Pardon me again, but the veriest HELL with that sort of rubbish.

I am going to enjoy this fight. I am enjoying it.

AND I HAVE ALREADY WON, BECAUSE I AM HERE NOW!

Endex.

"We are in the place of honour, and we must accept it."
Squadron Leader Philip Hunter, 264 Sdrn. RAF, shortly before he was killed in the Battle of Britain

31 comments:

  1. Your perspective continues to inspire - and I continue to lift you in prayer!

    visiting from FMF --- Sarah Jo

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    1. Sarah Jo, thank you so much, and please excuse the delay in responding. It has been a trying few days, and shortly after writing this I stopped breathing. I'm here courtesy canine CPR (from Sylvia, the 'face' of this blog).

      And thank you so much for the prayers.

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  2. Andrew, you fighting dog, your post is "top dog" this week. Congrats on your number one status. (and sorry for your not making it. Hope that was number one...oh bad joke. Perhaps I should delete.) (I won't. You laugh at those jokes.)

    Anyway, this was a post this week where I was thinking a lot of you, and how those verses about choosing joy look a lot different when the going is tough, but it seems to be a theme of joy and strength. And not our own strength but internal, eternal strength and vigor and courage.

    So, I salute your joy and treasure your swift kicks to the cancer cells. Keep kicking!

    ~Tammy

    (#5, just like my fingers that are high-fiving your fighting spirit)

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    1. I loved the joke, Tammy! Thank you for that.

      I so appreciate your thinking of me, and your prayers. You don't know how often I go back to the warm support of friends like you - that gets me through days like...well, like today.

      And I will keep kicking. My favourite quote, kind of apropos, is from Keith Richards..."If you're going to kick authority in the teeth, you may as well use both feet."

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  3. I don't know how ya do it, friend. I really don't. Most people would have given up by now- most would have given up last week, hell i would have. and yet, you still find reasons to claim joy. May you have easier days (please, Lord?!?), and may you still find joy in them somewhere. Love and prayers still, friend. In the 6th spot this week!

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    1. Jordan, thank you so much...and I'm sorry I have not stopped by yet. It has been a very hard weekend, but I will try this week.

      It can be hard to find joy, but when I least expect it, sometimes it has been there all along.

      Thank you so much for the prayers and love - they are an ever-present source of delight and, yes, joy.

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  4. Andrew, I know I won't have time to write to this week's prompt until much later this evening (if at all), so I skip-checked to the posts written HOPING that you would be here. Congratulations, sir, on the number one spot. We'll keep praying for you! (You're on my daughter's prayer board...) Fierce joy indeed; keep kicking!

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    1. Thank you so much, Janet, and please thank your daughter!

      I'm sorry I did not reply sooner; a few hours after writing this post I stopped breathing and Sylvia (the 'face' of the blog) had to do canine CPR. Quite an experience.

      I'll keep kicking. I promise.

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  5. You're here and you're inspiring others to value the joy of living (and fighting a good fight). Lifting you up in prayer today, my friend!

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    1. Thank you so much, Anita...and thank you for the prayers. I'll keep fighting. I give you my word.

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  6. 'Because I am still alive, and I am still looking forward to tomorrow.'

    You're an inspiration, pal. Pure and simple. God's giving you important work to do here ... and you're showing yourself faithful to the task.

    May your weekend have pockets of sheer peace ... time with Barbara and the little guys ... rest for your soul.

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    1. Linda, thank you...the weekend was actually kind of hard, but there was still joy and love abounding, especially from On High.

      Still love the 'dwell' picture of you on the swing, from your blog! It makes me smile.

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  7. Andrew, you do truly inspire me.

    And this: "There is joy in sharing this, that a death sentence can be something to be celebrated (as long as you have to be there) because you can witness to life's value, and not waste time in stupid sentimental pathos."

    You can witness to life's value . . . Yes. Life DOES have value. You're an amazing example of living this well.

    And, I'm praying for you day and night, my friend.

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    1. Jeanne, thank you so much. It was quite a weekend (as you know), but in spite of it all life still does have value!

      And a huge part of that come from God's hands, through the hands and hearts of my friends.

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  8. You.Are.Amazing. One of my heroes. October is almost over and I'll be writing FMF again! This 31 days is kicking my butt. That is just plain a dumb thing to say to YOU. xo

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    1. Susan, I'm in awe of you guys who are doing the 31 days. It's hard! I did it last year and barely made it. YOU are my hero!

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  9. Your post today reminded me of my Uncle's thoughts before he decided to have the by-pass surgery that could have easily taken his life. (He lived a month longer before God called him home). He said, "If I live, I'll have a better quality of life, If I die, I'll be with Jesus, either way, it's a win" Friend, each day on this earth for you is a win for your wife, your dogs and us your online friends and when God calls it'll be a win for you too! My Uncle is my 31 days topic this month, a lot of stuff reminds me of him right now.
    www.homeskoolmom.com
    www.christianhome.life

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    1. Christy, thank you for sharing this. I think I would have found a friend in your uncle...and positive that I WILL find a friend in him, one fine day soon.

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  10. Great words, brother. You shoot it straight as always. So many would not look at life in the ways you do. Thank you for that. For inspiring me to live life and embrace life and find joy in it. You bless me each time I stop over. Still praying for you. Keep fighting joy-filled.

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    1. Julie, thank you so much. Your words and thoughts, so well and kindly expressed, mean more to me than you know.

      And thank you so much for the prayers; believe me, they are vital. This weekend was simply indescribable. But I'm still here.

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  11. Yes! You are here, and we are here, and we make each moment count! Write on!

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    1. You bet I will, Carol! I'll keep writing.

      Thank you so much for being here. Truly.

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  12. Just this: "There is joy in kicking this illness in the face, by finding life to be something worthwhile." Sure... the face is good. But I'd like to be kicking it somewhere else too!

    So grateful to read your fighting words, brother!

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    1. Yep, definitely kicking it somewhere else as well, Karrilee! Going to make it into a soprano.

      I'm so glad you're here!

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  13. Oh friend, yes you have indeed already won. I'm parked in the #16 spot today.

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    1. Tara, thank you! I'm sorry this reply is so long delayed, and that I have not yet had the chance to visit your FMF post. I came close to death a few hours after writing this post, and am still dealing with the aftermath. It wasn't pretty.

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  14. I love your fighting spirit and your positive attitude.

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    1. Thank you so much, Carly. It helps that I am carried on the shoulders of giants.

      My friends. Like you.

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  15. Wow, so powerful! This really resonated with me.

    So true, life IS worth the fight -- even in the midst of struggle it is still beautiful, and valuable, and holy. In fact I think the struggle makes it even more so.

    Applauding your victory in the now, and an eternal victory for you when the fight has ended! But keep fighting, we who will be left behind don't want to have to do without you. :)

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    1. Thank you so much, Sarah.

      I did come close to 'leaving' a few hours after writing this post, but with the help of Sylvia the Pit Bull - the face of this blog - I am still here. I stopped breathing, and she did doggie CPR. Sylvia jumping up and down on one's chest would wake the dead.

      Which, I suppose, she did.

      I'll keep fighting. I don't want to go. I am still having way to much fun.

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  16. You have WON, because when you wrote this on Oct. 22nd...you were still here! As I read this today on Oct. 31st...you are still here! I know this because I have been reading through your posts that I have missed during this 31 day writing series. That is one joy I get during this time of year - reading others' posts; yet I didn't get many of them read!

    Finding joy where you can...in your dogs, your wife when you can, the DVD's you watch, the writing you do...connecting with the many followers who support and encourage and pray for you often...find that joy and kick that cancer's butt!

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