(We're also linked with Wedded Wednesday, on the awesome Messy Marriage site.)
Today's word is DOUBT.
Execute.
I am going to make it. I am not going to let this kill me.
There is no room for doubt.
The week that was, was dreadful. I thought I'd hit the basement, but the pain and nausea elevator kept going down, down, down, and I never realized that throwing up could hurt so much.
Nor that I could be so weak on my knees (Weak on my feet? Not that day; crawling was all I could do, and the dogs were horrified.).
And, pardon the directness, that I could lose so much blood that quickly. (My service heeler, Ladron, needed a bath, which she did not like. So did her pal PITunia JezeBULL. She doesn't like baths either...teach then to stay out of the way when I'm puking!..but maybe that's why they were horrified.)
I digress.
Things are bad enough that I cannot afford doubt, I cannot afford to be reflective and sentimental. If I'm going to have half a chance, I have to be ruthlessly single-minded., now more than ever.
Yes, this blog will continue; it's my duty and my desire to document this.
But I am determined that there will be a happy ending. There are miracles, and if God's tarrying, I'm gonna squeeze it out of Him.
No doubt.
Endex.
A bit shorter than usual...having a wee bit of trouble keeping focused, and hitting the right keys...in this suburb of hell, I was pretty scared.
Now I'm pretty mad. I don't like what's happening, and if attitude and determination can win out, I am going to survive.
One day at a time, one minute at a time.
Andrew, I've thought of you all week long. I'm so sorry the week has been so difficult. Your attitude is amazing and we are all calling upon God to provide that miracle for you.
ReplyDeleteHolly, please forgive my delayed response; things are bad here. I do appreciate the thoughts and prayers, more than I can say.
DeleteThe biggest miracle is to hand a torch of hope on to others, that it may be passed along. Please help me with this; please pass it on.
All we can do is what we can do...one day at a time; and yes, even one minute at a time, Andrew.
ReplyDeleteDo not give in to the doubt; the rest is not in your control...it is in God's. And, yes, there are miracles and He is still in charge! You are not yet ready to give up; He is not yet ready for you...your work is not yet finished!
I pray your days will ease up on you...the sickness and vomitting and pain and...all that you are dealing with. Praying for a bit of relief for you! And continuing to pray for Barb as well!
Barbara, thank you! I truly appreciate the prayers and the kind thoughts...and the hope for a miracle!
DeleteGod is indeed in charge. I trust Him, and I praise Him, however black the night and frightening the dawn.
Thank you for the gift of your fighting spirit. It inspires and shows me what this can look like. Praying as the week winds down that your pain level does too.
ReplyDeleteMary, thank you for being here, and for your prayers (and please pardon the slow response).
DeleteWhatever happens, it's all good...because God is all good. I trust Him.
Prayers for hope and peace!
ReplyDeletevisiting from FMF --- Sarah Jo
Thank you so much, Sarah Jo...even in the midst of this, when I turn to the Almighty, and hear the prayers of my friends...hope and peace abound.
DeleteI am the luckiest man alive.
Andrew, I'm praying for you as you fight! Keep strong, brother. May God's presence strengthen you even as you cling the toilet bowl.
ReplyDeleteOh, Asheritah, you made me smile...as you so often do! Thank you for being here today.
DeleteYou help keep me strong.
One day at a time and one minute at time with you, brother. You've been in my thoughts and prayers a lot this week. And to be honest, I'm mad with and for you too. God is a miracle worker. I am praying for that with you. You are a gift to us. Keep that fighting spirit.
ReplyDeleteI'll keep fighting, Tara, every step. And you have been on my mind, and I have been praying for you. You, too, are a gift...one beyond price, attainable only by grace.
DeleteThank you so much for being here.
Andrew, prayers continue for you. I'm sorry the dogs were horrified, and that you had to bathe them. Loving them in every way, you are. Your single-minded focus inspires, convicts and challenges me. I find it far too easy to get caught up in the small stuff of life when friends are fighting the true battles. Thank you for being the inspiration you are. Praying tonight and tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteJeanne, words fail me...everything except 'thank you', and that comes from the bottom of my heart.
DeleteYou're an inspiration to me, in return (and I suspect to a LOT of people!). The courage and faith that you show, the transparency of your heart, and most of all your living of the Gospel message is a beacon of hope.
Not much can be worse than throwing up except for dry heaves.
ReplyDeleteI'm so thankful that you are not on your knees like Nebuchadnezzar, but instead as a determined warrior who still battles for God's glory with all His strength.
I know you still pray, Andrew, and do not discount the armies you are unleashing on God's behalf!
Thank you for typing. I'm so encouraged to see your picture here tonight. I had not heard from you (and now am certain I know why) all week, and I was truly hoping to see that sweet pup! God did not disappoint me.
(At #16 this week)
Your praying friend,
Tammy
Yeah, dry heaves suck. Big time.
DeleteI'm sorry for the delayed reply; it was quite a week, and the weekend was physically worse. But morale here is high, except that there are dogs who would rather pass on more baths for awhile.
Your prayers and kindness strengthen me more than you may realize. Your presence here is important; it's part of what makes life possible.
Oh Andrew! My heart hurts for you, and I continue to pray dear brother.
ReplyDeleteI have to admit, seeing your post below this one made me laugh. This "Well, okay. Orchid it is" and thinking military, pit bull owning man writing on Orchid. Forgive me, it was just too much :) (at the #45 spot this week)
Ah, but orchids work magic on the soul!
DeleteChristy, thank you so much for being here today, and for your prayers. They are very, very important to me.
Thinking of you Andrew. Helen
ReplyDeleteHelen, thank you. Thinking of you as well - every day. Your courage is an inspiration, and the purity of your heart, a beacon.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteWe are all calling out to God for that miracle - I will not doubt He can do it.
ReplyDeleteNo doubt here, either, Susan. Meanwhile, He is working what I hope is another sort of miracle.
DeleteLetting folks know that life is still good, and worthwhile, even when you're pressed beyond where you ever thought you could stand.
I trust Him.
I am so happy to see you here... and also so sorry to hear of the rough week! I have been praying - and will join with you in stepping it up and pressing in deeper. Our God IS a Miracle maker... He does still heal and rise up and restore fully... and I have to say, my warrior spirit got all riled up as I read your words... I think it is good to get angry at the enemy. I stand beside you, brother... and we hold up your hands when you get weak... we will soldier on in battle and believe the truth that we know - that Victory is ours, in Jesus' Name!
ReplyDeleteKarrilee, thank you so much for visiting! And thank you for the prayers; they are very, very important to me, and they form the major part of whatkeeps me going.
DeleteI can't carry this on my own; I am being carried by the love of my friends.
Andrew - you amaze me. The fact that you are able to lay down words and share them here with us is such a testament to your strength - just plain grit and determination all over this page. I am praying for you.
ReplyDeleteTiffany, thank you so much; your words lift my heart, and your prayers lift my spirit.
DeleteThey are what make it possible to continue. It was a hellish weekend, but I am still here, still in the fight...and God is still good.
Andrew, I believe attitude and determination have a lot to do with it. You are here for a purpose. Keep teaching. Prayers to you.
ReplyDeleteKim, thank you - I believe that, too. I can bear the pain that is being used to shape God's will in this world.
DeleteSometimes I think - presumptuous beyond belief! - that He and I, we make a pretty good team!
Thank you so much for being here, Kim, and thank you so very, very much for the prayers. They MATTER.
Andrew, I am so sorry to hear about your week. Your bravery inspires and challenges me. Praying God will be near to you--you are loved way more than the broken butterfly.
ReplyDeleteConstance, thank you so much...and thank you especially for the 'broken butterfly' post. It brought tears to my eyes.
DeleteWe have a sanctuary for 'broken' dogs; the abandoned and abused. I am out of the workforce now; there's no way I could be worth anything to an employer, so my wife is 'out there'.
The dogs are my main company, and their support, their love, and their cheerful companionship have brought me through many a hellish day.When I think on them, now, I shall think of the butterfly, and how even the smallest kindnesses matter.
Thank you for being here; thank you for BEING, Constance.
Andrew, your purpose is to model bravery and teach us how to fight to live.
ReplyDeletePraying Numbers 6:25-27 for you today. "The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you; The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, And give you peace.”’ Amen.
Michele, I love that Scripture. Thank you so much; I needed it, just now. I am hurting.
DeleteAnd you, dear, brave Michele, are in my prayers.
Andrew, you write from a dark place few will enter, and you write with such inspiration and grace that few could muster. As a former nurse I was at the other end of your struggle and saw how much it helped to keep the flame of hope alive. You are doing this with bells on. Humbled by what I see and read here. Keep on battling, brother. You have an army of souls interceding on your behalf as we storm heaven's gates. Visiting from FMF. I'm honoured to meet you and wish I'd done so sooner. May the sickness ease greatly in the week ahead. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteOh, Joy...your name really says it al! As I write this, it has been a hard, hard day, but your words have given me a lift, given me encouragement...you have helped to keep that flame of hope alive.
DeleteAnd that is something that, in the end, none of us can do alone. We have to link arms, I think, to form a bridge across the abyss of fear, to make safe a way to the broad, sunlit uplands.
Thank you so much for being here today, Joy. I really, really appreciate your company.