It's time for Five Minute Friday! Hosted by Kate Motaung (www.katemotaung.com), it's a challenge to write coherently using the inspiration of a given word.
Today, the word is RISE.
Here we go...
There's an old bit of verse that sticks in my mind...
I am sore wounded but am not slain.
I will lay me down for to bleed awhile,
and then I'll rise to fight again.
It's inspiring, at least to me, but the mindset is one that drives my wife - and probably many, many other caregivers - to distraction.
The duty of a caregiver is to provide care, comfort, and support.
But to do that, they need cooperation. Sometimes, when you fall, your caregiver needs you not to keep dragging yourself forward.
They don't need you to try to rise.
They need you to accept the moment, accept help.
And in so doing, accept the fact that you NEED help. That you can't do it all alone.
For a lot of terminally ill folks, this is hard. Well, for me.
I'm trained to fight on, no matter what, with whatever I have, however I can. Giving up while still alive was not an option. "Save the last bullet for yourself" really meant something, because being captured meant being skinned alive. Literally.
But I am not there now. Now I've got to consider the courtesy my wife needs and deserves, and put aside my instincts...and, yes, my pride.
Sometimes we can only rise again on the arm of someone who loves us.
Amen, brother! I'm always so intrigued and encouraged by your posts because you write from the point of view of one receiving care--and I know the opposite side--being a caregiver to a critically ill husband. He never expressed how all the dependency made him feel. I do know he was grateful, and I do know that now he needs me to lean on him and need his strength for things (believe me, it was hard to quit being a caregiver once he recovered--it had become such a habit). I'm glad you're still fighting. My prayers are with you and your wife.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!
DeleteThe dichotomy of needing help, but trying to preserve independence, is tough...especially when you have to try to see things through the caregiver's eyes.
Andrew, amen brother. I cannot imagine how very difficult it is to be in that place but it is indeed where you are. Yes do this for your wife and caretakers. My fave line is that last sentence "Sometimes we can only rise again on the arm of someone who loves you!" All the yeses!!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Tara! It was hard to write...one wants to cast oneself in the heroic mold, but that bit of role-playing takes something away from someone else...someone who cares.
DeleteOutstanding words of wisdom! I would have a really hard time accepting care from others. I have always been a bit stubborn when it comes to receiving help. But your last line really says it all best. I will pray for you and your wife.
ReplyDeleteIt's a tough one for me, every day!
DeleteThank you so much for the prayers. That means a lot to me.
For someone who is independent, it's hard to accept care and help from a caregiver. But, the blessing you offer your wife when you give her help . . . you give her value. Especially because she knows your inclinations to do things on your own. I can imagine how difficult it is, Andrew, to accept help from anyone, even one who loves you as much as your wife does. But you love well and live well in taking that hand.
ReplyDeleteI know, you know this. :) I'm praying for you tonight my friend.
It is hard! One of the toughest things about pride is that it becomes a habit.
DeleteAnd thank you for the prayers. Today was kind of bad.
Amen! "sometimes we only rise again on the arm of someone who loves us". May seeking help and accepting it when needed become a way to honor God and those who are caring for us. Great to see you here at FMF.
ReplyDeleteIt is a way to honour God...two ways, actually. First, by accepting the grace of his sending a caregiver. Second, by truly living the sacramental nature of marriage, and seeing one's caregiving spouse as Jesus' hands and heart.
DeleteThank you for being here today!
Why is it so hard to give , to giveup in to even a small space of time for those we love? Maybe because it might mean we may never get that piece back again; we might never be able to fight that hard again? I often think this is my reasoning. I guard independence with everything I have and it's silly really, I am not dying. I will be sick forever, but my husband only wants for me to be better; for my life to be easier. But I fight sometimes. Sometimes you fight what you see, not what you need to. Prayers to you, my friend. Love your heart of a lion.
ReplyDeleteI think you got it exactly right, Kim. It's a line in the sand, and I'm always afraid that if I don't do "this thing" for myself...I will never do it again.
DeleteThank you for the prayers, and for being here.
Came back to comment and found yours, friend. Sometimes I think - for us - the more important lesson is to trust, and to humble ourselves before our spouse and God and know that He will give us another "thing" to fight. Part of giving up the control I guess. :-(
DeleteKim, giving up control is the hardest thing for me...but Jesus is a WAY better driver.
DeleteOh Andrew...I agree that reading your words - those from one who is being "cared for" - is enlightening to one who is somewhat of a care-giver. I am independent and don't know how I would be if I were the one being "care for". As usual, your insights and thoughts and words inspire and hit home in one way or another.
ReplyDeletePraying for you and your wife!
Thank you, Barbara. It's a hard road to walk...in both respects.
DeleteSometimes I think it's harder for the caregiver, because she is always "in the shadow", so to speak. And she can never really give voice to the things that exhaust and grieve her, because it seems small in comparison.
It's not small; it's merely different, and comparison is both invidious and unfair. That's going to be the subject of a future post.
Thank you for being here.
I do try, Marie...it's a choice, every day.
ReplyDeleteI do appreciate, and feel, the prayers.
Andrew, I found your blog via Barbie's Weekend Brew link-up. I just finished reading the series of Your Dying Spouse posts, and you have given me a lot to think about. I agree, it's hard to accept help but "Sometimes we can only rise again on the arm of someone who loves us." Great conclusion. Prayers for you and your wife.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Constance. I appreciate your prayers, and your presence here.
DeleteI have very limited internet access at the moment, but look forward to visiting your blog soon.
Thank you for your perspective. I know this is what my grandma wants my grandpa to know as he is caring for her right now.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Amy. My prayers are with them, and with you.
Delete