Back at Five Minute Friday, hosted by Kate Motaung (www.katemotaung.com).
Today's challenge is to write for five minutes on the word MEET.
My further challenge is to incorporate this into an ongoing series on dealing with a dying mate.
Well, here goes.
Meet thyself.
Usually we think of knowing ourselves, but when we start the dark road to death with our spouse, the trip for which there's a temporal 'after' for only one...there are things in our character that we'll meet as for the first time.
Some of them aren't pretty. But pridefully denying them is the devil's mirror.
Take resentment. Living with someone who's dying, someone you love, someone you'll miss terribly, will grind anyone down.
You may wish to take their burden on yourself, but you can't. You can help where possible, but mostly you watch, and your heart tears more with each day.
It's natural to resent the process, the illness, but the target is kind of amorphous.
So you resent the person.
Yes, it's illogical, unfair, an un-Christian. But this is how most people cope.
And it is a coping mechanism. It's a way, futile to be sure, to fight back against something that's hurting YOU.
Meet thyself.
And be gentle in that meeting, for you are no monster, hating the helpless. You're a victim of the illness, just as much as your mate.
Be gentle with yourself, because you're important.
Not just as a caregiver.
As YOU.
Marie, thank you so much.
ReplyDeleteThere hasn't been much peace in this most personal of battles, but there is Grace, delivered through the hearts of stalwart friends.
Like you.m
Ah, Andrew. I feel for both you and your wife. I'm guilty of feeling resentful towards my husband a time or two when he was fighting cancer and then recovering from it. The stress is incredible for the caregiver, and we cease to think clearly or understand completely. May the Holy Spirit comfort each of you as you walk this dark journey together. May you find joy and peace and love and empathy and understanding during your long goodbye.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. I so appreciate the prayers.
DeleteBeing a caregiver is indeed overwhelming, and the aspect of it being a long goodbye truly scars the heart...and, inevitably, the relationship. I think Grace comes in the recognition.
Andrew, this post has challenged me, in the best of ways. It's making me uncomfortable, in a good way. Thank you for sharing so transparently. The heart you see your situation with is grace-filled and redeeming. Reading your words makes me think of Job's wife. It was probably her hurting for him that caused her to utter her words.
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for you both.
I think you're right on about Job's wife. Thanks for mentioning that; I would have missed it completely.
DeleteAnd thank you for the kind words, and the prayers. I do feel the power of hearts lifted in prayer, animating my days.
Oh my friend! So true! Having a parent who has lived most of my life with a mental illness, I will admit that I have been extremely hard on myself. I've had to learn to be gentle with me too! Prayers for both of you!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you learned the gentleness; dealing with that situation is a hard school.
DeleteAnd thank you so much for the prayers!
Andrew, So much truth in your words here. I'm praying for you both. It is so hard to care for someone you love as you watch them go through a physical, mental and emotional battle that you cannot fix for them. And at the same time, the caregiver has their own internal battle going on. I honestly don't know where my husband gets the strength, kindness and patience. Had our roles been reversed, I'm not sure I'd be the wife he would need me to be. God certainly does call us each for a purpose and require us to work on ourselves to be Christ-like. It is a daily process that takes a lifetime. Blessings to you both, friend.
ReplyDeleteKim, you said that beautifully, with a lovely, honest transparency.
DeleteThank you so much!
It IS hard being a caregiver; it IS hard living with someone with an illness that you just can't control...it IS hard living with an illness yourself and being the one "cared for"...You continue to touch each of our lives with your words, Andrew! Still praying with/for you and your wife; still following - and still inspired by all that you are, that you are going through, and that you share of yourself and your heart. Thank you...
ReplyDeleteBarbara, thank you so much.
DeleteIt is a hard road, but it is a privilege to be able to touch strong, Christian hearts...like yours.
I would think that if I was watching my spouse slowly die, I would want my love to die with him--in a way. My heart would ache so much that I couldn't bear the slow loss playing out before me and I would try to numb my pain by distancing myself. I think that's what you're saying here, Andrew. Such a hard path you and your wife must walk. Prayers are still continuing daily for you, my friend!
ReplyDeleteYou're absolutely right about wanting love to die, and distancing. It sounds harsh, but it can be a saving grace for both. It'll be the specific topic in an upcoming post, with some background, and ways to cope without too much hurt or guilt.
DeleteAnd thank you for the prayers. Recent days have been kind of awful.