Yes and no.
Fifty Shades of Grey is aimed squarely at a female audience, but it's quite different in both content and character from what is produced for male consumption (see part 1 and part 2 of this series for more).
For one thing, it has a storyline, and there is the key.
Men are aroused by images; Playboy magazine and its ilk are proof enough of that.
Women are engaged - and arousal requires engagement - by emotional appeal, and this is where FSOG traps its audience, with the story of a pure woman redeeming a Bay Boy.
There's the frisson of living on the edge, as it were, but in the context of a story that has an arc, and has a purpose, however far-fetched.
The danger is greater than that found in men's pornography - men are, essentially, retreating into adolescence, resorting to self-arousal to hide from real relationships.
Women, on the other hand, crave the relational, and turn to their version of pornography when real life is wanting.
The danger is this - Why isn't my life like that?
Women's pornography goes under the name erotica, but I think it's broader than that, and can...and please don't stone me for this...include romance.
OK, I said it. yeah, go ahead and toss the stones...because romance is what I write.
Romance can be wonderful, giving a good feeling for the potential of life. It can make you look up, see the reflection of the Almighty in the person you love, or might one day meet, and love...and I hope that what I write does that.
But it can be dangerous, when it begs the question...Why doesn't my husband make me feel like that?
We're married to ordinary people. A wife typically does not look like a model, and a husband does not look like the Fabio, the archetype for the romance-novel hero.
And as a wife is typically not a "guy with different plumbing:" in her sexual appetites, neither is a husband the sensitive yet passionate romantic leading man.
But the difference is this...men can easily...too easily...disconnect romance and sex. Most women can't, and don't want to.
Most men know, at least subconsciously, that they would not want to be in a relationship with one of the women in their visual pornography. They'd be overmatched, overwhelmed.
But when a woman is given an emotional longing that her husband can't meet, the marriage is in trouble.
And there lies destruction.
And there, in the creation of that itch, that frisson of dissatisfaction, that emotional arousal, purposely created to ensure that there is an itch that will be scratched...there is the definition of pornography.
If you have a moment, please stop by at my other blog, Starting The Day With Grace.
This post is linked to Wedded Wednesday, a compendium of really cool posts on marriage. If you click on the logo below, you'll be taken to www.messymarriage.com, which is the springboard to a wealth of information. It's run by Beth Steffaniak, who has a heart for marriage and a soul for God!
Thanks again for bravely wading into this issue. And there are no stones being thrown by me, for sure! I think you've hit the nail on the head with your thoughts on women's escapism into 'romance' and I wanted to comment more, but in the end wrote a blog post of my own quoting yours here: in 'Throwing stones at pornography' https://ruthemarriott.wordpress.com/2015/02/25/throwing-stones-at-pornography/
ReplyDeleteRuth, thank you, and your blog is terrific...anyone reading this, please go see what Ruth has to say.
DeleteLove this, Andrew. We always have to be on guard.
ReplyDeleteYes, Shelli. We ALL do.
DeleteYou are so very wrong. Men using pornography is EXACTLY the same thing. Men are saying to their self "why isn't my life like that? why can't I have all that? why isn't my wife like that? I DESERVE this. I am ENTITLED to us MY sexuality any way I please". Pornography is adultery of the heart - because the man WANTED and DESIRED it. Pornography is adultery of the mind - because men make an INTENTIONAL CHOICE to use it. Pornography is adultery of the body because men use it to sexual arouse themselves instead of giving their sexuality to their wives. Make NO mistake - pornography is adultery is every form. And yes, ladies, it IS about you. It's about you because your husband isn't getting his way with you, so he goes elsewhere. But it's mostly about the the pure self-centerness and selfishness of the male mind.
ReplyDeleteIf I'm wrong, fine. My point is that women are generally more emotionally mature than men; where men use pornography to escape into adolescence, women use it equivalent to look for real-life alternatives.
DeleteI'm not excusing the use of pornography by men, by any means, and if I gave that impression, even slightly, I apologize,