We're also linking to Barbie Swihart's Weekend Brew; please visit for links to some really uplifting people.
And we are linking to "Wholehearted Home".
Today's word is send.
GO.
I'm past the moto sayings, and past the feel-good theology. Three of the last four nights have been, frankly, terrifying, and are ample proof that terminal illness sucks.
Where's God? Some would say that He's sent this as a test, or as a crucible that will increase my faith. If so, He's off His gourd, no disrespect intended.
This - unremitting and uncontrollable pain, projectile vomiting, and, I hate this, incontinence doesn't do a measure of good in any regard.
If God thinks this will bring me closer, He's like a horse trainer who's using a pellet gun as a teaching tool. I know something about horses. That ain't the way it's done.
I had a life, once.
And actually, in spite of everything, I still do, because I don;'t believe that God resorts to torture to get His point across.
This is a world in which free will is absolutely necessary; to become citizens of Heaven we need to choose it. And it follows that such a world also has to allow horrible things to happen to adequate people.
So God's here, bracing me against the wind. It's me who has to stand. It's me who has to puke. But God's lacing my boots tighter, and yelling GET UP when I fall.
I have to do the shooting, but God's passing me the mags.
And yes, I have a life. It's a life lived in opposition to fear and despair. It's a life that will be on the side of good, even when there no good left.
Send it. I'm here, and I won't back down.
STOP
God may be kinda pissed when He reads that. But I'll take the chance; getting whacked by lightning might numb the pain in my gut and back.
Worth a shot, eh?
If you have the chance, please stop by my other blog, "Starting The Day With Grace", at www.dailygracequote.wordpress.com.
Yep that's right. Who's to blame for the sickness and suffering? Not God - we have an enemy of our souls... we might wonder why God seems slow in coming to our aid, or alleviating suffering, but let us take the time to boast in his goodness, his unchanging, loving nature in defiance of all the hordes of hell who shriek otherwise. I will not join their cat-calls either. God is love... and He is sufficient. from #fmfparty
ReplyDelete(PS don't think God has a problem with strong feelings or expressing it - He's taken worse from me along the way too, and amazingly... I'm still here)
Exactly! I think you've got God taped; His Love drowns out the noises of hell.
DeleteI don't think you're going to piss God off. He's probably saying, "Fight on!" He made you to be a warrior. Your toughness AND your faith are inspiring. Praying for you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Lisa...I hope you're right! A pissed-off God would be sort of the last thing I would want to face at the moment.
DeleteAndrew, praying for you. I love your determination to live well, to live fully.
ReplyDeleteThis? "And yes, I have a life. It's a life lived in opposition to fear and despair. It's a life that will be on the side of good, even when there no good left." Victorious words here.
You are priceless, and valued, Andrew!
Jeanne, words fail me, Thank you so very, very much.
DeleteYou and your journey continue to inspire me. I love the thought of God handing you the mags as you have to keep shooting. That is our God, isn't it? Praying for you.
ReplyDeleteMeredith, thank you. That is indeed our God!
Delete"It's a life lived in opposition to fear and despair ". Dang. I have no words for you Andrew, except that you are one hell of a fighter. Peace on you, friend.
ReplyDeleteMarcy, thank you so much, and please excuse my delayed response; the past few days were a bit rough.
DeleteYou are a warrior. God doesn't punish us with sickness, that is a result of this fallen world. Yet God uses our struggles for good even when we can't see it. You inspire those who watch you fight and still keep the faith. Yes it is hard, and sometimes questions may arise as to what God is doing and why, but the fact that you still trust God...that speaks louder than anything else you may say.
ReplyDeleteDeanna, you've warmed my heart; thank you so much. And please excuse the delay in responding; it's been a long week.
DeleteYes, keep standing-- God is there. I am offering a prayer for you. I have some understanding because my son had cancer. Thank-you for leaving a comment on my blog.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about your son; seeing a child with cancer is unimaginably hard.
DeleteAnd thank you so much for the prayers. (And please exxcuse my delay in replying, it's bee a bit rough.)
And please excuse my horrible spelling!
DeleteI doubt any lightning bolts are going to come flying at you any time soon, Andrew. The Lord is a warrior, mighty in battle. He fights with you, for you. But your hurt and pain touch His heart, for He is compassionate.
ReplyDeleteJesus wept.
I know you're probably not up to reading, but if you are, you just might appreciate Philip Yancey's books, particularly 'Where is God When It Hurts' and 'Disappointment with God.'
http://philipyancey.com/
No pat answers there.
Praying for peace for you even as we speak, Andrew ...
Linda, thank you - Barbara brought home a copy of "Where Is God When It Hurts", and while it will take time, I'll read it.
DeleteAnd please pardon the long-delayed response1
"So God's here, bracing me against the wind. It's me who has to stand. It's me who has to puke. But God's lacing my boots tighter, and yelling GET UP when I fall." Fight on, Andrew! Thank you for sharing your journey at The Weekend Brew!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Barbie, and thank you for hosting "Weekend Brew".
DeleteI get a lot of strength there.
So admire you. I think God's smiling on you. What a blessing you are!
ReplyDeleteAw, Shelli, I seem to have some grit in my eyes, because they're getting all teared up.
DeleteThank you so very, very much.
Curious to know more about what disease you are battling - can you point me to a blog post where you may have shared more?
ReplyDeleteIt's chronic pancreatitis, which by now is morphing into early-stage pancreatic cancer - that is what the doctors promised, and I am symptomatic.
DeleteNo medical insurance, so I can't afford either tests to see exactly what's happening or treatment, which kind of sucks. But when life hands you a lemon, time for lemonade.
Or some hard lemon cider.