How Not To Flirt

I don't know how to flirt effectively, but I have learned some ways in which it's NOT done.

• "Hey, you lookin' at me? Huh? You wanna take this outside or what?"
• "You have beautiful eyes. They remind me of a eyes of a Basset Hound."
• "I'll bet you're goods at judo...you've got a really low center of gravity."

I've also learned that men don't bat their eyes. This brings comments like, "Wow, that's the worst facial tic I've ever seen!"

It also can bring on unintended attention...from other men. Ooops.

I'd been told that women often appreciate fine art. So, I tried this..."Do you think that J.M.W. Turner's later paintings presaged the rise of the Impressionists, or that he was too drunk to see what he was doing?"

I guess the question would have been okay if the lady I asked had any idea who J.M.W. Turner was.

Music was supposed to be another icebreaker. But "I can hardly wait until the Mother Ship brings back Elvis" only drew a nervous giggle.

She thought I was JOKING!