tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post8811365607656517450..comments2024-03-26T13:47:55.472-07:00Comments on Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart: Your Dying Spouse 67 - Whom Can You Trust? {FMF}Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13230537202427640540noreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-58918160539548677332015-10-31T12:25:41.273-07:002015-10-31T12:25:41.273-07:00Yes, Andrew...that "trust"; that feeling...Yes, Andrew...that "trust"; that feeling that you have someone who will take care of all that you cannot. I sense at times my husband has these feelings; he knows I will do those things; yet he cannot actually express those feelings. What comes out is the anger, the frustration, the accusations that fall on me, the one trying to deal with it all. Yet, do I stop to "see" what he may be feeling? Probably not; and that is what I should be doing!<br /><br />Thank you for sharing your thoughts...and for continuing to share your "series" - your "BOOK"!!<br /><br />Still thinking of you; and praying for BOTH OF YOU!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16954512718777249848noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-90204126862615552902015-10-13T14:25:46.132-07:002015-10-13T14:25:46.132-07:00I so wish I would have known that I needed counsel...I so wish I would have known that I needed counseling when Pedro was in crisis. It would have been nice to have a human to vent to--it also would have made recovering from my caregiving stint a lot easier!blestbutstresthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02058280295906350992noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-82753059643540581292015-10-13T06:36:25.322-07:002015-10-13T06:36:25.322-07:00Hi Andrew, thanks for visiting my blog so I could ...Hi Andrew, thanks for visiting my blog so I could find yours. This is so much wisdom and insight in this post. Thank you for your openness. Praying for you and your wife- it must be so difficult for both of you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-11540756647808120232015-10-12T01:20:52.792-07:002015-10-12T01:20:52.792-07:00Hello Andrew, This post is very insightful and bra...Hello Andrew, This post is very insightful and brave. How generous of you to consider the caregivers view on things. I have been caregiver twice in my life. Once to my (almost) fiance (he was diagnosed with a stem cell tumour just the day after we had decided to become engaged) and recently to my mother who has been diagnosed with Altimeters/ Dementia... Both times were/are difficult, and a resentment of sorts did creep into my heart, but never against my two loved one's...The resentment was aimed at their and my "Life Interrupted" so rudely with no explanation that made sense. Yet, with hindsight I can trace the hand of God throughout it all when I re-read my journals and think/talk about these periods. Will keep you and your wife in my prayers...Samaritan Womanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09993223841590542390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-52627153974508015172015-10-11T20:39:38.709-07:002015-10-11T20:39:38.709-07:00Shelby, my heart goes out to you for what you'...Shelby, my heart goes out to you for what you've endured, and for the courage it must have taken to comment. I think you are awesome, and you have added so much to this conversation...I thank you from the bottom of my heart.<br /><br />You are in my prayers, brave heart.Andrewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13230537202427640540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-54802238763990686532015-10-11T20:38:01.692-07:002015-10-11T20:38:01.692-07:00It has felt that way, Beth...and it takes looking ...It has felt that way, Beth...and it takes looking beyond that, to the evidence of the years of a shared life, to see that the words are simply an artifact of a passing feeling, that they represent not ill-will, but a moment's desperation.<br /><br />I'm definitely still in for the long haul. The last couple of days were dreadful - hence the late replies - but I do not intend to quit, nor would I take an out offered, even by God Himself. This is a job worth doing.<br /><br />Thank you so much for being here.Andrewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13230537202427640540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-68158771903168545612015-10-11T20:34:53.182-07:002015-10-11T20:34:53.182-07:00Annie, you're so right. We ALL have issues to ...Annie, you're so right. We ALL have issues to work through, and the help of a counselor can make that road so much smoother.<br /><br />Thank you for being here...and you may be interested in knowing that your first name is shared by the heroine of my latest novel, "Emerald Isle". (And if your last name happens to be Ryan, the serendipity would be complete.)Andrewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13230537202427640540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-74650775353297973492015-10-11T20:32:26.982-07:002015-10-11T20:32:26.982-07:00You're right, Linda. Both parties need counsel...You're right, Linda. Both parties need counseling of very different types (and perhaps from counselors of different personalities). And they don't need to hear each other's words spoken to the counselor.<br /><br />Thank you for being here, my friend. You are in my prayers.Andrewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13230537202427640540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-34459145740001589392015-10-11T20:28:06.958-07:002015-10-11T20:28:06.958-07:00Ifeoma, thank you so much for the loving thoughts ...Ifeoma, thank you so much for the loving thoughts and prayers. They are appreciated, and needed.<br /><br />And thank you for being here. We are not alone; God, and His human hands, arms, and hearts, surround us.Andrewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13230537202427640540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-43206203057387045522015-10-11T20:26:43.617-07:002015-10-11T20:26:43.617-07:00Janet, thank you! And you're right, barbara...Janet, thank you! And you're right, barbara's wishing THIS were over is a wish that the pain be gone, by whatever means necessary.<br /><br />Words are so imperfect, and the way we think them and speak them are so flawed. Not to mention how they are heard.<br /><br />In the end, one has to depend, for trust and love, on the years of hard evidence in the relationship, and not a fleeting sentence, spoken at wit's end, overwhelmed by heartache.<br /><br />And yes, David did rant at God...thank you for reminding us. I see God taking it on the chin, not condescendingly, but in sorrow for what His friend had to endure.<br /><br />Thank you for the prayers, and for simply being here.Andrewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13230537202427640540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-64927674915086138002015-10-11T20:22:03.126-07:002015-10-11T20:22:03.126-07:00Yes, Marie, absolutely! I feel strongly that coupl...Yes, Marie, absolutely! I feel strongly that couples should have individual counselors or trustworthy confidantes. Same-sex, obviously.<br /><br />And I also think that marriage counseling should happen twice a year, as a checkup, even when nothing's wrong. That way problems can be caught early, and the counselor has the baseline understanding of that marriage's normal dynamic.<br /><br />It takes a few fewer lattes every month to pay for it...I wonder why so few people do it!<br /><br />Thank you so much for being here, Marie.Andrewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13230537202427640540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-30936209119841834312015-10-11T20:18:57.031-07:002015-10-11T20:18:57.031-07:00Carol, thank you! It was hard to write.Very, very ...Carol, thank you! It was hard to write.Very, very hard.<br /><br />And the love-trust connection is definitely there...and that's unfortunate, because neither really follows from the words that break the trust.<br /><br />The words reflect a passing fleeting, and the misfortune was to say them...we all have those moments of weakness, in other areas, areas where it doesn't seem to count for so much.<br /><br />And it doesn't follow at all that one isn't loved, even as we may curse the younger sibling who put the tack on our chair at the family Christmas dinner, we WON'T. as we threaten, do him in.<br /><br />At least, I didn't. I waited years until he brought his fiancee to visit, and then placed a very dead (and frozen) rattlesnake, coiled, on his plate at dinner.<br /><br />But I still loved him.<br /><br />Thanks for being here!Andrewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13230537202427640540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-77272173767372783052015-10-11T20:13:42.918-07:002015-10-11T20:13:42.918-07:00Summer, you brought up the perfect metaphor - the ...Summer, you brought up the perfect metaphor - the pendulum. Thank you!<br /><br />Prolonged death IS hard to do every day...and sometimes a break, a vacation...makes it harder, because you don't WANT to go back to see, with fresher eyes, what illness is doing. There isn't a winning hand to play.<br /><br />Thank you so much for being here.Andrewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13230537202427640540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-83784066972527602862015-10-11T20:11:43.483-07:002015-10-11T20:11:43.483-07:00I remember hearing about that, Norma. Words just c...I remember hearing about that, Norma. Words just can't be pulled back, and sometimes can't be forgotten, even with the best will in the world.<br /><br />Thank you so much for being here!Andrewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13230537202427640540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-47360721963392211992015-10-11T20:10:39.261-07:002015-10-11T20:10:39.261-07:00Elder Law can be a daunting profession, or so I ha...Elder Law can be a daunting profession, or so I have been told. Thank you for being a part of it. We need more people like you.<br /><br />It's so sad how caregivers are often overlooked...unless they are perceived at not measuring up. Then there's no escaping the pitiless light.<br /><br />Thank you so much for being here today.Andrewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13230537202427640540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-48418290962736264032015-10-11T20:08:59.934-07:002015-10-11T20:08:59.934-07:00o that's why I didn't see you at FMF! I...o that's why I didn't see you at FMF! I'll definitely come by and visit.<br /><br />I'm so glad I have you guys; I would be lost without y'all.Andrewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13230537202427640540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-55657476236487023762015-10-11T20:07:55.234-07:002015-10-11T20:07:55.234-07:00Michele, thank you! It is getting harder and harde...Michele, thank you! It is getting harder and harder - physically - to write, and the subjects are getting more personal, and sometimes are quite painful. But it feels like what God wants me to make of this...so I want to do it.<br /><br />Thank you so much for being here. Your presence and your comments mean a lot to me.Andrewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13230537202427640540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-15159621522937648392015-10-11T20:00:23.520-07:002015-10-11T20:00:23.520-07:00Thanks, Julie...it is very, very important. Some o...Thanks, Julie...it is very, very important. Some of the most damaging comments, when a caregiver doesn't have an outlet, can be those said under the breath that are yet heard. They add an extra twist to the 'trust' issue...a really bad one.<br /><br />Thank you so much for being here. I always appreciate it when you stop by.Andrewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13230537202427640540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-13022448771900266862015-10-11T19:49:07.864-07:002015-10-11T19:49:07.864-07:00Jordan, yes...and I am so glad you found those pla...Jordan, yes...and I am so glad you found those places of safety.<br /><br />I had that problem with PTSD. It's hard to describe exactly WHY you've got some hard-wired responses to sudden stimuli, and why you can't 'get over it'. Once, working on a construction project, a sudden noise nearly sent me diving off a 40-ft scaffold. When I had recovered and calmed down...a bit...I went over to smite the person responsible for causing that sound without warning.<br /><br />A Viet Nam veteran saw the blood in my eyes; he picked me up bodily and threw me into a truck. Not easy, as I am was then about 5'10" and 200 lbs of solid muscle.<br /><br />Sometimes safety has to take you by the hand, so to speak!<br /><br />Thank you so much for being here and sharing your experiences.Andrewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13230537202427640540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-42241862981260986692015-10-11T19:44:23.896-07:002015-10-11T19:44:23.896-07:00Tara, thank you...I loved the Psalm, too. But as I...Tara, thank you...I loved the Psalm, too. But as II mentioned above, I never really think, "How long, O Lord?"<br /><br />For me, it's "please, give me tomorrow".<br /><br />There have been those who have said I am quite mad; perhaps this is the proof!<br /><br />Thanks for being here, Tara. Your comments always warm my heart.Andrewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13230537202427640540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-1422468159111436182015-10-11T19:42:10.165-07:002015-10-11T19:42:10.165-07:00Bethany, thank you so much. They are indeed a gift...Bethany, thank you so much. They are indeed a gift from God, and like so many of His gifts...they're often taken for granted.<br /><br />By the person for whom they care, by their families, by society...but NEVER by God.<br /><br />Thank you so much for being here!Andrewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13230537202427640540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-84716873454574508102015-10-11T19:40:39.233-07:002015-10-11T19:40:39.233-07:00Tammy, HappyBirthday!!!!!
And thank you for the p...Tammy, HappyBirthday!!!!!<br /><br />And thank you for the psalm. I love it.<br /><br />I never really feel like, "How long, O Lord?" It's a bit surprising to me. My foremost thought is "Please, give me tomorrow."<br /><br />And Jordan, thank you for the Youtube link!Andrewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13230537202427640540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-30602033051110566422015-10-11T13:11:53.982-07:002015-10-11T13:11:53.982-07:00:: brought to my knees ::
I'm the caregiver/s...:: brought to my knees ::<br /><br />I'm the caregiver/spouse who did, in fact, say to her husband that it was incredibly hard to manage everything all on my own all the time. He was my confidant and we talked about EVERYTHING and it never occurred to me that, in that particular case, I should have edited myself.<br /><br />I need to think and pray about this because now, in my second marriage, I am looking at caregiving again. As hard as it was to read this post, I'm glad you wrote it because I so desperately want to do it all better this time.Shelbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07139800635457705142noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-23936246873495592482015-10-11T12:02:59.962-07:002015-10-11T12:02:59.962-07:00I can't imagine how hard all of this is for bo...I can't imagine how hard all of this is for both of you. But to be the one dying and in constant pain and then hearing how hard it is to take care of you would be like kicking a wounded man when he is down. I'm sorry if that's something you've encountered lately, Andrew. It doesn't really take the sting away, but maybe it brings a bit of understanding to a situation that none of us fully comprehends except you. Hang in there, my friend! We are all amazed at your tenacity in the face of continual obstacles and blows. Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13156048755652103073noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-71352826304845118002015-10-10T11:53:48.540-07:002015-10-10T11:53:48.540-07:00I was talking with someone the other day about how...I was talking with someone the other day about how we all would be better friends, spouses, neighbors with counseling. We all have issues to work through! Thank you for bringing that to light - I think many need to hear that wisdom. ~AnnieUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04053000006608094121noreply@blogger.com