Your Dying Spouse 575 - Sometimes You Get Discouraged {FMF}

Now there are four tumours visible on the chest wall, and I wish I were somewhere else. It hurts too much, and the hill will be steeper tomorrow. I don't want to do this any more.

Saw a programme during the night on Trinity Boradcasting, about how we are supposed to use our talents. It kind of set me back. Here, where it's too late to make a difference, I can't say that I did. (The Five Minute Friday prompt this week is where.)

In the end it's all ephemeral,

the stuff I try to write.

not part of the eternal

not fit for Heaven's sight.

I reach for something vital,

my reach is far too short;

I cannot claim the title

of grace, so, thus, abort

pretensions to a grandeur

assumptions of a place

of discourse with the Saviour

when I can't see His face.

Abandon, now, the author's bleat

and quiet, now, the fool's conceit.

(Postscript - added Friday, February 1, 2019)

All the above is true, but it's also so very, very wrong. There's a ind of grace in looking honestly at one's failings, but that grace is only valid when one views them in the light of success, of having done one's best.

It's all about chiaroscuro, the visual interplay where life is defined by light and shadow. Shadow alone is ultimately meaningless, and light alone is, to our eyes, incomprehensible.

And when we get to Heaven

the shadows fall away

and God our eyes will leaven

to partake Eternal Day.

Music from Johnny Mathis, with I'm Coming Home.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.

Your Dying Spouse 574 - Superstition

John Sedgwick, a Union general during the Civil War, is famed for one thing I figure he never wanted.

At the Battle of Spotylvania Courthouse, on May 9, 1864, he was dismayed to see his heaquarters staff ducking to avoid bullets being fired from a thousand yards away. When a subordinate begged him to find cover, Sedgwick said, "They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance!"

And then he was shot in the head.

Superstition's a funny thing. How many of us claim to scorn it, and then step around cracks in the siewalk, or avoid walking under ladders?

Here, it takes the form of my saying (to Barb's horror), "Well, it could be worse."

And then it gets worse.

Granted, it's going to get wore anyway (cancer's kinda irritating, that way), but it's eerie how the statement is usually followed by a sharp setback.

So I don't say it any more. And I carry a rabbit's foot.

Which didn't work out so well for the rabbit.

Just kidding; that's one thing I don't do, but, influenced my the dogs, I do turn around three times before going to bed.

I mean, can't hurt, right?

Hell is now in session here,

and won't be ending soon,

and surcease seems as near

as Burroughs' Mars, Barsoom.

The pain that outlives the night

is worsened by the day,

and tumours of such hideous fright

grow on, without delay.

I wish that I could call a truce,

that I could catch my breath,

but save my words, for what's the use,

I can't move the heart of death.

So I take the pierced hand of He

who offers to share the road with me.

And here, of course, is Stevie Wonder with...yep...Superstition.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.

Your Dying Spouse 573 - Help Arrives

Help arrived last Sunday, on four legs with a big feathery tail.

A neighbourhood dog named Belle (a shepherd mix) turned up; her owners were apparently out of town, and she escaped her yard.

She came to help.

The swelling on my chest wall is a locus of pain, something I really can't describe, and something I would not wish on my worst enemy. It's hideosu.

And Belle knows what to do. At night, she arranges herself as a soft canine heating pad, gently warming the tumour and gently easing my fears.

I borrow courage from her kindness.

God's angels take disparate form

and deftly hide their wings.

We look for tropes, define the norm,

and miss the vital things.

Like Belle, a dog who came to aid

my agony and my pain,

and who against my side laid

soothing tumour's vicious bane.

She was a stranger to this place,

she ran so wild and free,

but something called her to the grace

that bid her rescue me.

And so I do not find it odd

that 'dog' is an anagram of God.

And just for fun, here are The Ventures with Telstar.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.

Your Dying Spouse 572 - The Lump {FMF}

This is the reality. Kind of wish it wasn't, but you now what they say...wherever you go, there you are. Reality isn't convenient, but it's real. (Convenient is the Five Minute Friday writing prompt this week.)

God's got a purpose for all things.

And I'm not Him.

I've got a lump upon my chest

that hurts with every breath.

I'm God's hands, it's for the best

but it's got me scared to death.

I've always been a hard-assed thug

for whom fear's been a stranger

but now I really need a hug

to help me hide from danger.

I've always been the one who's paid

my way through pain, and more,

but today I'm scared, and needing aid

to swim to the fatal shore.

So I ask your arms, though far away

to help me stay afloat this day.

Music from Mandisa, with He Is With You.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.

Your Dying Spouse 571 - Walking The Mystery

Why do bad things happen to good people? Uh, wait...I'm not that good, nor totally bad, and why is this happening to me?

The God I serve, His ways can be

both puzzling and remote.

No respecter of persons, He,

so I will not boast or gloat

of understanding given to

me of His majestic plan;

His influence flows right through

His word to this common man.

I would surely like to know

some answers, hard and fast,

but He’s above, and I’m below

living a mystery He has cast.

So I’ll walk on in hope and faith

and charity; my life is as He saith.

Music from For King And Country, with Shoulders.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.