tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post6274493898679979947..comments2024-03-28T11:09:46.338-07:00Comments on Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart: Your Dying Spouse 96 - ConflictsAndrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13230537202427640540noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-55040124785318375022015-12-23T22:08:03.162-08:002015-12-23T22:08:03.162-08:00Mic Del, thank you for sharing that. It's so e...Mic Del, thank you for sharing that. It's so easy to be hurtful, and to immediately regret it...and so wonderful to have a wife who GETS it, and who is just as quick to forgive.<br /><br />Thank you so much for being here, and I hope you and your wife have a wonderful Christmas!Andrewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13230537202427640540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-9907041266457902412015-12-23T22:05:23.870-08:002015-12-23T22:05:23.870-08:00Tammy, yes. Hurting people DO hurt people.
Forgiv...Tammy, yes. Hurting people DO hurt people.<br /><br />Forgiving myself was hard...and overcoming the pride that made me exaggerate the 'consequences', in terms of loss of self-respect and self-trust...that was harder.<br /><br />It's just a matter of turning from the dark side (which was, I see now, exacerbated by having to take more pain meds on that day...three times the normal amount) and set my feet on the path of kindness...and even if irritated (which does happen in any marriage) thinking before talking. And then keeping my mouth shut.<br /><br />Thank you for being here my friend, and I wish you the happiest of Christmases!Andrewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13230537202427640540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-59661209120180016432015-12-23T22:00:36.335-08:002015-12-23T22:00:36.335-08:00Shelli, thank you so much. It's better now, th...Shelli, thank you so much. It's better now, though it was a hard, hard week. One thing that God has shown me is that when I beat myself up, I still end up beating on the people around me...and for me to extend the needed grace, it first has to be offered to myself...and I have to accept it.<br /><br />Hard to do, when pride gets in the way.<br /><br />Thank you so much for being here, Shelli. You are a constant inspiration to me.Andrewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13230537202427640540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-66437509338923341192015-12-23T21:58:26.143-08:002015-12-23T21:58:26.143-08:00Janet, thank you! When I wrote this post, I sure d...Janet, thank you! When I wrote this post, I sure didn't feel wise. In retrospect, what I said was 'human', and not directed at barbara at all...but she was still the recipient. And she still was hurt.<br /><br />But the pain is passing, through her grace in forgiving, and through God's grace in helping me see that I can be better, even though I may stumble.<br /><br />Thank you so much for being here, and for your prayers and friendship.Andrewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13230537202427640540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-83734279058554923962015-12-23T21:56:21.679-08:002015-12-23T21:56:21.679-08:00Wise words, Barbara. The words are really aimed at...Wise words, Barbara. The words are really aimed at illness and circumstance, but they DO hurt, and that hurt can't be denied. Apologies are necessary, but they don't undo the damage. Only time and better manners do that.<br /><br />Thank you so much for the kind thoughts and prayers, and for being here to share this journey...and for the sharing of your own experiences.Andrewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13230537202427640540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-68243129751590723172015-12-23T21:54:07.201-08:002015-12-23T21:54:07.201-08:00Kim, you said this perfectly. We re called to forg...Kim, you said this perfectly. We re called to forgiveness...of others, and of ourselves.<br /><br />It's true that we have to live with the consequences of actions and words, but so much of that consequence IS caused by lack of forgiveness...and, again, much by not forgiving ourselves. I am guilty of that.<br /><br />Thank you for being here!Andrewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13230537202427640540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-36149870621124113402015-12-23T21:52:34.515-08:002015-12-23T21:52:34.515-08:00Michele, that's a perfect way to put it...we s...Michele, that's a perfect way to put it...we should keep short accounts. It's hard to do, and requires intentionality for both people. But it's worth it.<br /><br />Thank you so much for being here!Andrewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13230537202427640540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-82960966916157197222015-12-23T21:51:27.386-08:002015-12-23T21:51:27.386-08:00It is a tough one, Lisa, and the prime directive i...It is a tough one, Lisa, and the prime directive is to avoid the anger, impatience...and yes, cruelty. First, because there's no excuse, and second, because those behaviours do...at least in the short run...overwhelm years of good memories.<br /><br />In time, the good memories do return, but since I won't be there for that, I absolutely HAVE to be better.<br /><br />Thank you so much for being here. Your presence, and your comments, mean a lot to me.Andrewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13230537202427640540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-69532005901535314772015-12-22T14:59:09.790-08:002015-12-22T14:59:09.790-08:00Last night while shopping for Christmas gifts I sn...Last night while shopping for Christmas gifts I snapped at my wife. It took about 3 seconds. I hurt her, and I felt terrible. When we were first married that would have been a 3 day offense. Now, she almost instantly forgave me, and in a few minutes I apologized. We had dinner and enjoyed our ride home together. I so appreciate my wife's ability to forgive bad behavior on my part. I was tired and frustrated and just lost it. Fortunately, our relationship was quickly healed and we grew in understanding. I have to be more careful during this stressful time of the year. Thanks for your post. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08755814205193684111noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-47298057045536895062015-12-22T13:55:11.555-08:002015-12-22T13:55:11.555-08:00"Hurting people hurt people."
Praying yo..."Hurting people hurt people."<br />Praying you will forgive yourself and that you will find small ways to give Barbara the gift of thankfulness for Christmas.<br />Thank you for loving me when I don't smell good or look good or hug well or sound nice. When I offend your senses temporarily, thank you for loving me-the eternal me.<br />Even in health, our bodies are dying and offensive.<br />Thank you for sharing the difficulty of graciousness, Andrew. You are ensuring that your legacy is one of an imperfect man saved by a perfect God. The pictures of grace are always brighter when we share them in contrast to our still darkened humanity.<br />Merry Christmas to you and Barbara!!<br />~Tammy Tammysincerityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16959015797818229243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-86895410720044007862015-12-22T09:03:59.121-08:002015-12-22T09:03:59.121-08:00Andrew ... it will happen. When we don't feel ...Andrew ... it will happen. When we don't feel good ... that's the hardest time to control our feelings. Our words. Don't beat yourself up. You're going through enough. I'll be thinking of you through this Christmas season ... thinking about your dogs ... wondering if you'll give them treats on Christmas Day? ;) The girls always get our cats treats on Christmas. Love and forgive yourself. Please!! I can't stand the thought of you being upset at yourself, with all that you're already going through. Shelli Littletonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00136640834514348086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-62071958591204451132015-12-21T12:45:49.625-08:002015-12-21T12:45:49.625-08:00Andrew, you are a wise man, and I don't mean o...Andrew, you are a wise man, and I don't mean one of the Magi. ;-)Janet Ann Collinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13234310280477491538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-1140203647997136462015-12-21T12:36:03.940-08:002015-12-21T12:36:03.940-08:00Great words to remember whichever "side"...Great words to remember whichever "side" you're on, the caregiver or the "patient"...words hurt!! That is the bottom line...words HURT bad! Thank you for your words of "wisdom" coming from one who let those words FLY...I do that often; perhaps too often! My husband does that, too; only he very seldom apologizes...in fact, he very seldom remembers what he has said. And if I bring it back up later, he denies those words and will not apologize, and often turns it all around to MY fault...maybe it was; maybe it wasn't! But, I've gotten used to something that isn't aimed at ME per se, but at the disease or the illness or the dementia or hearing or the whatever. This I know and should avoid the conflict as much as I can...<br /><br />As usual, your words hit right at home; and I appreciate reading them...blessings and hugs and prayers for you and Barbara! Good that you both can apologize and accept the apologies of the other!!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16954512718777249848noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-16429306000960793872015-12-21T11:33:14.372-08:002015-12-21T11:33:14.372-08:00Andrew, YES. After all, we are called to love and ...Andrew, YES. After all, we are called to love and to forgive, and in doing so He is perfecting us. ❤🌲Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11095272703996765890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-76755081131921318662015-12-21T09:30:17.941-08:002015-12-21T09:30:17.941-08:00Words of wisdom from your life in the REAL real wo...Words of wisdom from your life in the REAL real world. Thanks, Andrew, for giving me an appreciation for the truth that no matter how many days we have left together, spouses should keep short accounts with one another.Michele Morinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03814119096056835884noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4095822388315899381.post-59016440164929268952015-12-21T06:54:23.664-08:002015-12-21T06:54:23.664-08:00Wow. This is a complex issue, Andrew. I see your p...Wow. This is a complex issue, Andrew. I see your point: On one hand, don't let your loved one die being cruel, being someone they don't want to be, because time is short. On the other hand, even if they DO die being cruel, the caregiver won't remember that as who they really were. Hopefully they'll understand the strain. They have a whole lifetime of memories to draw upon, not just the last few months. <br /><br />When there's not much future left together, perhaps the past can count as more? I don't know. Just praying God fills in all the gaps. Keep hanging in there.Lisa notes...https://www.blogger.com/profile/07103364395238899215noreply@blogger.com