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Thursday, January 4, 2018

Your Dying Spouse 438 - No Hope But This {FMF}

There's no hope now, but there is this (and I'm too trashed to do more than lift a comment I left on another blog, sorry). It's the best I have, and all I have.

"I’m finding that for me, success equates to discipline, because that’s what keeps hope alive in one’s darker hours. Getting pneumonia over the Christmas holidays, on top of everything else, I’m in no little danger, and things are so unpleasant (putting it mildly) that it’s easy to feel abandoned by God, and to metaphorically fold my arms and just stop…stop writing, stop caring, stop nurturing the hope that there may yet be hope.
"That way leads down a path from which, eventually, there’s no return, because it leads to a magnetically false God, one whose promises are cherry-picked and whose fell warnings are cast aside, and in whose inevitable failure is the seed of faith’s destruction, hope’s abnegation, and the withering of love.
"So success is holding tight to where I am, writing when I don’t want to write (like right now), forcing myself to keep caring because I cared once, and choosing faith, not because it ‘works’ but because it’s only truly defined by the chiaroscuro of pain’s deep shadow." (This originally appeared as a comment on the Steve Laube Agency blog, For The New Year: Define Success)

I'm sorry that I have been unresponsive to comments, both on the blog and on Facebook. I'll try to do better, but just writing a few sentences is exhausting now.

The Impossible Dream and the final scene from Man Of La Mancha are the accompaniment. Hope you don't think it kind of self-serving; I just like the song.


If you're interested, you can find Andrew's books on Amazon.

31 comments:

  1. Andrew - I love you. I am so, so glad that God made us friends, even across the miles and through the internet. I'm in your corner tonight, praying that you sense His hand upon you.

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  2. Andrew I love you brother and I'm so grateful God made us friends albeit long distance. Not sure the whole 2020 thing is going to work out but I promise you this, I'll meet Barb and check in on her for you. You've seen the Light so I know you're ready. Look up my mom shell make you a good cuppa heavenly tea and she'll make you laugh. See you in the morning bro. XOXO

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  3. Oh dear friend you have hope that many in this world don't have! You have fought valiantly, seen beauty in the barmaid and given your Sancho's a different perspective. Love you!

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  4. I love you, dear sweet friend. You have truly been a blessing in my life. I have no doubt you were sent to me straight from God himself. Though the miles may separate us, there is no distance in the spirit. So imagine me there sitting beside you, holding your hand and standing in the gap prayerfully fighting for you my friend.

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  5. Ahhhh, my friend. I continue to pray for you and Barb. You have no idea the impact your words have on those who read them. I can only imagine what it will be like if (when?) God shows you how your life has impacted others so deeply.

    And this definition of faith you shared from Steve Laube's blog: ""So success is holding tight to where I am, writing when I don’t want to write (like right now), forcing myself to keep caring because I cared once, and choosing faith, not because it ‘works’ but because it’s only truly defined by the chiaroscuro of pain’s deep shadow."

    True. It is pain that reveals the depth of our faith, our belief in a God who cares. As someone else mentioned. I continue to pray that you will sense His peace with you tonight. That His hand might bring you comfort in a tangible way.

    Love you, friend.

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  6. Dear Andrew & Barb: One of my favorite stories is from 2 Kings 6, where Elisha and his servant are surrounded by the enemy, and the servant is (understandably!) panicking. Then Elisha prays, and the servant's eyes are opened to see the massive, fiery army of God. Lately each time I think of and pray for you two, this story--combined with the Hebrews 11 cloud of witnesses--have come to mind. Reading the comments of your friends and family makes it clear time and again just how dearly loved you are by so very many. How blessed I myself have been, just in the reading of your testimony and theirs! Thank you for your continued honesty, and for continuing to invite us into your journey.

    Today that's my specific prayer for you, that you too would see in your heart of hearts this great cloud of witnesses, the fiery army of faithful, loving warriors surrounding you. May their love be so real, so tangible, that you can feel the very warmth of their breath. May the songs of the angels ring in your ears and flood your soul with the joyous, death-killing victory cry of Jesus.

    And thank you for sharing this clip--I'm embarrassed to say it's a musical I've never seen! I'll have to remedy that shortly. It's a soaring, wonderful song, a true pleasure to listen to. Thank you.

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  7. Sending love and prayers and grace to you and Barb.

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  8. Andrew, I am so grateful God saw fit to bring you to this group and cross our paths. I am praying for you & Barb today. Thank you for being a light even in the midst of such pain. Thank you for showing us all how to fight in the strength of the Lord. May our Lord continue to hold you and give you His peace. Praying!

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  9. Andrew, I thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when I pray for you because of your faith in Christ Jesus and the love you have for all God's people,
    the faith and love that spring from the hope stored up for you in heaven.(Colossians 1:3-5, modified). You are that encouraging light that points to a life well-lived for Christ, always holding on to hope, always encouraging others. Prayers for you and Barb.

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  10. Andrew, as always your words are inspiring. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Praying for you and Barbara!

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  11. Thank you for your dedication and consistency, Andrew! I so appreciate you showing up, even when it's too hard.

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  12. You Andrew are not a failure by any sense of the word. It is our heart before God, the blood that paid for our sin, the hope that is unrecognizeable to us...it is not in the doing, though we do what we can, but it is in knowing that we have trusted in Jesus Christ. Done!!! That you can write one word on the page and share it with so many, who you do know, and many more perhaps you have never known is huge. You are an inspiration and motivator! Prayers for you. There is still hope an you haven't begun to see it yet fulfilled, but you will! Written nothing yet.

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  13. Thank you for sharing what you can. Your perseverance and determination is quite inspiring. I am praying for you today. May God give peace and strength in these very hard days.

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  14. I just bought a copy of "Blessed Are the Pure In Heart." And I didn't notice until after I'd bought it, but look--! right there in the description! warrior angel.

    Another day is here. Prayers, impossible dreams, and warrior angels all here with you!

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  15. I won't stop praying for you, and for Barbara.

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  16. Andrew, I'm so glad you've been a part of my life in this FMF community! You have been such and encourager and inspirer despite your ongoing pain and suffering. You've set a good example for us. I pray for you and Barb, for comfort, strength, healing and grace to get you through each day. Hugs to both of you! By the way, I read your book Blessed are the Pure of Heart and I loved it! Will try to leave a review soon.

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  17. I'm so glad you haven't stopped friend. Love you so much! Continually praying!

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  18. Hey, Andrew. I don't always make it over here to comment, but I read and pray when your posts hit my e-box. You are a shining example of what it is to live in and point to the light. Your words give me courage and hope.

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  19. Still holding you up in prayer, Andrew. Conserve your energy for letting us know how you're doing day-to-day here. We all understand when you don't comment. You've gone out of your way on more than one occasion for me, at least. And I'm sure your generosity has not stopped with me. Everyone here shows their care, concern and dedication to pray for you, my friend, whether you give to us or not!

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  20. I like the song too. Are you a theater person as well? It appears you have many admirers and followers and will be missed. It is an honorable and blessed way to go "off stage." Just curious, is there one thing you wished you had done or could do over? These websites can be interesting, but also a tiny way to get to know someone and who they really are. Sorry about the pneumonia. Hope you were able to reach the unreachable. Being loved so, at least, got you to a few sparkling stars. Many blessings in the world of beautiful clouds, rainbows, and memorable angels.

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  21. andrew, sorry to hear you have been sicker:( didn't think that was possible! praying for you in these hard days.

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  22. Andrew, it has been so long since I have been here, but you have been in my prayers. I pray for you and Barbara now. Strength for you both. Thank you for all that you give. You give so much. God bless you.

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  23. Andrew, I don't know what to say that I've not said already. I care. I hope it gets better. I will miss you. I've appreciated your writings and you as a friend. Much prayer.

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  24. Thank you, Andrew, for posting this. Stay the course. You have blessed your readers for allowing us to peek behind the curtain and witness your tenacious faith through incredible trial and suffering. Lifting you and your wife up in prayer.

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  25. Thank you for your courage and faith in the midst of the storm

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  26. Hugs to you my friend. Prayers surround you with His spirit.

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  27. Here is the final chapter, Andrew. You have set the characters up so well, except you were surprised to discover that you were the scribe, not the Author. And then you found relief (reluctantly at first) in surrender to His story.
    The longer you have lived, the more you have shone. Similar to a rock entering the atmosphere, you are getting brighter and brighter like a shooting star.
    It has been a real joy to watch Your transformation, Andrew. His work in your life is so evident!
    We are praying peace and not fear for you.
    Love,
    Tammy

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  28. Andrew,
    God linked me up next to you and has called me to pray for you right now. Lifting you up in prayer and praying for God's peace and comfort to surround you and hold you close.
    Blessings,
    Bev xx

    ps. "I will not leave you comfortless; I will come to you." (John 14:18)

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  29. Holding tight to where I am - that is a great goal and exhibits a trust in God that CANNOT lead you wrong.
    Prayers!

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  30. I think lifting a comment you left elsewhere and putting it front and center in your online home is smart writing!

    I hope that today finds you with some strength, some joy, some peace. I join all your fans in prayer for you, for Barbara, friend ...

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