Why we're here...

Love and marriage are the greatest adventures in life, and they point they way to our relationship with the Almighty.

We're honored to be a member of the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association...click on their logo to visit them.

undefined

Thursday, October 27, 2016

Your Dying Spouse 225 - Not Worth Keeping Me Alive {FMF}

Back again with Five Minute Friday, a timed and keyword-driven writing challenge hosted by Kate (The Great!) Motaung.

But first, an update - yesterday Barbara won the Halloween Costume Contest at work, dressed as WW2's Rosie The Riveter. Here's a picture - she really nailed it! (Look at the contemporary poster at top right for comparison.)




The keyword this week is EAT. I don't do much of that, but the word's in there, boldface and italic. It'll have to do. I'm too tired and depressed to weave more around it.

Once again, circumstance force me to write ahead, but I am hewing to the five-minute time limit, and will try to work in the word when it's revealed. This one's gonna be a challenge...

I don't have health insurance. I can afford to be sick, but I can't afford even pallative care.

There are things that could make life easier, Under a gastroenterologist's care we could try combinations of pain meds and pancreatic enzymes. They might help, even though they haven't in the past. And there is the Whipple Procedure, a really nasty operation that could be a life-extender. Only a couple of places in the country even perform it.

But those are fairy tales for me.

My wife works; I can't. Her income (which I won't reveal) gives me the rock-bottom Affordable Health Care Act ('Obamacare') plan which would cost $179.38 per month (with a subsidy). We can't afford that and keep our house, pay the utility and insurance bills, and eat. We have no savings; those were burned up when I lost my career and my wife started building hers. And then there was Chapter 7 bankruptcy.

One might say, 'well, you can always tighten your belts...but to what end? The details of the plan include a deductible of $6650, with an 'estimated yearly cost' of  $4708'. That is, a cost of $392 per month. If we can't do the deductible, how can we bring together $392 per month?

You see, test and imaging (x-rays, CAT scans, and endoscopies) are not covered until the deductible is me. I can't even afford to find out if I am a candidate for Whipple.

But wait, there's more...after the deductible is met, an ER visit would cost $350. (An ER visit could be a lifesaver, as pain-induced shock kills most people with pancreatic issues.)

After the deductible is met, a specialist office visit would have an $80 copay. Before the deductible? For a specialist? Last time I went to a pain specialist the charge was over $200. That was in 2012.

Generic drugs are $33. The meds that could help me are non-generic. A coupe of years ago a bottle of pancreatic enzyme pills cost $600...one month's worth. Now?

The one bright spot is that a primary care MD visit is $35. That's against his regular cost of $70 for self-pay, so if I saw him, say, twice a week, I'd break even on the premiums. We could chat, anyway. Wouldn't be able to afford anything else.

I suppose the Powers That Be assume that one should have a credit card or two with a high limit, to take care of these things...or take out a home equity loan. Having gone through bankruptcy, that's not an option. No rich friends, either.

In the end, the message I get is that I'm not worth keeping pain-free, or even alive. And yeah, I rather resent this, given the fact that the plans pay for suchlike as Viagra, and that the administration is pressing insurers to fund sex-change operations. The money's got to come from somewhere.

I'm not asking for sympathy, and I'm certainly not going to start a GoFundMe page. But I will ask you to consider, when you vote, what's on offer. My story's not the only similar one out there.

Oh, and did I mention this? That if I choose to partake of physician-assisted suicide, all my expenses will be covered! (I'm not alone; click here to read a more poignant story.)

If that isn't a message I don't know what is.

Marley update...he's in danger from the county authorities and NEEDS HELP TO BE SAVED.

WE ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE!

He's up over 200,000 signatures, but the local authorities are now actively planning to kill him. They've removed him from the official ownership of his family. They think that we'll give up and go away. We won't.

If you have a moment, I'd like to ask you to visit Change.org to consider a petition to free a 'death row dog' who has been separated from his family for ten months over a misunderstanding. Marley was saved from Afghanistan by a US serviceman; please help make sure this story doesn't end in needless tragedy! Marley's gotten a lot of support...but he still needs our help.


If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.






49 comments:

  1. Andrew, we all love you... I hope you KNOW that. Now go start a GoFundMe page. Maybe it won't raise much, but even if you get a bottle of pain meds it would be worth it. I hate to use the word "humble" because you are very humble in your honesty and have been since you joined us at FMFParty, but seriously, humble yourself once again and trust that God will take care of the rest. (((hugs))) and much love dear friend!! Oh and Barbara, she totally rocked the costume!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Marisa, thanks so much...and yeah, I do need to humble myself to the point in question.

      I'll pass on your comment to Barb - thank you so much for being here!

      Delete
    2. I'm with Marisa. Do the go-fund-me thing! You have friends who would fund you!

      Delete
    3. Anita, it's on Barb's to-do list. It's beyond me now. Thank you so much!

      Delete
  2. Andrew, what can I say? Sometimes the Powers That Be have their priorities WAY out of whack. And for that, I'm sorry. It's unfair and unjust. To place a higher priority on ending a life than on valuing one? There's just something wrong with that.

    That said, please know how much you are VALUED. I've said it before. You are an inspiration by the way you live out each day.

    I'm praying for you and your Rosie-the-Riveter wife. ;) Love those pictures, by the way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jeanne, thank you so much for this. The Powers That Be really, truly suck. Their priorities are with their own interests, and their own ideology.

      The prayers are truly appreciated, and I'll pass on your comments to Rosie!

      Delete
  3. Hi Andrew, I love Barbara's costume! Perfect! I feel your pain about insurance. My insurance is in the same boat as your's. But, I'm grateful just to be here. Know that you're valued and special in spite of it all!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bonnie, thank you so much! I'll let Barb know you love her costume.

      Insurance is kind of awful in these days of the 'Affordable Health Care Act' (do you hear me laughing?) but I am glad to be here too.

      I so appreciate your words, and I appreciate you.

      Delete
  4. I loathe the expression "it sucks" but sometimes it's the only one that works, The Healthcare Act under Obama is horrendous. It sucks. His whole presidency has and I pray. I pray. I pray. that Americans are so fed up that they get their voice heard and do away with it. A vote for HRC is only a vote for four more years of Obama or WORSE. Trump isn't my first choice but I sure do like the people around him and I actually believe he will do what he is saying he will do. And, did you even hear that Bill Clinton said Obamacare was the stupidest thing ever? He did on national TV - it's insane.
    See...I can't even talk about this stuff. I have serious political anger issues. BARB LOOKS FAB. Tell her so.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Susan, I completely agree with you politically. Obama has done more harm to this country in more areas than I would care to list - it's too darn depressing.

      And I told Barb what you said - she's delighted! Thank you so much!

      Delete
  5. Agree, Andrew. Healthcare is anything BUT affordable, and the message given is just as you said, that life is not valued. Praying that you find peace in the midst of this journey you are on. Remember, God is by your side. HE will never leave you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Anne. Since I wrote this post I had the basic message reinforced from another direction - one that I can't describe as it's still in process - but God is in control, and I trust Him.

      Thank you so much for being here!

      Delete
  6. Do try a go fund me page, or ask Barbara so set one up for you. It can't do any harm and might help. And don't even think of committing suicide. That would hurt everyone who knows you, including us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I won't kill myself, Jan...it's just not in my nature. For exactly the reason you give - because it would hurt too many people...and hurting ONE person is already far too many.

      I will look into the GoFundMe option. Humility should trump pride.

      Thanks so much for being here!

      Delete
  7. Andrew, I have to agree with what Susan said above...it sucks! It sucks BAD...for those who cannot afford to go to the doctor or hospital, or even for the meds that may keep them alive, or pain-free - somewhat?! No, it sucks BAD! I'm not much into politics and how all this Obamacare stuff works; but I know it's caused a lot of grief for my children; some even without insurance now because they can't afford it. And, with children, you really do need to have it, at least SOME for emergencies; but then...the expenses that have to come out-of-pocket even before the deductibles. I can't say any more...

    But, don't let whatever around you keep you thinking that you are not worth keeping...it is totally the opposite. Though you may feel useless; look around at all of these people that follow your blog(s), that respond to you, that are praying for you...and that wonderful wife and those awesome dogs...It hurts my heart to hear all of these issues that you are worrying over; yet, what else is there to do?!

    Lean on your friends, if not leaning on HIM! We are here; HE is here...FOR YOU!! Hugs and Prayers and...keep on fighting the GOOD FIGHT, Andrew!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Barbara, thank you so much for this. The community of loving friends I have found online is the largest part of what keeps me going. (My wife says there is also the he-is-too-mean-to-die factor.)

      And yes, He is here. Since I wrote this post, I got another "you're worthless!" message, and God kind of blotted it out with His quiet support.

      Thank you so much for being here!

      Delete
  8. First of all I love Barbara's costume! World War Two is my favorite time period.
    Obamacare, there is no other name for it, is down right awful. It is sad to see so many people enslaved to it. I am going with Marisa on this one. Get that gofundme page.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kristina, before I got too sick I actually 'worked in WW2', restoring aeroplanes from that time period. Learning fabrication techniques that had been forgotten was a blast.

      And yes, Obamacare is terrible. Also, the requirement for electronic medical records...my doctor's a great guy, but I talk to his back while he enters stuff in the computer. Ugh.

      And I will look at having Barb set up a GoFundMe. I don't have the energy, but if I ask nicely...

      Delete
  9. It really is awful that health care has to be so expensive. We can't afford insurance either. When my youngest son turned 19 they cut his Medicaid coverage down to one thing. Family planning!!!!! Can you believe it? I'm sure you can. Their priorities are so wrong when assisted suicide is covered! Where is the respect for ALL human life? God certainly has a purpose for each of us and I'm so glad to have "met" you. You are such an inspiration! Oh, and Barb looks great! She really did nail the costume! :) Blessings to you and Barb!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gayl, actually, yes, I can believe it...because I qualify for family planning on Medicaid! It's rather hysterically funny, because Barb is a cancer survivor (had a hysterectomy) and anyone seeing me would fall down laughing at the thought.

      The priorities are totally messed up. I think it's deliberate; I think the Powers In Charge Now want to turn assisted suicide into encouraged suicide...and then forced suicide for those they deem unworthy of care.

      I mean, they want to fund partial-birth third-trimester abortions, so why not go further?

      I'll pass on your comments to Barb. Thank you so much!

      Delete
  10. I'm sad how healthcare has become what it has, especially for wonderful people like yourself you cannot work. It breaks my heart. I'm praying. I know God hears, but I wish I could do more. (Maybe go start that GoFundMe page??) Love Barb's costume. Absolutely love it! I'm so glad you shared it here. I believe in you, brother!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Julie, thank you so much - you should know that your writing is always an inspiration for me, and that there are days when you have given me the hope to keep going.

      Yes, healthcare's a mess. To be fair, it was bad before, but in the last eight years under Obama it's become a disaster. Makes one cynical, and that's never good.

      The GoFundMe is an option, but I'll have to put it in Barb's hands. I'm pretty much out of mental and physical energy.

      I'll tell her you love her costume. She worked hard on it, and she'll be thrilled.

      Thank you so much for being here, Julie!

      Delete
  11. this whole medical care coverage is a nightmare. hopefully, the republicans will have enough power this time to be listened to. i have been praying for truth to be revealed since there are many negatives on each side. seems some more are starting to come to light this afternoon...don't know. i have no desire to see our country thrown into a mess, but i don't like seeing people keep lying and getting away with it. for any on either side of the aisle, i want to see lies uncovered. i know god can work to do that in strange ways that we can't. He can work to bring righteousness and justice to people who need it as well. i don't know what it will look like, but i would love to see some of that start to happen. we will all have to change the way we are doing our lives i suspect.

    btw, i love your wife's version of rosie the riveter:) she did a great job!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Martha, first, I will pass on your appreciation of Barbara's costume. She really worked hard on getting it right.

      I think God is working in these final days before the election, bringing to light the true cost of the last eight years of really dreadful leadership. Today (Friday the 28th) I am firmly convinced that he made the scales drop from the eyes of certain people in the FBI with the need for a reopening of the investigation into HRC.

      I don't despair for our country, not yet. God still cares.

      So glad you are here!

      Delete
  12. It is so sad that the message that comes across is that life is not valued. Know that you are valued here. Praying for you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lesley, thank you so much. Without this community I would be lost indeed. I so appreciate the prayers!

      Delete
  13. Andrew, I am sorry for your situation. I also have severe financial problems along with marriage problems. This world is not our home. We are passing through. We are here for a purpose and then in heaven for eternity. I understand the thought of suicide. Been there. You may sense no purpose in your life but God sees every detail. You are being a blessing to all who read your posts, at the very least. Sometimes we get the most help from those we have never met. God hears every prayer, every motive, every tea. Don't give up. Taste and see that the Lord is good!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mary, thank you so much for this...I am so grateful for this brave, kind, and loving comment.

      Yesterday I got another official "you're worthless!" (can't describe it as there is an ongoing process), but God is still good, and there is always His plan. I won't give up.

      And I will be praying for you, my friend.

      Delete
  14. Barbara did nail her Halloween costume. It is sad how money can impact our lives in good and bad ways. I'm over in the 42 spot this week.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tara, I will let Barb know - thanks!

      And yes, money is treacherous. Very.

      Thanks for being here!

      Delete
  15. Andrew, I'm sorry to hear of your health insurance woes. I hope things will change for the better after the election.

    And Barbara looks exactly like Rosie the Riveter! Adorable!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gina, I will let barbara know - thanks! She put a lot of effort into the costume, and it means a lot to her.

      I hope things will change, after the election too. I am praying for that.

      Thanks so much for being here!

      Delete
  16. This is outrageous. So sorry it is this way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Norma, thank you. It is outrageous (and more outrage came after writing this post...another "you're worthless!" message.

      But God is in control, and He has the final say.

      Delete
  17. You are strong and your honesty with your situation is appreciated. I do hope you start that GoFundMe page. Meanwhile, I have to say that your wife's costume rocks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Carrie, I passed on your comment to Barbara, and she lit up. Thank you so much!

      And I appreciate your kind comments about my position...and a GoFundMe is definitely being considered. Time to set aside my pride.

      Thanks so much for being here!

      Delete
  18. This life brings so many twists and turns, hurts, and inconsistencies that some days its hard to see past it all. I have read some things here today that have shown me that once again. I do hope, however, that you can feel God's love through the outpour of encouragement you continue to receive here(from "complete strangers" all around the world) who stand together united under the covering of His cross.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tondra, the embrace of God, through all of my ind and loving friends in this community...it's the main thing that keeps me going. I cannot imagine what life would be otherwise.

      Thank you so much for stopping by. I truly appreciate you.

      Delete
  19. Happy national cat day!
    I know, I know, you're more of a dog person.

    I am pretty sure that we are equally delighted to have a change of heart from the FBI director.

    This is the chatter that silly persons like myself bring up when we visit friends in pain. Neither of us want to talk about the pain so we pick other things. We could talk about baseball.

    Or we could just watch the night sky and listen to the coyotes howl at the moon.

    Those who have suffered much have a depth of strength that others cannot fathom...and a capacity for compassion that has been etched and carved quite unfairly it seems within them.
    Therein lies a most marvelous chasm that when filled with the outpouring of God's glory and goodness causes them to become holy vessels indeed.

    You are a marvelous vessel, Andrew. Know that the light coming out of you is very brilliant indeed!
    -Tammy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tammy, thank you for this...your words are golden. Truly. And you're never silly except when it's the right thing to do, to be silly. I suspect Jesus cracked some really lame jokes from time to time.

      And seriously, I am really overwhelmed and supremely honoured. Thank you so much. I'll keep going.

      And I actually am a cat person, too...we have a couple of housecats, and feral cats think of me as a long-lost brother.

      Love from Barb and me

      Delete
    2. :) "I thought I could, I thought I could, I thought I could..."

      Delete
  20. You are not the first person I've heard tell the reality of Obamacare. Our system is very unfair. I don't know what else to say. I hear of advertisements on the radio for Christian health care plans where everyone that joins in, shares the expenses of everyone else in the plan. I don't know of anyone personally though who uses it. One day at a time. May God strengthen and provide. blessings to you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Leigh, thank you so much for joining the conversation, and with such an interesting possibility! A Christian plan may really be the light at the end of the tunnel.

      Great thoughts!

      Delete
    2. My husband and I are members of Samaritan Ministries International, http://samaritanministries.org.

      It's a great plan and it allows you to opt out of Obamacare without getting fined.

      Delete
  21. Andrew: I'm sorry you have to go through life like this. I believe the gov't and laws have everything out of perspective in regards to healthcare. I don't see sex change operations and sexual dysfunction drugs are more important than one's overall health.

    People are bleeding hearts for underdogs that don't really have any bearing on the grand scheme of things.

    I'll be praying for you.

    I haven't posted my FMF post yet this week. Long story why. I'll spare you the details, you have enough on your plate without adding mine to your plate too.
    http://awifesreflections.wordpress.com/write-31-days (I have my write 31 days posts up. You can read one of those if you like.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kimberly, thank you so much for the link to the Samaritan Ministries health insurance. Going there after I rely.

      I'll look forward to reading your next post; there is never to much on my plate to keep me praying for a friend.

      My life isn't about me; it's about my arms, and the hugs they can still give.

      Delete
  22. Since my surgery, I have been thankful for pain meds. I'm getting to the place where otc is workable (I'm especially glad to have a mother-in-law who knows the max on otc meds I can take). Still, pain sucks. And not being able to get relief is maddening. I am super sorry you are in pain. Knowing you are in pain, I will pray as God brings you to mind. (Pain might be my prompt right now.)

    I'm with you on the health insurance craziness. There's got to be a better solution. Not being part of the "powers that be," I have no weight in making a change. I so wish I could help you get some help. I agree with the others that recommend a go fund me way of raising support. Another reason to go that way is to raise awareness of the chaos our health insurance policies are in and how it affects real people. Medically necessary medicines and assistance should be available (attainable?) for everyone.

    As it is, I don't know what we are going to do for medical insurance next year. How is it possible for us to make too much money for free health care but not enough to get a break to afford Obamacare?

    Thanks for sharing the pics of Barbara. She rocked the costume. I wasn't too creative this year and broke out my old high school cap and gown. (What other reason do I have to wear it?) It worked, but I doubt it'd win any awards.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hi my friend. Been so busy this week I haven't been able to visit and comment at all. Last minute but I'm glad I didn't miss your post.
    1. GoFundMe is wonderful and terrible at the same time, cuz it feels super vulnerable... but it unlocks God's provision through His people. We had to do it this year for our girl's school fees. God got her to Australia (Hillsong College) and half her year paid, and then we needed to trust Him for the rest. Thus, GoFundMe. Just do it! Humility never hurt anyone for real.
    2. As Canadians living in South Africa, we watch and we listen, but we have no other course of action in this election than to pray for our dear American friends. And we truly are!
    Father, let your Kingdom come, your will be done!
    3. DONT QUIT. We love having you here! Even if it's just for the spunky wife of yours that keeps us inspired... If she can handle her crazy husband, surely I can handle mine!😜

    ReplyDelete