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Sunday, March 13, 2016

Your Dying Spouse 129 - The Morning Of The World

I am writing this on the evening of Sunday, March 13, 2016.

Yesterday, Saturday, March 12, I came near enough to death. (and so...please excuse my delay in relying to comments!)

Barbara had the flu all week, as did I, and I pushed hard to take care of her so she could return to work tomorrow. She's needed, and I am, bluntly, expendable.

And almost lived up to it, as I completely collapsed, bleeding out. We got it stabilized, but the situation was ugly. I needed to be hospitalized, but there is no insurance, and no money for self-pay.

Such is The Affordable Care Act. Our penalty for not being able to play would buy a couple months' worth of pain meds. If I survive to vote, that will be on my mind.

But I digress.

I survived a bad, bad night, and this morning was like the first morning of the world for me.

Colours were brighter, and birdsong sweeter than anything AC/DC ever recorded.

The air had a taste...the taste of life.

I am very, very glad to be here.

I feel rather like a different person; things that galled me before are hard to recall with any seriousness, and there is a hopefulness that I have not felt for a long, long time.

It doesn't come from "Wow, I might be cured!" That's not the case. I am in worse shape than before. The 'new normal' of pain has torqued a few more notches into 'dreadful'. And my diet is now, literally, bread and water. It's all I can face.

But there is the green shoot of hope, and while I don't know what it represents, I will water it, and tend it carefully.

It is The Morning Of The World. And I will enjoy every sunray, every zephyr, every paean of freshness.

Join me, won't you?

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

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  1. I join you in enjoying this day. Death does open your eyes to the richness of colors and the sweetness of song birds. Those were things I noticed after Joe's passing. Sending prayers of healing and comfort to you and Barbara.

    1. Michele, thank you so much...it is certainly an unusual experience, but the brightness is a welcome one.

      And we truly appreciate the prayers!

  2. Lifting you and Barbara up in prayer, Andrew. May you feel the presence of the God of green hope throughout your day.

    1. Anita, thank you...and we love the expression, The God Of Green Hope!

  3. Andrew, did my mind invent the fact that you are a VETERAN???? and should not have to worry about getting the medical care you need/deserve? (insert 30 minute rant here) On a happier note, I'm so very thankful you are still with us, still inspiring us. Cherish these moments of inexplicable JOY. They will carry you through. I'm so glad Barbara is better. Continued prayers for you both.

    1. June, thank you so much...I do cherish the moments, and we cherish your prayers!

      (I worked as a paramilitary contractor, and had to forego the benefits I might have valued now!)

  4. I won't stop praying for you. If God took my advice you'd be perfectly well by now, but He thinks He knows better than I do about how to run the universe. Ya think?

    1. Yeah, Jan, I guess Big Daddy Knows Best...and really, He does, because I found a peace in the pain that otherwise would have eluded me.

      I so much appreciate the prayers!

  5. Wow! Your descriptions take us there, to the beauty of the Devine. Bless you. Still praying.

    1. Norma, thank you for this...and for your prayers.

  6. Morning has broken, like the first morning
    Black bird has spoken, like the first bird.
    Praise for the singing, praise for the morning!
    Praise for them springing, fresh from the Word!

    Sweet the rain's new fall, sunlit from heaven,
    Like the first dew fall, on the first grass.
    Praise for the sweetness, of the wet garden,
    Sprung in completeness, where His feet pass.

    Mine is the sunlight, mine is the morning,
    Born of the one light, Eden saw play!
    Praise with elation, praise ev'ry morning,
    God's re-creation, of the new day.

    Eleanor Fargeon

    1. And thank you, too, Norma, for the lyrics for "Morning Has Broken"! I can hear it in my head!

  7. I love that, Andrew, "The Morning of the World." So sorry to hear Barb is still ill with the flu, as are you; and that you had another collapse. Yet, here you are! And loving how you are describing your "new morning"; as perhaps a new bit of life? Yet, here you are and there is He and your time on earth is just not yet ended. And how glad I am to hear that!! Still praying and with you in this; you are Barb are on my heart and in my thoughts and prayers...

    1. Barbara, thank you! I am really, really glad to be here...pain, 'other stuff', and all.

      Barb went back to work today. She's been missed.She's tired but happy.

      We so appreciate the prayers!

  8. I keep on praying for you, Andrew! I'm glad that Barbara is better, but you've got to take care of yourself in these kinds of situations. She will have to learn to take care of herself with you gone. Just don't rush that day, my friend! We want you to stick around for as long as possible!

    1. Beth...yeah, I'm trying not to rush the day! It was a B-A-D flu, and The B does take it very hard. She has asthma, which makes it kind of imperative to give her the rest she needs.

      But I am being slack outside of taking care of the dogs (letting the service dogs herd them, really). I want to be here as long as possible.

      More to write. And some good stuff coming, I think!

  9. Andrew, your renewed view on life inspires. I'm so glad you and Barb weathered the flu. And I so appreciate your renewed perspective, and the ability to see the world with fresh eyes. May we each live our days with that view in mind.

    I continue to pray for you, my friend!

  10. Now may the God of GREEN HOPE fill you....A.C.T. to he** with it. Dear Lord, have mercy on the country. Andrew, LIVE TO VOTE !!!