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Thursday, May 14, 2015

Your Dying Spouse 6: You Can't Follow (Five Minute Friday)

It's time for Five Minute Friday, a five minute writing challenge on a keyword. It's hosted by Kate Motaung, and if you go to her website (www.katemotaung.com) you'll find some splendid examples of the writer's craft.

Today the word is FOLLOW. I have the two additional challenges of keeping to my current series on dealing with a dying mate...and writing on a Smartphone, the owner of which wants back pronto.

So let's see how it goes...

This shared trip through the Valley of the Shadow will one day come to a fork in the road, and your paths will begin to diverge.

That point isn't death itself. It comes sooner, when your mate realizes that the trip is truly one-way, and that the destination, veiled by mist for so much of our lives, is becoming starkly visible.

With the best will in the world, that's a place to which you cannot (yet) follow.

And it's a place you can't know, and you shouldn't (remember Bill Clinton's "I feel your pain"?) pretend.

There will be changes. Your mate may become serious in the contemplation of eternity...or may turn lighthearted, freed from the cares and posturing that take up so much of our 'normal' days.

You can't be there with your mate except to be supportive. Hold him or her close, and give your heart in listening.

Now is the hour. (That's the title of a terrific Maori song, by the way.)

But you CAN learn something about the person you chose to love. In these days, in the seeming separation, you will gain a perspective on their heart, and truly know this person of intimate mystery for the first time.

Almost too late?

No.

You can choose to pay attention, and walk in the world for them, for their memory. You can carry forward a lost but living heart.

And you can carry the values of the loved and lost as a promise for when you meet again, in the place where all tears are dried.

14 comments:

  1. Andrew, every post in this series is precious. Thank you for sharing your journey and your wisdom.

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    1. Marie, thank you. I had to take a break today because I was kinda wrecked by a PTSD episode, but I WILL be back.

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  2. It's hard to even imagine life without my spouse. For my loved ones that have gone on, I take comfort in the fact that one day, I will eventually "follow" where they have gone. Blessings to you from FMF, Tasha

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    1. Blessings to you Tasha. Hold that faith.

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  3. Oh Andrew, this is a powerful post. And in many ways a gift to all of us. Too often we don't talk about death until we are forced to face it. You have been so open about your journey. I pray others are as open as you are!

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    1. Tara, your words mean so much. Especially today. PTSD weekend, and my heart is, for the moment, ruined.

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  4. Thank you for sharing this. I had the feeling of standing on holy ground, while reading this post. I think that watching a loved one pass from this one to the next is sacred. As Marie said, thank you for sharing your wisdom.

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    1. You've brought tears to my eyes. Thank you SO MUCH,

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  5. Andrew, your words made tears well up. Beautiful, poignant, truthful. Every single word. Thank you for the glimpses into your journey. Your thoughts and suggestions share much insight for if/when I one day walk this road you're describing.

    Praying for you tonight, friend.

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    1. My friend...thank you. Your words are so important to me tonight.

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  6. Your words are hard to read, Andrew; and I can't put myself there...I pray when that times comes, whichever of us goes first, we have the closeness and the openness you share in your journey to your Heavenly Home - thank you as always; praying with you as always...your heart is open and sharing and you are appreciated.

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    1. I am so very honored and blessed by your words, Barbara. Thank you from the depths of my heart.

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  7. That hope of eternity is sweet--for the meeting of Christ who vanquishes your pain and envelopes you in His love and for the wonderful reunion with our loved ones. Finally all pretenses and fears will be gone and we will see each other as the Lord is able to see us now. Perfect!

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